Is Foster Care Right for Your Family?

Interview with Delilah
Introduced by Amy

You know how you meet certain people and you can just tell that they got smarts?  Like they just know what's going on.  That's how Delilah is.  She is funny, capable, thoughtful, and welcoming to everyone...she is such a cool momma!

I met Delilah at church when my husband and I moved to our town about 2 years ago.  (Remember the Epic Treehouse Playdate post?  Delilah and her kids came!)  As I got to know her better, I was amazed at her journey to motherhood.  She has four kids; the first three are adopted-- each of them came to their family first through foster care.  Then the miracle baby, Jasper, came unexpectedly when Delilah became pregnant after experiencing years of miscarriages and infertility.

This is Delilah! With baby Jasper at my parent's treehouse.

I was so interested to hear about her experience being a foster parent, especially since she also has the background of a social worker/foster care educator.  My personal interest in foster care started when I met my friend Lawanna, a sassy, hilarious girl from inner-city, Little Rock, Arkansas.  She was living as a nanny with a family in my town.  When the nanny job ended, I invited her to stay with my family until she knew what she wanted to do next.  She stayed for two months...we laughed our heads off every day!  It was fun being roomies, even though she made fun of my white girl dance moves. (ha!)  As we became close, she told me stories about her difficult childhood and I was appalled to hear about some of the foster homes she was in.  Most homes she bounced in and out of, and she often dealt with neglect and abuse.  I remember being so frustrated thinking, "These kids deserve and need sooo much better!"

I've thought about foster care ever since meeting Lawanna.  These children need safe homes, they need love, and they need stability--especially the older ones who people aren't generally clamoring to bring into their homes.  When I was teaching Jr High and High school Art, many times it was the troubled kids who gravitated toward me and confided in me.  It was pretty heartbreaking to hear their struggles. I was so glad I could be a trusted adult in their life, but I felt so limited in the amount of practical good I could do as their public school teacher.  It made me want to do more; even one person's positive influence can change a life!

But foster care is a big choice.  Sometimes you hear the sad stories where there is a foster child brought into a home, and then that child abuses one or more of the other children in the family, because they are just acting out on what they have been victims of themselves.  I have to admit, this scares me.  I would have such a hard time forgiving myself if I had allowed harm to come to one of my own children, even in trying to help another.  I think that is a valid concern and one that takes careful consideration as to the ages of the children you will have placed in your home, their genders etc. in comparison to your own children, as well as the specific struggles in their background.

But, the one question I've wondered, over and over is: Can I (can we--my husband and I) do it?  These children are  coming from hard situations.  Can I be patient, loving, and firm enough to be a good foster mother?  Do I have the emotional resilience myself?  It's been a wake-up call to have my own child...parenthood is not easy.  So am I really a good fit for the extra challenge of foster care?

But then I think, "These children!  They have lived through so much suffering by no fault of their own. No child should grow up without knowing security and peace."

It's a big decision, one that my husband and I are not ready to make right now, having a toddler and a baby on the way.  But it has been so nice to talk to Delilah and get a realistic idea of what it actually entails to be a foster parent, for that time in the future when we are ready to make a decision.

I am SO happy Delilah agreed to share her insights here at SOM; I hope that you find this interview helpful, whether you've ever wondered if foster care would be right for your family or even if you're just curious about the process.  Enjoy!
-Amy

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Ok, Delilah...How did you first get involved in foster care?

Well, I was a social worker and a lot of my friends worked at child protective services. I was working at the domestic violence center and I had a friend who was frustrated looking for a family for a child--we often talked about our jobs and she expressed this need. I was newly married, for about a year, and wanted kids.  I thought, "Ya know, I can be a mom to these kids till my family comes." So we signed up and took the classes and did the background check and we got a baby within two months of finishing the training. It wasn't overwhelming cause I worked in daycare all through college and I am the oldest in my family so it wasn't a big deal to me. It was really fun and we had him for 8 months. He ended up being adopted by one of his relatives. Now, he’s growing up with his cousins.

What is the goal of foster care?

