February 8, 2013

My Dysfunctional Love Past

By Amy

Being February--in the spirit of Valentines Day and all--Next week will be the week of sharing ridiculous love stories here on SOM.  But, before we get to all the LUV, I feel the need to tell you about the sordid (ha!) details of my love history. 

In the beginning, I liked one boy at a time, for long periods of time.  But, I NEVER wanted anyone to know, especially the boy I liked. 

I am the second from the left.  See, those glasses doomed me to grow into an awkward person. 

I liked one boy from kindergarten to 5th grade (and to prove I didn't like him, I beat the crap out of him daily on the playground until 3rd grade...but it's ok, I've apologized, he's graciously forgiven me, we are both happily married--so that proves I didn't permanently scar him, right?).  Then, I liked a new boy all through middle school (I didn't beat up this kid, but I avoided him like he had the plague...and leprosy...all the while adoring him from a distance).

Then I hit Jr. High and High school.  

And went boy crazy.  

But, here's the kicker, I don't think anyone knew!  I still NEVER wanted anyone to know who I liked, so played this "boy-basher" role.  Here's the logic: If everyone thought I valued cute boys as scum-of-the-earth, then the thought wouldn't cross their mind that I might super-like one of them; hence no teasing, no awkwardness, no stupid situations.  I would never have to face rejection from a boy...I wouldn't have to worry about not being good enough, not pretty enough, funny enough, flirty enough, etc for a boy to like me.  So, I projected a perfect, "I couldn't care less" attitude.  

But, in my head, I was boy-crazy.  People who knew me then, may not believe it, but it is true.  Here's a sample of the boys I liked:

The sarcastic, funny boys that I was friends with, but always secretly hoped that they would like me back; the older jock; the boy in choir who had A VOICE; the older brother of my friend who was worshiped by the general population of females; the dark, brooding boys in my art classes who designed tattoos; the shy, sweet boys who made me melt; the nerdy but witty boys who no girls appreciated...And don't forget the infinite number of boys who stood in awkward awe of my beautiful friends, who joked around with me or begged for any information: "Does she like me?" 

I should clarify, I had lots of really good guy friends that I was comfortable with, but as soon as any of them started acting "weird" (if any boy complimented me or showed any interest) I would run.  Even if I liked him; especially if I liked him!  

Once, I heard an older boy said I was cute.  Later, I saw him coming towards me while I was wandering though the halls during class (I remember doing that a lot...hmmm). 

The hall was empty--just he and I.  

Walking toward each other.  

I was about to DIE.  My stomach was climbing up my throat, my arms were going numb, and my mind was...non-functioning.

In my panic I stuck my head in a locker.  And, no, not my locker.  I still remember being horrified at myself, rooting around like I was looking for my math notebook in some stranger's un-locked locker, willing that boy to walk past without noticing me.  Yeah, pathetic.  And highly awkward.  


This is a pic from my study abroad trip to Europe.  My friends and I met an Australian guy who worked at the hostel we stayed at.  My friends thought I should get a pic with him.  I am blushing.  And HIGHLY uncomfortable.  Can you tell?  HAha..

I had several crushes in college.  But, by this time of weird relationship avoidance, I had some major anxiety about dating, and I would get physically sick if a guy asked me out.  So, I kept up the long-distance liking.  The main guy I liked in college was Bobby.  (Bobby, if you ever read this, just take this as a compliment and don't be weird-ed out.)  He was a really cool guy, kind of quiet, nice, and funny.  I probably spoke to him a total of ten times, though I was around him a lot.  We were in the same ward at church.  Once I heard he wanted to ask me on a date; I walked around stunned--half ecstatic that he knew I existed and half afraid that he would actually would ask me out.  I was convinced that if he did, I would just tip over dead.  He never did, so I escaped a tragic and early death.

Well, at least SOMEONE is more awkward with boys than me.  This is my sister, Sherie's, hilarious daughter, Livi, being Junice from SNL for Halloween.  WHAT?!  You don't know who Junice is? Check out it out HERE.

And...this is freakin' embarrassing, but since I'm laying everything out here on the table (er...screen), I will share the poem I wrote on Valentines Day 2005, about Bobby.  And, it's pretty much a work of literary genius, so...enjoy:

I have a new hobby, it's thinking about you, Bobby. 
I watch for you daily in the Taylor lobby. 
I like you better than buttered corn on the cobby. 
To spend time with you, Hey, I'd quite my jobby!
So, you be my Mufasa, and I'll be your Sarabi. 
What do you say, Will you be mine, Bobby?  


