By Zoie
Introduced by Amy
Zoie is married to my crazy little bro, Aaron, and thank goodness she is so cool! I always worried about who my little bro would end up marrying, cause he and I were always close and I wanted to like his wife...let me tell you, Zo does not disappoint! I affectionately call her Zo Zo, and she kindly puts up with it. She is fearless--example: she up and moved to China for several months to improve her Chinese and to experience the culture...she probably learned how to be a ninja on the weekends. Seriously, she is cool and so fun. We talk art and blogs and life and family, and I love her!
-Amy
My biggest
pet peeve is pessimism about marriage.
Fun fact: Marriage is the greatest thing ever.
Not-so-fun fact: People are people; sometimes marriages fail or even just
become dull.
However, there is every reason to be optimistic about marriage. It is so much
fun and so rewarding. However, like most good things, you have to work for a
good marriage.
So, I would
like to share some of the best marriage advice that I have received that has
kept my relationship with my husband strong and rewarding.
1. NEVER
SAY THE “D” WORD
Divorce isn’t funny, so don’t joke about it unless you want it to happen.
2. THINGS
IN PRIVATE STAY IN PRIVATE
Pretty self-explanatory. You don’t need to go blabbing all of the things your
spouse does or doesn’t do to the whole world, especially friends and parents.
Just keep it to yourself.
3. IF YOU
LIE, I’LL SWEAR BY IT
There’s nothing more awkward than watching a couple constantly contradict each
other in public, especially if it’s something stupid like the date and time
they met (and they just have to resolve before they can finish the story).
Also, there’s nothing more embarrassing than telling your friends something
cool you did only to have the spouse jump in and say that you’re exaggerating
or lying.
It’s wrong to lie; I’m not saying you should let your spouse be a chronic liar.
I’m just saying that if your spouse exaggerates a little bit or tells a story
wrong on accident, don’t freak out. Just go with it and let your spouse be cool
for a little bit. Correct them later, but don’t embarrass them in front of
friends.
4. IT’S
OVER
If you had a fight and it’s over, never, I repeat, NEVER, bring it up again.
Your spouse probably feels guilty about it and doesn’t need to be reminded
about it, and you don’t need to use it as leverage for the rest of your
marriage. That’s a terrible thing to do. So if your spouse scratched the car
backing out and you forgave them, let it be over, don’t hesitate every time you
give them the car keys. That’s not fair to them.
5. GO WITH
THEM
If your spouse is going to Wal-Mart to grab some milk or headed over to talk to
the neighbors real quick, go with them if you can. Chances are you’ll have fun
and you’ll end up spending a little more time together.
 |
| Caught in a downpour in downtown Chicago |
6. NEVER
MAKE FUN IN PUBLIC
One of the most attractive* things I’ve ever seen a person do is praise their
spouse. We were over at their house and the husband was talking about what a
good job his wife did teaching her workout classes and how talented she was.
Contrast this to a spouse who tells everyone how off-key she sings or how messy
the bathroom is.
This is some of the advice that I feel the most passionate about. Don’t make
fun of your spouse in public. Just don’t. Praise them and trust me, it will
strengthen your marriage faster than anything else.
*(I don’t mean to say that I was attracted in a romantic way, just that it made
me really respect them as a person.)
7. FRIENDS
Friends are important, but avoid having close friends of the opposite sex. This
one was hard for me when we first got married, because all of my friends were
guys, but I can see how much it has strengthened our marriage. Don’t text
members of the opposite sex or do the Facebook thing. If you do have these kind
of relationships, make sure that they are very public. For example, if your
friend from high school got married or had a baby, go ahead and say
congratulations on their Facebook wall or something. That’s fine. But
constantly texting someone of the opposite gender or things of that nature can
get you into trouble very quickly. So many marriages are ruined this way.
Having couple friends or friends of your same gender is the easiest way to avoid
this problem. However, if you have friends of the opposite gender, keep it
public and keep the appropriate distance.
8. SHARE A
COMMON GOAL
There’s nothing that can pull a couple apart faster than different ideals and
values. For my husband and I, our religion helps strengthen our marriage a ton.
Reading scriptures and saying prayers (with and for each other) helps our
marriage stay strong. I am so grateful for a husband that shares those same
beliefs and ideals. So, if you’re religious, be strong in your religion. It
will pull you two together. If not, find a common goal or practice; the
consistency and working together will help your relationship.
9. LEAVE
TWO THINGS UNSAID EVERY DAY
Sometimes I’ll go to ask my husband to do something or pick something up, but I’ll
replace the request with “I love you.”
Studies show that expressing anger does not actually relieve it, but increases
your feelings of anger. So leave it unsaid unless it’s a really big deal. Kind
words are so much stronger than criticism.
10.
EXTREME NICE
A few months ago, I read a book that described a woman’s quest to be happier.
One of the things that helped her was to play “Extreme Nice,” a game she made
up. It’s about like it sounds. Make the bed, do the dishes, write a kind note,
call them at lunch. Be as nice as you possibly can. Your spouse will
reciprocate and you’ll find yourself happier every day, not just from their
deeds of kindness, but because you are serving them.
 |
| Gnomes for Halloween! Hah! |
For the
Girls:
- Treat Him Like a King
- Let Your Hair Down- Be an attractive woman! Take care of yourself. Your hubby
will love it and you’ll feel happier. It’s worth the effort.
- Be a Happy Wife- Stop complaining about little things. Greet him at the door
with a kiss and some good news. Make your husband want to come home to you, or
be excited when you get home.
For the
Boys:
- Treat Her Like a Queen
- Ditch the Video Games- Come on, stop playing video games and be a man. One of
the most unattractive things a man can do is play video games while ignoring
his wife and kids. Addictions are extremely detrimental to a relationship.
- Encourage Beauty- Tell your wife she’s beautiful; notice when she does her
hair nice, or she may lose the motivation to impress you.
What
marriage advice do you have? Feel free to post in the comments! Thanks!
Although I have many ideas and opinions on this topic, there are plenty of others who have shared these same ideas much more eloquently. So, here are some of my favorite quotes about reading, followed by some helpful websites for you reading junkies out there. 
Now, for you fellow book nerds, I'd like to point out some resources that I wish I'd known about earlier: 
Obviously, it won't be as good as the book, but if you're not quite sold on the book, something is better than nothing, right? 