Reunification. That means, you are caring for kids temporarily while the parents have the time they need to get healthy. And foster parents need to know and be ok with that. We want the children to be able to return to their parents. Most kids go back to their families, but that number is dropping everywhere in the nation. There’s a big push nationally for kinship care, so when a child has to be taken from their home, they try to place them with kin (blood relative comes first) or anyone that the family deems as kin (like a neighbor that the kids have grown up with, someone close to the family.) When a kid goes into care, they hold a family meeting and everyone who is connected to that kid can come to have a say. Even their school teacher can be there. They are trying to see what support there is for this child.  It’s usually at that meeting that someone will step forward to say that they can care for this child.  If there isn't someone among the kin who is able and willing to take in the child and be their foster parent, then they will look for another foster family to place the child in.

How does a child get put into care?

There has to be a law broken for a kid to end up in care. A super dirty, unsanitary house is considered endangerment of a child. Law enforcement declares a child in imminent danger, then they press charges, and then the social worker comes in with law enforcement to take the child into custody. A neighbor may call in who is worried, who knows something is up, and a social worker can come in and visit the family. If they see a problem they will contact the law.

How can you know if foster care is a good fit for you and your family?

When you come to the foster care training it lasts 9 meetings and that’s really where you can go through the process of deciding if it fits or not. Sometimes people think "I’ve always wanted to do this," then in the classes they realize it’s not what they thought it was. And’s that’s totally ok. We would rather people go into that class and opt themselves out, then go through the whole process, then we place kids with them, and then they change their minds and we have to move the kids again. We are trying to prevent as much loss and change as possible for these children. We need to keep the kids in a stable place, that is the goal.

Foster care is hard. There’s nothing easy about it. The families that do well are those who want to provide a service for kids in need. Sometimes we have couples who have already raised their kids. But they may have limitations because of their age, so maybe they could have a 10-year-old, but not an infant. They can do well.  They have the skills. They are talented parents. They are calm and let things roll. They understand child development. And they do a great job.

But you don't necessarily have to have already raised your kids. Every couple has to decide during that training what age of children they can take.  They have to look at their own families needs.  And there are guidelines: for example, kids of opposite sex can’t share a bedroom. Any foster child has to be in a room that has an egress window so a firefighter can get in and out. It depends on space and what the family wants. Most families want a baby or a younger kid. But, will we call you if we have a sibling group of 10, 11, 12?  Absolutely. When there’s a need, we call. And, you completely have the right to say no.  You wouldn't end up in any situation you didn't agree to. But, we want people to know, when you sign up for a service, sign up for a service. If they are really narrow in what children they are willing to take, they just sit on the list. We can't utilize them for the need. Most often, we have sibling groups who need to be placed and we want to keep them together. My family has mostly had younger kids, but we also had a girl come at 14, and she stayed till she was 18.

In the training we coach foster parents what questions to ask, so that they don't end up in a situation that they aren't aware of.  Like “Has there been sexual abuse?" or "Are they behind in school?”  Whatever info the caseworker has about the child that would be helpful, then they will give that information. They don't always know about all the problems, but they can tell what they do know. Sometimes a child will start talking more about what was going on in their home once they are in a safe place and feel ok talking. They don't always talk through words though, they talk through behavior. They are little--they don't know how to communicate what they are feeling. I mean, even as adults we have a hard time with communicating!

So what then would you say are the most important characteristics of someone who would make a good foster parent? How can someone know personally if they can hack it?

It takes desire. They need that motivation: they want it to work. If that’s there, it seems to be ok. They figure it out. And really, all parents are figuring it out as they go. Oh, and they need endurance. Cause there’s a honeymoon stage at first, and then it gets real.

What are the hard parts?

Foster care kids have counseling, behavior workers...your appointments double.  They have visits with their birth parents to go to, doctors and dentists, cause usually they are behind and you're catching them up. They may also need tutoring. And court dates. Your schedule is busy.