Stunning poem, right?  I never gave it to him.  (HA...Thank goodness...it's super creepy.)  But my roommates and I laughed pretty hard.

There was only one boy in high school or college who I liked and was able to function around; I felt safe with him.  He was smart and kind, quiet, but fun, wholesome and good.  I  admired and looked up to him.  We went to a dance together in high school, and he liked me too, in a very non-obvious way (his friends told me he did...so jr, high, I know!)  He came to the musical I sang a few solos in.  My heart skipped several beats as I stood on stage singing, when I saw him sneak into the back row of our tiny high school theater.   We were never actually boyfriend/girlfriend (I didn't want that in high school) but we stayed good friends through college.  We wrote each other during the time that we both served as missionaries for our church, and I appreciated his letters.  They were encouraging and uplifting and made me laugh.  Now and then I wondered, "Will I marry him?" And then, right before I came home, he told me he was moving away to go to graduate school the week before my return.   When I read that sentence, I was a little sad, but I remember calmly thinking, "Well, that's that.  If we were going to get married, it would have worked out."  I realize now that it wasn't real "I'm in LOVE" love; it was more admiration and friendship mixed with a crush.  But I'll always be grateful to him for his friendship and for helping me see that I could like someone without flipping out.

So no, I didn't marry him.  We went separate ways, and I went back to college, determined to stop acting like a crazy person, and to date like a civilized human being.

When two people THIS awkward meet, it's gotta be love.  Haha, don't we look 14?
But how, you ask, did I go from a terrified, anxiety-ridden relationship avoider to meeting, dating, then marrying the Amazing Patrick Graham?  

That, my friends, is my favorite story.  Read his debut in the second half of my love saga here!  

-Amy

P.S. Ummmm....Please don't ask me for specifics of who these crushes were. 

P.P.S. People who knew me in High School, did I seem as crazy as I think I was? 

P.P.P.S. Did YOU do anything crazy around any of your crushes?  Yes?  Please Tell!  I LOVE awkward stories.  HA!

31 comments:

  1. Amy,
    This is Alyx, Melanie's friend. I just have to tell you a funny side note....I told it to Melanie before, so maybe you've already heard it.
    Derek, my husband, was roommates with some boys you went to high school with while we were engaged. When his roommates found out I knew you, they all started laughing and saying, "Yeah, we know Amy, we called her the Icebox. No one could get her".
    That's all, props on your new blog, I'm enjoying it! Keep up the good work!

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    1. Alyx...I totally remember you! :) And...HOLY CRAP, I can't believe they had a nick name for me. That is SO embarrassing and funny. AHahahaha...that's crazy.

      Thanks so much for commenting and reading the blog! That's what makes it fun! :)

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  2. Hahaha! This post made me laugh so much. I especially love your girl squad, Juni, and new girls pics. Hahaha.

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    1. Tracy! Do you know teen girl squad? It's SO funny. And thanks, I'm glad you laughed, I hope it's funny and not just...pathetic. :)

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    2. Yes! Teen grrrrll squad! Haha. Me and my best friend in HS used to watch homestar runner videos until the wee hours of the morning cracking up.

      No, I loved your post because I totally related. It just made me wish again that we had gone to HS together. :)

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    3. I watched them in newspaper class...Good stuff. "How'm I lookin girlz?" "SO GOOD!"

      Ha, that would have been so fun to be in High school together. You would have been in the art club, right? WOO! Art club nerds forever!

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  3. I love your blog and I am obviously not a mom. Good thing you said not to ask who your crushes were because I was asking myself, "I wonder who that was?" Awesome post, it is always fun to hear peoples stories.

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    1. I love your blog and I am obviously(?) not a runner! :) Thanks!

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  4. Staci Woodland (Thorne)February 8, 2013 at 1:29 PM

    This is the Amy I remember from being roommates. It was a pretty funny post for me to read, remembering how awkward you felt around boys...and I do remember Bobby, and every other guy (not specifically) we tried to trick you into going on a date with. Glad you are happily married now and loving life. I'm thoroughly enjoying your blog BTW. I keep thinking of things that happen to me as a momma and if it would be "post worthy" or not. So far, I'm content to sit back and enjoy reading it, not writing it.

