August 28, 2013

Your Kid Said WHAT?!

My sister Sherie has some freaking hilarious kids.  They should prolly be famous, like little kid stand-up comedians.  The thing is, though, when kids are actually trying to be funny, it's more cute, than funny.  Like jokes that make, um, absolutely no sense and you force out a laugh, "Oh good one, and then the chicken died..hah..ha."  The real hilariousness comes when they're totally serious (or angry)--OH the stuff that comes out of their mouth!  Especially Sherie's kids.  But, I mean, come on...when you come from genes like THESE:'re likely to be a little bizarre.  Ha!  (Speaking of genes, check out those wicked-awesome 80's mom jeans that Sherie's rockin!  Foxy lady!)

Luckily, she writes the best quotes down.  Here they are, in her words, for your reading pleasure!  (You may wet your pants on a few of these...I almost did.)

By Sherie
I told Livi (3 yrs old) not to do something, and she yelled, “MOM--DON'T SAY THINGS TO ME!”   I told her she can’t talk to me like that – she asked, “Can moms only say mean things?”

Livi (3) found one of her drawings in the garbage, picked it up and said to me, “Mom – if you keep throwing my pictures away I’m going to say prayer to Heavenly Father and say my mom not throw my pictures away!”

Livi doesn’t want to go to college – she doesn’t want to live away from us.  I was telling her and Caleb (5) the advantages – no parents to tell you what to do, more freedom, be with friends… Caleb decided he DID want to go to college.  His reasons?  "I could poop in my pants” and “I wouldn’t have to brush”.

Caleb (5) and I were playing a survival card game.  He would make up the question when it was my turn to answer.  My favorite one: If a tornado is coming, should you a) punch it b) stick it in your ear or c) wait til it goes away.  The answer?  b) stick it in your ear.  I got it wrong.

Another day in the life of Caleb (5): We're eating lunch together and Caleb says, "Mom, remember in the summer time after dad mows the lawn and we run through and it turns our feet green?" I smile at the cute memory, "Yeah".  Then he replied, "Well, this bread tastes like lawn." So much for a sweet memory moment...

Caleb (5) told me, “I don’t like church!”  I gave him a really sad look trying to make him feel guilty.   He smiled and said, “But I like Jesus!”

We were driving past a small field and I was pointing out to Aleah and Caleb the little Shetlan pony.  Aleah and I were saying how cute it was, then came Caleb’s comment: “Do you think Dad could beat that horse up?”

When I was pregnant with Mia, we asked Aleah if it was a girl what name she would like – she answered, “Jewels…. or Sparkles.” 

When we were driving in the van, Ian started crying.  Aleah asked, “ Mom, can you give Ian a drink from your belly cause he’s crying.”

We asked Aleah what she wanted for Christmas.  She said,  “A sucker.”

I was having a frustrating morning.  I finally sat down to eat with the kids and Caleb was watching me; he asked me, “Mom – do you like being a mom sometimes?”

100-year-old kid. (No, not the next Benjamin Button...Caleb's just jumping on the tramp.)

When Ian sees something strange, he wrinkles up his nose and says, “What a heck??”

When I told Ian (2) it was about time for his nap, he said sweetly: “No ganks.”

After getting potty-trained, Ian (3) was in the bathroom with me while I was using the facilities.  He frantically yelled, “Tuck it, tuck it!” while I was going.

Ian (3) saw his dad who had just finished running, and said, “What-a-heck??!  There’s hair under there??”- pointing to his armpit.

One night we were watching tv (weekly America's Funniest Home Videos after baths) and Ian wanted me to turn the light off.  I told him to go ahead and turn it off.  He replied that he was too small to reach it.  Being in my pregnant/lazy state, I pointed to a comb and told him to use it to turn the light off.  He walked over to the wall, dropped it on the ground and stood on top of it THEN tried to reach the light switch.  He got his smarts from his dad.

L - R: Aleah, Ian, Livi, Caleb, Austin...seeing baby Mia for the first time.
What the kids said when they came to the hospital to see new baby Mia for the first time:  "It's beautiful!" "It has two legs!" "It's really heavy." Apparently we're not quite used to knowing it's a "she".

The newest addition: Elton.  I mean, Mia.
Thank you, Sherie, for bringing hilarious children into the world. Now we can all go change our pants.   

I gotta know: Which was your fav?  I'm quite partial to the Shetlan pony one, myself.  

If you're a momma or aunt, do you have some hilarious quotes from your kids?  I bet you do!  EMAIL THEM TO ME!!!!  ( Then they'll be child-stars too!  Ha!  Oh, and...If their quotes made you laugh, please "SHARE" the love!  "Liking" is nice too! Oh and if you haven't "Liked" Swag On, Momma, a pal and hit the "Like" button on the upper right of this blog...I appreciate the LUV!


  1. What about snice your neck story? ha!

  2. YES! That is a good one too, I'll have to get Sherie to type it up for me! Laura, I know I've heard some funny quotes from your should type them up and send them to me!


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