From my personal experience, a really hard part is the bad behavior. I didn't struggle with the system or rules or the regulations…the things I struggled with personally are when it really got real. And, surprisingly, that didn't happen till after adoption. Tayja finally realized she wasn't going anywhere else. She was so angry at her situation (she was 5 when we adopted her)--it was a living hell. She was so mad, and since I was the closest person to her, she was mad at me. She was mad at this mom idea, and here I was standing in place of the mom that she wanted, and I was the mom that she got. It wasn't her fault. And I was having my own process at the same time. I was tired. I got two infants, one after another. Draden was a year and a half old, and then I got a brand new baby, Chloe, and two weeks later I got Tayja. I was alone, because my husband is a firefighter, and he was away fighting fires. It was sad too, cause Tayja's mother did all the work to get Tayja back, but the night before she was supposed to get her daughter, she ended up in jail. I think she got scared that she couldn't do it, so she sabotaged it for herself. Technically, a child can only be in care 18 out of 22 months consecutively--they file termination of parental rights at that point.  But, because Tayja's Native American, she was in two different systems, and she had been in care off and on till she was 5. They have to try to place native kids in native homes, (they try to keep a child within their culture) and my husband is native, so they called us first.  So after thinking she'd finally be back with her mom, it didn't happen.  She was also losing a sister, cause she had a sister who was placed in another home. Tayja was angry because of loss. She was grieving. It was hard.

So as intense as the problems were, that's how intense the behavior will be.  They are communicating pain. For most of the kids, in the homes they came from, there’s love there, but it’s not a matter of a lack of love. I want foster families to understand that. It’s not that simple. We are people and we are not that simple. It’s harder than what we understand. There's problems and addictions that are so hard to overcome, even if they want to. When a child has to be taken from a home, it is very traumatic for the child and the parents. But, there is usually some small amount of relief on the parent’s part. But, for the kids, it is always just loss. They are grieving. And they often go into shock the first night, like it’s not truly sinking in until the next morning.

I would say though that truly the hardest part was recognizing that I had limits--dealing with the bad behavior brought those limits out. I needed more education and learning. It was very humbling. We both were in different processes at the same time, and it was really emotional. I was angry for Tayja too. I had known and worked with her mother for years. I loved her mother. It was hard to see her not succeed.

What are the parts that make foster parenting worth it? What makes you passionate about foster care?

It’s all worth it if a child isn't sad or hungry for the night. You make a difference in their life daily. You can show them that there’s love and hope and goodness in this life.  They have seen the bad and the ugly, way too much for their age, and they want to believe that good exists, but they are having a hard time believing it, because of the actions of others. They are little people living these big problems. If we can help them have good in their life, then it’s all worth it. You instill that there’s another way to live. You're lifting the weight. It’s totally wrong for kids to be in pain.

I love this family!

How can someone get started as a foster parent?

In Idaho you call 211 (the Idaho careline) and they will help you get an application-- paper or online. When you complete that, it is sent to the coordinator, then phone calls are made, and fingerprints are taken. And then you go to the classes. You can also check out informational meetings, typically held at a local library about every two months. These are a great introduction. You get to talk to foster parents and ask them questions.

Ok, final words!

Not one of my children came easy. God’s hand was with every child through the whole process. That’s what helped me to keep going--God's little testaments to me that said, "This is my plan."  And now, Tayja believes that we will be there for her. She believes that her family is permanent. She believes in God. So there’s a life changed. Foster care is harder than I ever imagined, but more worth it than I ever knew. Sometimes I would think, “I'm failing, I'm not good at this.”  But, my outlook changed when my husband’s friend said to me, “That doesn't matter. Because whatever their life was, they are doing so much better than they would be. You are making a difference.”  And it's true!
--Delilah

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Thank you SO much Delilah for sharing your wisdom and experience!  I know personally that she is making a difference.  Her daughter, Tayja, was one of my art students...she is loving, respectful and kind--an amazing girl who has come so far!

I hope you found this as helpful as I did! :)  I love that Delilah reiterates the fact that this isn't for everyone, and that's ok.  It's an amazing service of love to give to a child in need, but there are many factors that go into a decision like this, and it needs to be the right fit for your family.  Personally, I am grateful for prayer....if the possibility of foster care continues to be in my heart in the future, that is a decision that my husband and I will spend a lot of time praying and thinking about.  I'm sure God will guide us in that choice--and if I can be His hands in reaching out to a child or children in need that we specifically can help, then I would count that as a privilege.  I'd probably be super scared going into it, but, I'd know that The Lord would be by our sides to enable, bless, and guide us in serving one of His precious children.  After all, He said "Even as ye have done it to one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me."

