Quick and Easy Craft: Love Song Pillow

By Amy

My husband and I don't have "a song."

There are many we love, like, "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz.  We both LOVE that song, but as our love song?  It sounds a little like we are constantly struggling in our relationship!  And we both LOVE "Awake" by Josh Groban (this is my favorite version!  It's with Idina Menzel, so duh, it's amazing.), but it's kinda sad too!  It's about a couple who has to be apart...it makes me think of couples where one spouse is in the military.  So, that doesn't really fit us, though we love it.

And, I am crazy for the Beatles, but he's not a huge fan, so none of the sweet Beatles love songs will work. :(

We just can't agree on one.  But, the lyrics to, "Till there was You" from the Music Man pretty perfectly describe my feelings for him, since I never had a serious relationship till I met him.  (Oh geez...if you watch the video I linked, you might die when they start singing in each other's faces...haha!  Gotta love musicals!)

I dealt with a lot of anxiety over dating in high school and college, but he was such a good friend, and I was finally in a good place to try having a relationship...and basically, the timing was meant to be, cause it was right when I met Patrick!  I liked him SO much, he was worth facing the fear.  And I, who made fun of everything sappy and romantic for years, was suddenly the sappiest of saps.  (You can read our ridiculous love story here)  So, at least from MY point of view, this is our song. :)

For a while, I've wanted a cool accent pillow for our bed, and I had a pillow I was tired of, so I decided to put some fun graphic letters on the back, which was just plain fabric.  And, since it was for our bedroom, I thought something a little sweet and romantical would be nice!  But it couldn't be all flowery and pink (cause I share this room with a manly man), so I figured the plain block letters would work nicely.  I used a gold fabric pen, to echo the other gold accents in our room.  I probably would choose a little darker of a color if I were to do it over again, cause it's a little more subtle than I wanted it to be, but hey!  I still like it! :)

I tried stencils, but I wanted to rip my hair out, so I freehanded it.  And I used every ounce of juice in that marker!

Finished!

It's a sweet reminder of our love story every time I walk in to the room. Yay!  (Don't tell Patrick that the Beatles covered this song...haha. :)

What do you think?  Too subtle?  Hmmmm.

Do you and your hub or boyfriend have a song?  What is it?  I'd love to hear. :)  Any other songless couples out there?

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The Ups and Downs of Raising Teens

By Lynette
Introduced by Amy

Well friends, the holidays are behind us, and it's back to normal, everyday life.  I love partying at Christmas time, but there's something soothing about the daily routine.  (Ha...I sound 70 years old.)  Plus, with a wild toddler, "normal" is not the same as "predictable" or "calm"...ha!  No way.  It's a tantrum-fest around here.  But, life is good and I'm pretty pumped for 2014...it's gonna be a good year.  :)  I can feel it in my bones!  

For this guest post, I am so honored to have an experienced momma, Lynette, share her thoughts on parenting teens.  She has 2 teens...along with 4 younger kiddios!!!!  I was so happy she agreed to share some of her ideas and tips--I mean, with 6 kids, this lady knows a thing or two!  Lynette and her husband are neighbors to my in-laws and they go to the same church.  Whenever we visit Patrick's parents we usually sit behind Lynette and her family...It's fun to see them filling up the whole pew.  I've always admired the kind, warm way that Lynette and her husband interact with their kids.  Here are her thoughts!  (Oh, and remember, with all parenting topics, everyone parents according to their own opinions, values, and their kids' needs...It's totally ok to have differences in the way we parent!  But, we can ALL be kind and learn from each other!  Thanks!)
-Amy

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What are the ages of your kids?

We have 6 children. Oldest is 16, then 14, 11, 9, 6, and youngest is 4.


What is the toughest part about raising teens? 

I think the toughest part about raising teens is when they won't talk to you.  How can I help you when you won't talk to me?  Sometimes our teens do this.  We have tried several things but I will tell you 3 things that have helped.

1- We do weekly interviews with all our kids.  They know it is coming.  My husband and I do this together.

2 - If they decide to always give the classic teenage answer "I don't know" or even just a shoulder shrug, we tell them that is not an acceptable answer and they will be expected to say something.  Then we give them the option to talk now or at a later time.  Sometimes there are other times when my teenagers will just talk and talk and talk.  This is when we tell them how much we love it when they talk and tell us anything and everything and it's ok if it's totally random and then we ask them all the questions we want and they talk.

