What Momma REALLY Wants.

By Amy

Hey friends!  So, I got an interesting invitation in my inbox last week from the peeps at Raise.com.  Ever heard of it?  It's a new marketplace to buy and sell gift cards on the web.  (I LOVE gift cards by the way...takes the pressure off those of us who are really sucky at thinking up gifts for others.  I'm talking about me.)

Anywho... right now at Raise.com, they are running an interactive campaign called, “Give Yourself a Raise.”

In their words, this campaign is about: "...The importance of rewarding yourself for all the hard work you put in every day.  We know how much work being a mom can be, and we want to focus on the importance of taking time out for you!  Whether it be something as simple as indulging in your favorite dessert, or buying a new pair of shoes, we want to hear about it!"

"Ok, cool!"  I thought, "Hmmmm...now, how do I reward myself?"

I thought for a minute. "Oreos.  No that's dumb.  What else?"  Then I thought, "Starburst Jelly beans.  And, if something realllly big happens, Papa Murphys."

Ughhh, seriously?  I reward myself with treats.  So, the same way you would motivate a potty-training toddler.  Or a dog.  I am so pathetic.

Oh, these jelly beans are evil.  They always give me a stomach ache, but I CAN'T...STOP...EATING...THEM! 

But as I thought about it more, I realized there's actually a different reward that I would give up all the Oreos and Hawaiian Pizza in the world for: getting to disconnect and veg out my brain.  That's what momma REALLY wants.  Chocolate, flowers, meh...just give me a few uninterrupted hours to zone out. (Sounds a bit depressing, but hear me out...)

I am a very social person--not much of an introvert.  As a kid, I never shut-up.  Even in college, a professor yelled at my friends and I in a huge art history lecture class for talking!  Ha!  Yeah, that was mortifying.  Basically, I've always craved being with people.

But having a child made me suddenly realize just how much alone/me time I had before...and how much I missed it.  Suddenly my time was not my own.  Like, none of it.  Peacefully snoozing in the middle of the night, sitting on the loo, right in the middle of something (everything!) --it was all fair game for this angry, red-faced little human to start hollering at me.  As a new mom, I started craving time where I could just disengage and not be meeting anybody else's needs.  Time when I could just relax.

Well, nowadays, I jealously guard his naptime and bedtimes, cause they mean "my time."  I will push myself to finish the dishes, clean up the house, finish my blog post, or prepare a lesson for one of my art classes, if the carrot dangling in front of me is the chance to chill.  Cause during the day, unless it's nap time, I can't 100% shut-off.  Toddlers need constant supervision.  (Or you end up with a half gallon of house paint on your living room carpet. *sob* True story.)  All day, I'm interacting.  I read books, wipe lots of snot and bums, sing songs, do crazy dances, answer questions, prevent disasters, kiss owies, avert tantrums, tell stories, set limits, repeat myself a million times, enforce time-out, make decisions and pick battles, laugh, coax, and listen.  Even in the car, when I used to veg out to music or just be quiet, now I'm talking to my son, singing, pointing out the "BIG truck!" and rocking out with him to the radio.  (His loves "Royals" ...he goes ca-ray-zyyy!  It's pretty freakin awesome.)  I genuinely enjoy (most of the time) spending my days with my fun, sweet, goofy son.  We're BOTH much happier than we were when he was a screaming infant, hallelujah!  It's just...when it's 8:00 pm and he's nestled in bed with a bink and a blankie...I'm spent.  My level of interaction is maxed.

Which, by the way, makes it that much more amazing that many women do it alone!  I'm lucky--my husband is an awesome, hands-on dad.  He takes care of our son when I teach art classes, and when he's home from school and work he always pitches in with dinner, clean-up, bedtime and playing with our son.  I can't imagine how spent single moms must feel at the end of the night!  My hat goes off to you ladies for all that you do.  Seriously.

So, after the magic hour of 8:00 when my baby is safely snoozing, I become super lame.

I either want to read a book, peruse blogs, watch Netflix, or cruise Facebook, Pinterest or Houzz (if you haven't heard of it, it's like Pinterest, but just for homes...SUPER addictive.)  Some nights I blog, but most evenings, writing my own blog post is next to impossible cause I am just maxed out, stupid, and the words don't come.  Thankfully, Patrick is naturally more of an introvert and is totally cool with just relaxing.  Apparently he doesn't mind that he married a lame-o.

It still kind of throws me off that I no longer want to party-it up every evening.  Back in the day, when I'd get a killer grade after working for many grueling hours over an art project, I'd go with my friends for a rowdy night at Taco Time.  (We'd take WAY too much of their delicious pellet ice and Pico de Gallo from the salsa bar.  Yeah, we were pretty wild kids...at a religious college in Small Town, Idaho...ha!)  Even a small achievement, like mustering up the courage to talk to the cutest guy in Geography 120, resulted in a long ice cream fest with friends to relive every delicious, awkward detail. When my husband and I were first married, we hung out a lot with other couples.  We'd go to a movie and the cheap theater and dinner at Costa Vida to celebrate triumphs, like when he was accepted into Grad school.  Or we'd just celebrate making it through a particularly rough week.  (Life was a bit stressful: he was a full-time student WHILE managing a restaurant and I was trying to survive my first year of teaching Jr. High, while pregnant and exhausted.)

But now, after a day full of "So THIS is what 'the terrbile twos' means." moments with my toddler, or when I try to do a cooperative group project involving 10 little art students and paint, I crave my sweatpants and the couch.

Don't get me wrong.  I still need/love a girl's night out, I adore going on a hot date with my hubby, and I enjoy having friends over for dinner...but I don't really want more than one or two of my evenings filled up in one week.  Cause I want my veg time.  It's ok, though...I've realized and accepted that I am lame.  It's fine!  Now and then I still get out and party it up, but right now, the real party is watching a show on Netflix, cuddling my hubby, and savoring a fist full of jellybeans.

So, there's the answer--I reward myself by doing a whole lotta nothing.  Revelling and basking and wallowing in the joy of accomplishing diddly--and feeling blissfully un-guilty about it.  

Cause it doesn't mean you don't love your life and family if you need a little time to escape every day.  It means that mom is a human too. :)

Allright ladies, I admitted my reward...now it's your turn! :)  I'd love to hear...how do you reward yourself?  I'm so curious!  And, am I alone in my desire to veg out?  (Watch, you'll say "Working out is my favorite reward!" or "Scrubbing the bathroom helps me unwind!" and I'll feel like such a moron.  Haha!)

Also, don't forget to "Like" or "Join this Site" (buttons up on the right side) to party with us here at SOM....We have so much fun it's stooopid! :)  And if you liked this post, please Share!