Friends, thank you so much for reading!  Posts like this help me to feel excited and fulfilled in keeping this blog going.  Sometimes I wonder if I really make a difference or if the time I spend writing and managing the blog is worthwhile when there are so many other things to do in life.  But, I SOO appreciate providing a platform for other women to share their stories and knowledge about the things that matter most to them.  Don't get me wrong, I love to hear and tell funny stories--life is awesome, we gotta enjoy it!  And there's all sorts of fun, hobbyish interests that I love gabbing with you about.  But it's hearing your voice--sharing the real, important stuff--that keeps the bloggy fire aburnin' in my heart. :)  So if you'd like to hear more stories from awesome ladies, (Or share your own!) then be sure to click the "Join This Site" or "Like" button, or follow along through BlogLovin.  We'd love to have you!  :)

Friends, please share this post!  I feel like foster care is such an important topic that most (myself included) just aren't very experienced or knowledgeable about.  And there are so many kids in need!  For many of us, the current time and season of our lives isn't right to look into it ourselves.  But, maybe you sharing this post could touch the heart of someone who will decide that the timing is right for their family to look into foster care...ya never know!  :)  Anything we can do to help one of these children, is worth doing. :)

Thanks for caring, thanks for reading, thanks for sharing!  And please leave your comments and thoughts below!

I love you peeps. :)

PS. Read this incredible post by a momma who is currently a foster mom to 4 sisters, as well as caring for her two own kids. (Amazing, huh!?)  I loved it.
PSS. This post is linked to the Be.YOU.Tiful link party...go check it out! :)

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Valentines and Awkward LOVE!

By Amy

My niece as Junice from SNL!  Now, that's awkward.

VALENTINES!!!

Oh, how I love this holiday!  And, always have, though for years I hid it behind sarcastic comments and condescending smirks.  I was a self-proclaimed love-hater.  But it was always a mask that I wore to hide my true, love-sick, sappy self.

I couldn't kid myself, though.  Seriously, if you sob over your book when Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe FINALLY get together, you are definitely a romantic sap.  I couldn't deny it.  And, while I loved love in books, movies, songs, etc, my own love life was quite ridiculous.  Do you remember when I told you about it last Valentines?  Here it is again for you reading pleasure! (Or displeasure if "awkward" makes you squirm...ha)

So, whether you are celebrating this Valentines with a loved one, watching sappy movies with the girls and proudly exclaiming "single's awareness day!" or, if you secretly hope and wish for the day that you will have a best love of your own, maybe my dysfunction will give you a laugh and a little hope. (Or maybe you'll just think I'm an idiot...ha, I guess that's ok too.)

Here it is:

MY DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVE PAST  by Amy Graham

It's pretty embarrassing.  Ha!

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Quick and Easy Craft: Love Song Pillow

By Amy

My husband and I don't have "a song."

There are many we love, like, "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz.  We both LOVE that song, but as our love song?  It sounds a little like we are constantly struggling in our relationship!  And we both LOVE "Awake" by Josh Groban (this is my favorite version!  It's with Idina Menzel, so duh, it's amazing.), but it's kinda sad too!  It's about a couple who has to be apart...it makes me think of couples where one spouse is in the military.  So, that doesn't really fit us, though we love it.

And, I am crazy for the Beatles, but he's not a huge fan, so none of the sweet Beatles love songs will work. :(

We just can't agree on one.  But, the lyrics to, "Till there was You" from the Music Man pretty perfectly describe my feelings for him, since I never had a serious relationship till I met him.  (Oh geez...if you watch the video I linked, you might die when they start singing in each other's faces...haha!  Gotta love musicals!)

I dealt with a lot of anxiety over dating in high school and college, but he was such a good friend, and I was finally in a good place to try having a relationship...and basically, the timing was meant to be, cause it was right when I met Patrick!  I liked him SO much, he was worth facing the fear.  And I, who made fun of everything sappy and romantic for years, was suddenly the sappiest of saps.  (You can read our ridiculous love story here)  So, at least from MY point of view, this is our song. :)

For a while, I've wanted a cool accent pillow for our bed, and I had a pillow I was tired of, so I decided to put some fun graphic letters on the back, which was just plain fabric.  And, since it was for our bedroom, I thought something a little sweet and romantical would be nice!  But it couldn't be all flowery and pink (cause I share this room with a manly man), so I figured the plain block letters would work nicely.  I used a gold fabric pen, to echo the other gold accents in our room.  I probably would choose a little darker of a color if I were to do it over again, cause it's a little more subtle than I wanted it to be, but hey!  I still like it! :)

I tried stencils, but I wanted to rip my hair out, so I freehanded it.  And I used every ounce of juice in that marker!