3 - Sometimes it helps for us as parents to talk first and tell them about our lives and things we struggle with or how we feel.  It helps them open up.  And don't forget to pray.  God is so very much on your side!  He wants you to help His children just as much as you do!

What is the best part of having teens?

The best part of having teens is all the fun things we can do together, talking to them about the little things that go on in high school, taking them out to lunch, surprising them at their seminary class with a treat, getting to know their friends, helping at their practices, rehearsals, and classes.  We just love being there.  We aren't the kind of parents to drop them off and wait in the car.  We love to come in and get to know their coaches, director's, and be a part of their practices and rehearsals.  This is so fun!!  My husband loves helping them with their homework.  His talent is tutoring math.  Some nights are late but he loves spending that time with them and learning together.

How do you find the balance between giving them rules verses giving them freedom to make choices?

We are not perfect at this, but one of the best things we can do is teach them why.  Teach them why we have this rule and that rule.  Teach them the doctrine behind the rule.  For example, we teach our teen girls that in junior high or high school, you don't share your problems with boys.  Why?  Because talking to a boy about your problems leads to emotional intimacy and "closeness" which can lead to physical "closeness."  We encourage them to just be friends and have fun together!  If you have a bad day, tell your girlfriends, your siblings, or your parents about it.  So, we teach them why.  Then many times we tell our teenagers, "Now you watch the girls in high school and watch the ones who have boyfriends and see what happens." So many times this has taught the lesson better than we could.  We all know teenage relationships don't last; they bring so much drama and heartache and up and down.  When our girls saw this over and over again with their closest friends, it helped them realize how much they didn't want that.

I love the verse of scripture: "wickedness never was happiness."  It is so simple and so true.  If you go against the commandments of God, you will not be happy.  When our kids have questions we ask them "What does Jesus say about this?" or "What have the leaders in our church counseled us about this?"  Our kids have not been perfect and they have made lots of mistakes.  But hopefully they have learned from their mistakes. 

How do you talk about the tough stuff - morality, sex, etc...?

My advice here is do it ALL THE TIME and start when they are young.  We talk about this every week in our interviews.  Tell me all the boys you like - think are cute, have a crush on, like to be around etc...  We talk about their body and how it is changing and what questions they have.  We talk about sex and marriage and pregnancy and having babies.  Sometimes we just teach them one thing about their body or about sex.  Then they can ask more if they want.  But when we bring it up every week, then they know it is a common subject with their parents and when they are wondering about something, they can ask!  And again, teach the doctrine.  Teach the sacredness of your body and of marriage.  It is all given to us by God and don't let the world ruin it and pollute it!

How do you encourage them in their interests?

This is fun!  We love to allow them to try new things so they can explore their interests.  We like to take them places so they can explore different careers and hobbies.  We try to help them sign up for things and still have the balance of family time at home.  We try to praise them for their efforts and participation.  We also try to teach them about commitment.  They get to choose what they participate in and get involved in, and then they have to follow through and can't quit.  It's so fun to see them try things and grow.  I have to remind myself why we do all these things for our kids.  I have to think about why we are here on earth and what is really important and find the place for developing talents without letting it get in the way of other important things.  And we talk to our kids about praising God in all we do and recognizing that our talents come from Him and we have talents to praise and serve Him.

How do you work with your husband in teaching your kids?

Doing our weekly interviews together is really good because we both know the current needs of each of our children.  My husband is so good at things that I struggle with.  He is better at talking to our kids much of the time.  And his priesthood blessings (a special kind of prayer that the Father gives to a child through the inspiration and direction of the Spirit) really help our kids.  It also helps to talk privately as husband and wife about each child and how to help them.  Then we are more united on helping them.  And God inspires us to know what to do as we discuss their needs.
-Lynette

Reading stories with Dad on Father's day.