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    1. Haha, Staci! Yep you witnessed my disfunction firsthand. Ha. Oh my goodness, I am so glad that the dating stage of life is over for me, though I had a ton of fun at college! :)

      Thanks for supporting the blog and commenting! That is the best part, when ladies connect to each others' stories. Let me know if you ever start a blog or if you want to share a story on here! :)

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  5. Nice post Amy! Sounds a lot like my own experiences with those of the opposite sex. There was one time where I was walking from building to building and the "hottest" girl in school walked by, looked right at me and said "Hi Ian". I was so astonished that she even knew my name, let alone uttered it. I was literally dumbfounded. I kept looking at her and I walked right by her without uttering a word. I just couldn't get anything to come out at all. Clearly she never spoke to me again.

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    1. Bahahaaa! That is SOO awesome. Thanks!

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  6. Your poem about Bobby was pretty rad. Favorite line: So, you be my Mufasa, and I'll be your Sarabi. Lol!

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    1. Haha, Karen! I'm so glad you liked it, and I must admit that is my favorite line, too! Thanks for the comment!

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  7. I'm your SISTER and didn't know you were secretly boy-crazy!! You should get an Oscar for that kind of acting!! Glad you recovered from the anti-guy campain in time to win over Patty-Man :). Your poem is just about as romantic as when I would do the "I Love You" sign with my hand under the desk of the boy that I liked in kindergarten... guess I was hoping the vibes would penetrate through his desk into his little 5 year-old heart... didn't work.

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    1. Haha...I HAD to! You guys teased me if you ever found out that I liked someone, so I had to act like I never did!
      Haha Your I love you sign under the desk is SOO romantic. I never knew you were so lovey. He probably did secretly love you, but after all, we BOTH had glasses which were ruining our chances at childhood love.

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  8. Nice post Amy! I was quite awkward too. In high school I'd go to dances and on a couple dates, but it was always, "Hey, this guy is my buddy." Or if I actually liked him I still acted like a buddy. Well, as a freshman in college a 24 yr. old dude pursued me. Of course, we were just buddies right? Well, I was back and forth and kinda freaking out. He was the first guy to hold my hand and I was just so silly about it all. We never even kissed. He finally told me angrily over the phone that I was acting like I was in Jr. High. And it, whatever "it" was, was over. I was so offended that he said that to me. Years later looking back I have to agree with him. As far as any kind of romantic or serious relationships went, I was on a Jr. High level. Yup. Things smoothed out as I went along. I'm excited to hear about how you and Patrick hooked up. :)

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    1. Thanks Melissa...I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one! haha, I don't think I was even on the Jr High level. Being mean to the boys you like--that's like 2nd grade, right? ha.

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  9. Bahaha! this just cracked me up! I NEVER would have guessed you were boy crazy. :)

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  10. That is good stuff! And the picture of your niece..a-ma-zing! Sharing on Facebook! And now following your blog!
    Ashley:)

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    1. Thanks, Ashley! Ha, yeah, she's pretty darn hilarious. Thanks for the sharing and following!

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  11. Hahaha! I love it!! You're a great story teller! I tweeted this!

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    1. Glad you liked it! :) Thanks for the support, friend!

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  12. Oh AMY! You weren't crazy. Ok maybe just a tiny bit! but that's what made you soo fun!

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    1. Haha...thanks, Emily! Tiny-bit-crazy sounds a lot better than whole-lotta-crazy!

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  13. Wow! You are such a good story teller. I was glued till the end! Thanks for making me smile as I read this and wonder what awkward things I did too! :)

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    1. Thanks so much, Emily! Haha..yeah, I guess we all have our awkward moments. Some just have moments that last a couple years! :) Thanks for commenting!

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  14. Totally enjoyed reading both of these posts (this one and the one that follows)- You are really a great story teller! I know I sure don't miss the awkwardness of my younger years- I'm still plenty awkward now!

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    1. Thanks so much, Sky! Haha...I hear ya...I can still be awkward too! :) Too bad we don't just grow out of it, though it is MUCH better not to have to have first dates anymore after getting married! I see those nervous couples on dates making awkward conversation when I go out with my husband...I just want to hug them and say, "This too shall pass." :)

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  15. Amy,

    I have been reading through my old journals, and it is pretty funny but embarrassing at the same time. I definitely had a crush on every boy. I have some pretty embarrassing journal entries. But I did write about Kevin 3 times. :) I think it is ironic that for most of the boys I wrote in my journal about, Kevin knows them since he went to Shelley too. I do NOT know why I had to write about all of my crushes in my journal. I guess I didn't know who else to tell about it. This post was so fun to read... Even several months after it was written!

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