Finished!

It's a sweet reminder of our love story every time I walk in to the room. Yay!  (Don't tell Patrick that the Beatles covered this song...haha. :)

What do you think?  Too subtle?  Hmmmm.

Do you and your hub or boyfriend have a song?  What is it?  I'd love to hear. :)  Any other songless couples out there?

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Sunday Thoughts: Your Spouse Can't Heal You

By Amy

I love Patrick!  Ha, he looks so baby-face without his goatee. :)

*Here on SOM, we talk about the things that matter most to us--for many of us that includes our faith and religious beliefs.  I hope that we can all show respect and learn from each other's perspectives, even if they are different from our own.  My story includes my faith in Christ and how He has strengthened me individually and in my marriage.  Thank you for allowing me to open my heart to you!*

You know how when you're first married, older couples look at you, chuckle, and sigh, "Oh newly-wedded bliss!"  Well, sometimes hearing that made me feel pretty crappy.

For us, the first few months were a little less than blissful.  It's hard to admit this too, because I don't want you to think, "Oh man, they have a rocky marriage..."  Cause I am--and forever will be--so grateful to have my loving, kind, funny Patrick for a husband.  Life is good!  :)  But, we had to get to this point.  The truth is: though it's wonderful, marriage isn't perfect.  It's two people coming from different backgrounds trying to become one family unit: unless you are both super easy-going people, with fabulous communication, there's bound to be some issues.  I mean, guys and girls think and react differently and every person has their own unique way of seeing things.  For us, we had to hash out some of these differences right at the beginning.

We had both lived independently for several years and we were used to doing things our own way, without needing someone else's approval.  Suddenly, we were a married couple and we were having a hard time figuring out how to constructively handle differences of opinions.

One night, after a "fight" (we weren't the yelling-and-throwing-things type...we just mostly got hurt and quiet and withdrew from each other) I was laying in bed next to my husband after our nightly prayer.  I wanted to finish talking through the conflict, but he turned over and wanted to let it be.  I wondered, "Doesn't everybody say, "Never go to bed angry?  Aren't we supposed to resolve this now?  Are we going to fail if we can't communicate?"  Tears of frustration and worry about us slid down my face, soaking my pillow.  Though I was right next to my husband, I felt alone.  I was silently willing him to turn to me and say, "I'm sorry.  Let's figure this out.  I love you."

But, he didn't.

I quietly cried, and thought, "I'm sure he knows I'm crying.  Why doesn't he reach out to me?"

I lay there till I couldn't take it anymore.  I slipped out of bed, walked into the living room, and curled up on the couch.  My heart was aching and I needed him to come to me: I didn't need him to tell me I was right, and he was wrong--I just needed him to put his arms around me and to reassure me that he loved me despite the conflict.

After waiting in the dark, cold living room, listening to the clock tick for a long time, the harsh realization came: He is not coming.

I felt crushingly dissapointed by the man who I loved so much.  Sobs shook me as I wondered, "How could he let me suffer alone?"  I ached and cried to my Heavenly Father.  I was so confused--I knew I had made the right decision to marry Patrick--I had felt God's approval and guidance throughout our relationship, unlike I'd ever felt with any other boy.  So why was marriage proving to be so hard?  Why weren't conflicts easy to talk through?  Weren't we supposed to be full of newly-wedded bliss?  And, WHY wasn't Patrick coming to me and making it better?!

When I was all cried out, I lay there sniffling, curled up on the loveseat of our tiny basement apartment, and pondered.  In the quiet, the thought came: "You are looking to the wrong source for healing."

It was so powerful-- a gentle reminder from my loving Heavenly Father.  After pondering this for a few minutes, I again began to pray.  I told my Father how my heart was aching.  I explained that I knew it was good and right for Patrick and I to be husband and wife, but we were having a rough time figuring out how to live together, communicate well, and cooperate.  I told Him that I knew my Savior had already felt my worry and loneliness, and tonight I desperately needed Him to comfort me.

Immediately, a warm peace filled my empty and aching heart with God's love.  Not many times in my life have I had such a dramatic and immediate answer to prayer...often my answers come with time and patience, but this time, He granted relief as soon as I asked.  Though it may seem like a small thing, to my hurting soul, this was a miracle!