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Thank you so much Lynette!  There were so many good ideas there!  I appreciate how deliberate, mindful, and prayerful they are in their parenting.   I also love their tactic for talking about the hard stuff....just do it!  Frequently and comfortably!  Then your kids know that they are safe/ok topics and that they can talk to mom and dad about anything.  Brilliant. :)  

Oh, and...I totally remember saying, "I don't know." when my parents would ask me what was wrong...ha!  *Sigh...I had some bratty moments....like my whole junior year.  :)

What do you think?  Mommas, how do you balance rules vs. freedom with your kids?  How do you talk about the tough subjects?  (Whew...I'm feeling glad that the toughest subject my son and I are dealing with right now is how it's not appropriate to put our blanket in the toilet!)  How do you work as a team with your husband?  And ladies, what about your parents--did you have a really open relationship them?  Do you wish they had been more or less involved in your choices?  How did they help you in your choices?  We'd love to hear from you.  :) And, if you loved this post, please Like/Share using the buttons below! 

Also, if you're new here to SOM, welcome! :)  Be sure to "Like" the blog on the upper right to get facebook updates when we have more awesome posts!  We have a lot of fun around here.  :)

P.S. Check out this awesome wisdom from my mother-in-law about finding balance in a busy family with lots of extra curricular activities...she's knows what she's talking about too, cause she has raised/is still raising 5 teens. :)

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My Journey: Depression

By Kara
Introduced by Amy

Kara is from my hometown, the good ol' town of Shelley, Idaho.  I was friends with her older siblings, as well as her husband's big bro.  When she told me about her experience with depression after having a baby, my heart hurt for her.  Man, after you have a baby your hormones are wiggity-wack...I cried a lot.  But, there is a real difference between baby blues (which I had) and true, full-on, crushing depression.  Kara tells us her story straight from her heart.  During a trial like this, it can be easy to feel alone, but I know that there are many who secretly battle depression.  For Kara, the battle was gut-wrenching, but happily, she was able to find the help that she needed, and the surprising source of her depression! 
-Amy
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Our new little girl, Emery.

About a month after Emery was born I started having some bad days. (This is when my mom started noticing something was wrong).  When Emery was three months old, it really hit me: I was depressed.  One night in particular, I couldn't stop crying and I called my mom to come ASAP.

The next day, Dr. Clark fit me right in to her (very) busy schedule because of the message that I had left her.  Having my husband, Jared, and my mom there meant a lot, because I was such a mess.  My doctor decided that I did need to go on some medicine and suggested I go to Idaho to have more constant support as Jared was in school and gone quite a bit.

I headed to Idaho for the week, spent time with my family there, as well as the close friends and neighbors I had grown up with.  The next week my mom and I headed back to Utah to spend time there so I could be with Jared too.  I was an emotional wreck.  I had good days and bad days, good times of the day and bad times of the day--but I just kept crying and crying.  The medicine I was on made me feel sick and I had no appetite.  I ended up losing 9 pounds in the first 3 days I was on it.

A month before my first appointment.

The majority of the time I hated life and I disliked being a mom.  I wanted to go back to how things "used to be."  After some time in Utah, my mom and I headed back to Idaho; we decided it would be best because Jared was busy with school and I needed more support than I was getting in Utah.  I needed to be around people constantly and to be busy-- I couldn’t handle any “down time” or I would hit rock bottom.

After a rough weekend of “being brave” and going back to Utah, I went back to Dr. Clark.  She decided that I needed to add another medicine to what I was already taking because my case of "postpartum depression" was pretty severe.  That afternoon I headed back to Idaho with my mom.  It was so hard to be away from Jared but we skyped, texted, talked on the phone, and constantly communicated in any way we could.  I kept myself busy by staying with people and setting up my own “babysitters.”  I especially spent a lot of time with my sister; she was a huge strength and support through these months.  I started to have some good days--days when I felt normal during parts of them.  Jared and my mom commented that they saw the old me again and were happy about it.  He came for the weekend, and when it was time for him to leave I was a mess again--I cried and cried.  We went to friends' house and talked to them and received support, and I was able to pull myself together for Jared to head home.

Monday was an okay day, I was a mess in the morning, but pulled myself together by the afternoon. Tuesday I went to Amber’s house and shortly after arriving, it hit and I was terribly depressed.  I tried to keep busy, I did her dishes, I helped her clean, but nothing was working.  Thoughts of hurting myself entered my head and I texted my mom in panic.  I knew these thoughts were dumb, and had no idea where they came from, but I was ready to quit playing this game, I didn't know how to get the thoughts to go away.  Eight weeks was a long time to feel this way and I was sick of it, I knew that I wouldn't ever do anything, but I was scared.  I needed help, real help.  I was finally open to going to a counselor, something that many had suggested but I wasn't open to.  But, at this point, I just wanted any kind of help that I could get to make things better.