I marveled at the complete love that filled me and basked in it.  With grateful tears in my eyes, I thanked Him for His kindness and for healing my heart.  And, though I was exhausted and my eyes raw, His love was enough.  I took my weary body back to bed, and slipped in next to my husband.

Who was completely deep in sleep.

Wow.  He wasn't stonily ignoring my pain, he was just...sleeping!  Ha--He didn't even know that I was distraught!  It was almost comical how I had expected him to read my mind and come to my rescue, while he was dead asleep.  Over time I've realized he is more of a "let's sleep on it, and talk about it in the morning when we're not so tired." kind of guy.  And that's fine!

This experience was life changing.  I learned that I can't expect that my husband will be able to do/be everything that I need.  He can't "make" me happy or fix all my hurts and worries.  At times he will even be the cause of my pain or disappointment...cause, guess what--he's human!  And there have been and will definitely still be many times that I disappoint and frustrate him--Cause I'm human too!

Also, he can't read my mind.  The only ones who fully and completely know my heart and my thoughts, my desires, and motivations, are my Heavenly Father and His Son.  Jesus Christ knows my  every sorrow, hurt, heartache, guilt, and worry.  He felt my pain and paid for my sins.  

Sometimes, I have to remember, if I am sad or frustrated, and I look to my husband, like, "Why don't you make this better?" then I am asking him to heal me.  And, that is not his role.  He is my partner, my companion, my soundboard, my love, and closest friend--But he is not my Savior.  Just like that gentle reminder to me when I sobbed on the couch, only Christ can fill the role of Savior and Healer.  My husband can give me love, support, and comfort, but true and complete healing only comes through the power of Christ's atonement.  And, I can't fix my hub either.  We both have to turn to the Lord as individuals and as a couple.  If do all that I can to make life good (even when it's not easy) and rely on my Savior--He will fulfill me.  His love will radiate through me as I reach out to my husband, children, neighbors, and every person I meet.  (In other words, let your light so shine!  Mathew 5:14-16)  His love will enable me to be more Christ-like and be a better spouse.  It was eye-opening to see that I had unrealistic expectations of my spouse and of marriage in general.

Now, we are SO much better at being married folks.  It's crazy to think back on that night and how sad I was.  And even though it seems a bit dramatic now, I feel protective of the vulnerable girl I was on that night, and grateful to her for accepting a humbling message from the Lord and for her desire to change.  You know what?  I'm SO glad to be done with the newlywed time.  I like being a couple years in.  (three and a half...woot woot!  Haha...I know, we're babies.)  We're comfortable in our marriage.  It feels safe and warm.  It's a joy to share my life with such a good man who makes me laugh all the time.  Seeing him with our baby boy makes my heart swell with love and gratitude.  We try to see the good in each other and forgive each other for mistakes (like he did when I accidentally left a half gallon of acrylic paint in the living room and my toddler dumped it all over the carpet...NOT cool.)   Of course we still have conflicts and get super bugged at each other, but we try to let go of the small stuff, and talk out the important stuff. (and I try to remember that he usually isn't ready to discuss it immediately, but needs some time)  This is soooo much better than both our natural reactions to conflict--retreating from each other and being silent.  So, we aren't perfect, but we're both trying.  And God fills in the gaps.

I believe with all of my heart that regardless of marital status (single, divorced, etc) or problems in a marriage, when we are doing all we can to follow Christ, we will feel love, peace, and fulfillment.  Even in trials.  I'm not just saying that either...I know it and I've felt it.  I believe in the Savior's promise to each of us that He will carry our burdens.  And all of us will go through some really bad crap in this life--heavy, heavy burdens that make us tremble under the weight.  Though I don't know what each of your hidden battles are, I do know that God does.  He loves you.  He sent His Son for you, and through the Savior, you can be lifted and strengthened and healed--He's just waiting for you to turn to Him!