My mom came and picked me up and took me to the P.A. I had seen before I got married.  We talked about how I was feeling, the medicines I was on (vitamins, essential oils, the meds for depression, the med I was on to help increase my milk supply, etc.).  She told us she would be right back and left for a minute.  She came back with her phone and started explaining that the medicine I was on to increase my milk supply (Reglan) had side effects of severe depression and anxiety and suggested that I go off of it immediately.  She told us that she wouldn’t even prescribe it because of all off the terrible side effects it can have.  I was on a double dose 4x a day and had been on it since about a month after Emery was born.  My mom and I started thinking back and the timelines matched up perfectly.  She started noticing changes in me about the time I went on it, and when it was doubled was about the time things got really bad and I went in to the doctor for the first time.

I went to bed with hope that night of things changing.  There seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel.  The next day I started feeling better.  I spent the day with my dad running errands.  Thursday I woke up after sleeping in and felt pretty good.  I spent the next four hours with just Emery and didn't have an anxiety attack.  I did it.

I am so thankful for a doctor that figured out what was going on.  I really didn't have postpartum depression but had been suffering from a medically induced depression.  We have since found out that the med I was on is only supposed to be used for a minimal amounts of time and is suggested for Chemo patients who are having stomach problems.

Right about the time that I realized what was going on.

We were away from Jared for Emery's first Halloween because of the amount of support I constantly needed.

"Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals" -(Home Alone).  It was so good to be "normal" again at Christmas and to get to enjoy our little family TOGETHER.

My family today!

My journey was a rough one; one that I am still finishing as I adjust back to being "normal" again.  It is a trial that I needed to go through...It tried my patience, strength, and hope.  It made me rely on my Heavenly Father, family and friends more than I ever have.  It is something I never want to deal with again, nor want anyone to have to deal with.

Depression is rough; it is hard; it is real.

A year has passed since that first doctor's visit and life is fabulous.  We’re living our state of “normal” and loving every minute.  Emery continues to be a joy in our lives and teaches us new things constantly.  Life couldn’t be better!
-Kara

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Thank you Kara for your courage in sharing your story!  I was so inspired by her faith, as well as the love her husband, family, and friends showed her; they were such an incredible support system.  

How about you, friends?  Have you experienced depression?  What did those around you do that eased your burden?  We'd love to hear. :)
 -Amy

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Sunday Thoughts: Your Spouse Can't Heal You

By Amy

I love Patrick!  Ha, he looks so baby-face without his goatee. :)

*Here on SOM, we talk about the things that matter most to us--for many of us that includes our faith and religious beliefs.  I hope that we can all show respect and learn from each other's perspectives, even if they are different from our own.  My story includes my faith in Christ and how He has strengthened me individually and in my marriage.  Thank you for allowing me to open my heart to you!*

You know how when you're first married, older couples look at you, chuckle, and sigh, "Oh newly-wedded bliss!"  Well, sometimes hearing that made me feel pretty crappy.

For us, the first few months were a little less than blissful.  It's hard to admit this too, because I don't want you to think, "Oh man, they have a rocky marriage..."  Cause I am--and forever will be--so grateful to have my loving, kind, funny Patrick for a husband.  Life is good!  :)  But, we had to get to this point.  The truth is: though it's wonderful, marriage isn't perfect.  It's two people coming from different backgrounds trying to become one family unit: unless you are both super easy-going people, with fabulous communication, there's bound to be some issues.  I mean, guys and girls think and react differently and every person has their own unique way of seeing things.  For us, we had to hash out some of these differences right at the beginning.

We had both lived independently for several years and we were used to doing things our own way, without needing someone else's approval.  Suddenly, we were a married couple and we were having a hard time figuring out how to constructively handle differences of opinions.

One night, after a "fight" (we weren't the yelling-and-throwing-things type...we just mostly got hurt and quiet and withdrew from each other) I was laying in bed next to my husband after our nightly prayer.  I wanted to finish talking through the conflict, but he turned over and wanted to let it be.  I wondered, "Doesn't everybody say, "Never go to bed angry?  Aren't we supposed to resolve this now?  Are we going to fail if we can't communicate?"  Tears of frustration and worry about us slid down my face, soaking my pillow.  Though I was right next to my husband, I felt alone.  I was silently willing him to turn to me and say, "I'm sorry.  Let's figure this out.  I love you."