Friends, thank you for letting me open my heart to you! :)  I gotta get cheesy for a minute and tell you that I love you!  It's been amazing to feel your support, read your stories, and hear your comments since starting this blog.  And because I love you, I wanted to share with you what means the most to me: my faith in God and His Son.  Whatever your beliefs, I hope you know and believe that YOU have so much worth--because you do! 
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Ps. I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, and experiences about finding joy in marriage!  How does your spirituality impact your relationship with your spouse?  And, if you appreciated this post, please Like/Share so others can join in the conversation!  Thank you!  :)

What YOU have to say is important and worthwhile; We'd love to hear from you!  So...don't forget I'm looking for ladies (...Like YOU! :) ) to share stories, experiences, insights, tips, projects, etc. here on SOM!  It's fun to guest post...please check out the "Wanna contribute?" tab on the right margin and contact me for more deets!

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You Had Me at "Shut Up."

 By Kristina

Jordan and I met in Sunday School. It was incredibly romantic and tenderly sweet. I was teaching the class, and it was the first Sunday of the semester. Everyone was new, and excited to meet each other. The menfolk were on the prowl for perspectives. Jordan was definitely a part of that. I had made a general comment or two about calming and quieting down. For the most part, it worked. The only person who didn't listen was some punk of a guy sitting in the back row, chatting it up with anything in a skirt. It was irritating. I started my lesson anyway, thinking this guy would get the clue. But he didn't. And it was infuriating. 
Finally, I'd had enough. I pointed to him all the way in the back and said, "Hey you. What's your name?" 
"Jordan." he replied with a grin. He was sure I was into him (or so I believe.) 
"Jordan." I replied. "Shut up." 

And with that, I went back to teaching my lesson. That smirk was long gone, and my sweet husband now admits to going home and asking his roommates, "What was up that teacher's butt??" 

Classy, I know. 

Somehow, we transitioned from that introduction, to a few months later waiting for appointments and chatting. Chatting lead to pizza, pizza lead to dates, dates lead to smooching. And now, almost three years later, it's all lead to marriage, and a baby, and a house. And a dog. We must never forget the dog, no matter how cute said baby is. 

Our first picture together.

The day of our first kiss..(after showers of course.)

And if that isn't the love story of the century, I don't know what is.

-Kristina 

Check out Kristina's Intro and first SOM post: "Breaking into the Baby-Making Business"

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My Dysfunctional Love Past

By Amy

Being February--in the spirit of Valentines Day and all--Next week will be the week of sharing ridiculous love stories here on SOM.  But, before we get to all the LUV, I feel the need to tell you about the sordid (ha!) details of my love history. 

In the beginning, I liked one boy at a time, for long periods of time.  But, I NEVER wanted anyone to know, especially the boy I liked. 

I am the second from the left.  See, those glasses doomed me to grow into an awkward person. 

I liked one boy from kindergarten to 5th grade (and to prove I didn't like him, I beat the crap out of him daily on the playground until 3rd grade...but it's ok, I've apologized, he's graciously forgiven me, we are both happily married--so that proves I didn't permanently scar him, right?).  Then, I liked a new boy all through middle school (I didn't beat up this kid, but I avoided him like he had the plague...and leprosy...all the while adoring him from a distance).

Then I hit Jr. High and High school.  

And went boy crazy.  

But, here's the kicker, I don't think anyone knew!  I still NEVER wanted anyone to know who I liked, so played this "boy-basher" role.  Here's the logic: If everyone thought I valued cute boys as scum-of-the-earth, then the thought wouldn't cross their mind that I might super-like one of them; hence no teasing, no awkwardness, no stupid situations.  I would never have to face rejection from a boy...I wouldn't have to worry about not being good enough, not pretty enough, funny enough, flirty enough, etc for a boy to like me.  So, I projected a perfect, "I couldn't care less" attitude.  

But, in my head, I was boy-crazy.  People who knew me then, may not believe it, but it is true.  Here's a sample of the boys I liked:

The sarcastic, funny boys that I was friends with, but always secretly hoped that they would like me back; the older jock; the boy in choir who had A VOICE; the older brother of my friend who was worshiped by the general population of females; the dark, brooding boys in my art classes who designed tattoos; the shy, sweet boys who made me melt; the nerdy but witty boys who no girls appreciated...And don't forget the infinite number of boys who stood in awkward awe of my beautiful friends, who joked around with me or begged for any information: "Does she like me?" 

I should clarify, I had lots of really good guy friends that I was comfortable with, but as soon as any of them started acting "weird" (if any boy complimented me or showed any interest) I would run.  Even if I liked him; especially if I liked him!  