But, he didn't.

I quietly cried, and thought, "I'm sure he knows I'm crying.  Why doesn't he reach out to me?"

I lay there till I couldn't take it anymore.  I slipped out of bed, walked into the living room, and curled up on the couch.  My heart was aching and I needed him to come to me: I didn't need him to tell me I was right, and he was wrong--I just needed him to put his arms around me and to reassure me that he loved me despite the conflict.

After waiting in the dark, cold living room, listening to the clock tick for a long time, the harsh realization came: He is not coming.

I felt crushingly dissapointed by the man who I loved so much.  Sobs shook me as I wondered, "How could he let me suffer alone?"  I ached and cried to my Heavenly Father.  I was so confused--I knew I had made the right decision to marry Patrick--I had felt God's approval and guidance throughout our relationship, unlike I'd ever felt with any other boy.  So why was marriage proving to be so hard?  Why weren't conflicts easy to talk through?  Weren't we supposed to be full of newly-wedded bliss?  And, WHY wasn't Patrick coming to me and making it better?!

When I was all cried out, I lay there sniffling, curled up on the loveseat of our tiny basement apartment, and pondered.  In the quiet, the thought came: "You are looking to the wrong source for healing."

It was so powerful-- a gentle reminder from my loving Heavenly Father.  After pondering this for a few minutes, I again began to pray.  I told my Father how my heart was aching.  I explained that I knew it was good and right for Patrick and I to be husband and wife, but we were having a rough time figuring out how to live together, communicate well, and cooperate.  I told Him that I knew my Savior had already felt my worry and loneliness, and tonight I desperately needed Him to comfort me.

Immediately, a warm peace filled my empty and aching heart with God's love.  Not many times in my life have I had such a dramatic and immediate answer to prayer...often my answers come with time and patience, but this time, He granted relief as soon as I asked.  Though it may seem like a small thing, to my hurting soul, this was a miracle!

I marveled at the complete love that filled me and basked in it.  With grateful tears in my eyes, I thanked Him for His kindness and for healing my heart.  And, though I was exhausted and my eyes raw, His love was enough.  I took my weary body back to bed, and slipped in next to my husband.

Who was completely deep in sleep.

Wow.  He wasn't stonily ignoring my pain, he was just...sleeping!  Ha--He didn't even know that I was distraught!  It was almost comical how I had expected him to read my mind and come to my rescue, while he was dead asleep.  Over time I've realized he is more of a "let's sleep on it, and talk about it in the morning when we're not so tired." kind of guy.  And that's fine!

This experience was life changing.  I learned that I can't expect that my husband will be able to do/be everything that I need.  He can't "make" me happy or fix all my hurts and worries.  At times he will even be the cause of my pain or disappointment...cause, guess what--he's human!  And there have been and will definitely still be many times that I disappoint and frustrate him--Cause I'm human too!

Also, he can't read my mind.  The only ones who fully and completely know my heart and my thoughts, my desires, and motivations, are my Heavenly Father and His Son.  Jesus Christ knows my  every sorrow, hurt, heartache, guilt, and worry.  He felt my pain and paid for my sins.  

Sometimes, I have to remember, if I am sad or frustrated, and I look to my husband, like, "Why don't you make this better?" then I am asking him to heal me.  And, that is not his role.  He is my partner, my companion, my soundboard, my love, and closest friend--But he is not my Savior.  Just like that gentle reminder to me when I sobbed on the couch, only Christ can fill the role of Savior and Healer.  My husband can give me love, support, and comfort, but true and complete healing only comes through the power of Christ's atonement.  And, I can't fix my hub either.  We both have to turn to the Lord as individuals and as a couple.  If do all that I can to make life good (even when it's not easy) and rely on my Savior--He will fulfill me.  His love will radiate through me as I reach out to my husband, children, neighbors, and every person I meet.  (In other words, let your light so shine!  Mathew 5:14-16)  His love will enable me to be more Christ-like and be a better spouse.  It was eye-opening to see that I had unrealistic expectations of my spouse and of marriage in general.