Once, I heard an older boy said I was cute.  Later, I saw him coming towards me while I was wandering though the halls during class (I remember doing that a lot...hmmm). 

The hall was empty--just he and I.  

Walking toward each other.  

I was about to DIE.  My stomach was climbing up my throat, my arms were going numb, and my mind was...non-functioning.

In my panic I stuck my head in a locker.  And, no, not my locker.  I still remember being horrified at myself, rooting around like I was looking for my math notebook in some stranger's un-locked locker, willing that boy to walk past without noticing me.  Yeah, pathetic.  And highly awkward.  

This is a pic from my study abroad trip to Europe.  My friends and I met an Australian guy who worked at the hostel we stayed at.  My friends thought I should get a pic with him.  I am blushing.  And HIGHLY uncomfortable.  Can you tell?  HAha..

I had several crushes in college.  But, by this time of weird relationship avoidance, I had some major anxiety about dating, and I would get physically sick if a guy asked me out.  So, I kept up the long-distance liking.  The main guy I liked in college was Bobby.  (Bobby, if you ever read this, just take this as a compliment and don't be weird-ed out.)  He was a really cool guy, kind of quiet, nice, and funny.  I probably spoke to him a total of ten times, though I was around him a lot.  We were in the same ward at church.  Once I heard he wanted to ask me on a date; I walked around stunned--half ecstatic that he knew I existed and half afraid that he would actually would ask me out.  I was convinced that if he did, I would just tip over dead.  He never did, so I escaped a tragic and early death.

Well, at least SOMEONE is more awkward with boys than me.  This is my sister, Sherie's, hilarious daughter, Livi, being Junice from SNL for Halloween.  WHAT?!  You don't know who Junice is? Check out it out HERE.

And...this is freakin' embarrassing, but since I'm laying everything out here on the table (er...screen), I will share the poem I wrote on Valentines Day 2005, about Bobby.  And, it's pretty much a work of literary genius, so...enjoy:

I have a new hobby, it's thinking about you, Bobby. 
I watch for you daily in the Taylor lobby. 
I like you better than buttered corn on the cobby. 
To spend time with you, Hey, I'd quite my jobby!
So, you be my Mufasa, and I'll be your Sarabi. 
What do you say, Will you be mine, Bobby?  

Stunning poem, right?  I never gave it to him.  (HA...Thank goodness...it's super creepy.)  But my roommates and I laughed pretty hard.

There was only one boy in high school or college who I liked and was able to function around; I felt safe with him.  He was smart and kind, quiet, but fun, wholesome and good.  I  admired and looked up to him.  We went to a dance together in high school, and he liked me too, in a very non-obvious way (his friends told me he did...so jr, high, I know!)  He came to the musical I sang a few solos in.  My heart skipped several beats as I stood on stage singing, when I saw him sneak into the back row of our tiny high school theater.   We were never actually boyfriend/girlfriend (I didn't want that in high school) but we stayed good friends through college.  We wrote each other during the time that we both served as missionaries for our church, and I appreciated his letters.  They were encouraging and uplifting and made me laugh.  Now and then I wondered, "Will I marry him?" And then, right before I came home, he told me he was moving away to go to graduate school the week before my return.   When I read that sentence, I was a little sad, but I remember calmly thinking, "Well, that's that.  If we were going to get married, it would have worked out."  I realize now that it wasn't real "I'm in LOVE" love; it was more admiration and friendship mixed with a crush.  But I'll always be grateful to him for his friendship and for helping me see that I could like someone without flipping out.

So no, I didn't marry him.  We went separate ways, and I went back to college, determined to stop acting like a crazy person, and to date like a civilized human being.

When two people THIS awkward meet, it's gotta be love.  Haha, don't we look 14?

But how, you ask, did I go from a terrified, anxiety-ridden relationship avoider to meeting, dating, then marrying the Amazing Patrick Graham?  

That, my friends, is my favorite story.  Read his debut in the second half of my love saga here!  

-Amy

P.S. Ummmm....Please don't ask me for specifics of who these crushes were. 

P.P.S. People who knew me in High School, did I seem as crazy as I think I was? 

P.P.P.S. Did YOU do anything crazy around any of your crushes?  Yes?  Please Tell!  I LOVE awkward stories.  HA!

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