Now, we are SO much better at being married folks.  It's crazy to think back on that night and how sad I was.  And even though it seems a bit dramatic now, I feel protective of the vulnerable girl I was on that night, and grateful to her for accepting a humbling message from the Lord and for her desire to change.  You know what?  I'm SO glad to be done with the newlywed time.  I like being a couple years in.  (three and a half...woot woot!  Haha...I know, we're babies.)  We're comfortable in our marriage.  It feels safe and warm.  It's a joy to share my life with such a good man who makes me laugh all the time.  Seeing him with our baby boy makes my heart swell with love and gratitude.  We try to see the good in each other and forgive each other for mistakes (like he did when I accidentally left a half gallon of acrylic paint in the living room and my toddler dumped it all over the carpet...NOT cool.)   Of course we still have conflicts and get super bugged at each other, but we try to let go of the small stuff, and talk out the important stuff. (and I try to remember that he usually isn't ready to discuss it immediately, but needs some time)  This is soooo much better than both our natural reactions to conflict--retreating from each other and being silent.  So, we aren't perfect, but we're both trying.  And God fills in the gaps.

I believe with all of my heart that regardless of marital status (single, divorced, etc) or problems in a marriage, when we are doing all we can to follow Christ, we will feel love, peace, and fulfillment.  Even in trials.  I'm not just saying that either...I know it and I've felt it.  I believe in the Savior's promise to each of us that He will carry our burdens.  And all of us will go through some really bad crap in this life--heavy, heavy burdens that make us tremble under the weight.  Though I don't know what each of your hidden battles are, I do know that God does.  He loves you.  He sent His Son for you, and through the Savior, you can be lifted and strengthened and healed--He's just waiting for you to turn to Him!

Friends, thank you for letting me open my heart to you! :)  I gotta get cheesy for a minute and tell you that I love you!  It's been amazing to feel your support, read your stories, and hear your comments since starting this blog.  And because I love you, I wanted to share with you what means the most to me: my faith in God and His Son.  Whatever your beliefs, I hope you know and believe that YOU have so much worth--because you do! 
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Ps. I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, and experiences about finding joy in marriage!  How does your spirituality impact your relationship with your spouse?  And, if you appreciated this post, please Like/Share so others can join in the conversation!  Thank you!  :)

What YOU have to say is important and worthwhile; We'd love to hear from you!  So...don't forget I'm looking for ladies (...Like YOU! :) ) to share stories, experiences, insights, tips, projects, etc. here on SOM!  It's fun to guest post...please check out the "Wanna contribute?" tab on the right margin and contact me for more deets!

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Men with Facial hair: Handsome or Homeless looking?

By Amy

Here at SOM we always tackle the tough issues, the real concerns, the things that matter most.  

Except for when we don't.  Today, let's just talk about mustaches!

I always thought I preferred clean-shaved guys.  I liked the wholesome look.  My knowledge of facial hair while I was growing up consisted of middle-aged cowboys/farmers with handlebar mustaches (welcome to Idaho!) and young, renegade lookin' guys with goatees.  Occasionally I saw a beard, but mostly a beard made me think of Santa Claus.  Or Paul Bunyan.  Or a hermit.

But, when I married a bald guy (which I NEVER thought I would do...Read our awkward dating story here...) I soon realized that in his family full of shiny heads, the vast majority of them had goatees. 

But I didn't want Patrick to have one.  It would make him look dodgy, and I never wanted someone to judge my kind husband wrongly based on a bad-boy facade!  And wouldn't it be so scratchy while kissing!?  Like a lovely sandpaper facial.  Um...No thank you.

But, about a year after we were married, despite my uneasiness, he grew out a goatee.....and I loved it!  A bit of facial hair made his normally baby face suddenly look all manly! :)  And, as far as the kissing, I really don't mind! :)  A little exfoliation is good for the skin, right?  Ha!  But really, It doesn't bother me once he's past the prickly stage.

Before the goat...

After the goat! (*source: my sister, Sherie McDaniel)

Personally, I think he looks pretty foxy either way, but he definitely wears the goatee well.  However, I am still adamantly against the beard.  (Too old man/homeless person.)

Speaking of facial hair.... you have GOT to see these pics... THEY ARE AMAZING:
Greg Anderson Photography--The National Beard and Mustache Championships 

Who knew, huh?  Maybe Patrick can compete next year!  (I'm thinking ringlets for his goat.)

So, does your husband/boyfriend have facial hair?  What is your facial hairiness preference?  Do you prefer smooth chins?  Manly mustaches?  Dangerous, tough guy goatees?  Wooly beards?  Scruffy, sexy stubble?  Do you hate kissing him when he's got facial hair?

Not that these are crucially important questions for your life or happiness...but, hey, since manly facial hair has become a part of my life, I think it's fun to hear what other ladies think! :)

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Young

By Amber
Introduced by Amy 

Amber and I were acquaintances in high school, then became good friends when we sang by each other in choir. (WOO WOO, altos!)  Amber was so cool: she was beautiful, friendly, kind, a dang good singer, and...really she was just more mature than most of us.  Not in a boring way--no, she just didn't get caught up in stupid high school drama.  I really liked that about her.  When I found out that she is the oldest in her family her maturity made sense; she probably helped in her home a lot growing up.  When I heard that Amber got married, I was like, "Dang!" cause I still felt young and SHE was in the grade below me!  But, I knew, if anyone could be a wife and mom at our age, Amber could. 

I saw her later when a few friends and I got together to preform a song in church back in our hometown; she was just as cool, fun, and pretty as ever--she was just a mom now too! 

I really appreciate Amber bravely opening up and telling her story, especially when many in society look down on those who marry young.  But as Amber said, you got to do what feels right no matter what others think!  She's still wise beyond her years.
-Amy

20 years young.  That’s how old I was when my husband and I decided to start our family.

I was even younger when we got married.  18 years and 6 months young to be exact.  What’s even more crazy, is that I didn’t think I was ‘that young’ at the time.  You hear people say all the time that when you fall in love, you just know.  I had no idea what they really meant, but after being on ONE date with my husband, a mere week after high school graduation, I knew I had caught the love bug.  We were married 6 months after our first date.

I could tell that a lot of people were stand-offish about me getting married at my age, but I didn’t even care.

Some friends could only say, 'Wow. You’re getting married?'  I would just smile and exclaim, 'YES! I’m SO excited!'

And I was.  I had never been happier.

Fast forward a year and a half, just a little after my 20th birthday.

One day after I got home from work, I decided to pee on yet another one of those silly sticks (I had gone through many in the 3-4 months prior), and my heart stopped.  And then it started racing at 100 miles per hour.  It was positive!  Was I seeing things?  No, it really was there!  We were pregnant!  I couldn’t contain my excitement and called my hubs right away.  The first thing he said was, "Are you sure? Try not to get too excited, okay?"

Don’t get excited? Ya right. Being a mom was the only thing I had ever wanted to be, and now it was happening.  Fast forward again to 4 weeks later. (I swear… those weeks you have to wait until you go to your first prenatal checkup are killer!)  My poor hubby had gotten a stomach bug and said he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to make it to the appointment.  Honestly, I was a little disappointed.

Luckily, my awesome mom was able to get off work early and come with me.  I was so nervous with butterflies that I couldn’t even think straight.  At that time, my doctor’s office was in the hospital, and well, I got lost.  So lost, that they had to send a nurse out to find me.  Haha.  Seriously, I was a mess!

Well, we finally got back and it was time for the ultrasound.  I actually remember not wanting to look at the screen thinking I would jinx myself or something.  Then then I heard it.  It was a sweet, beautiful, perfect sound.  I looked over and there ‘it’ was.  My baby.  Our baby.  All I could do was smile because I think if I had actually tried to say anything, I would have started blubbering uncontrollably.

The following months rushed by and soon we were getting ready to meet our baby boy a week before his due date.  I had went in for a regular checkup, and after running some tests, my doctor throws the door open and says, "We need to induce you now. Which hospital did you want to deliver at so we can tell them you are on your way?" After 24 hours of labor and a long horrible hour of hard pushing, we was finally here!

I remember the pure joy I felt when my doctor placed him on my belly.  I wanted to kiss him and hold him and never let him go.  The pure happiness and joy that I felt when I had got married had multiplied by a million.

Although I was ‘young’ according to the outside worlds’ standards, I never felt too young or overwhelmed by having to grow up so fast.  I’m not trying to say that I was supermom and say that I never got tired or never cried, but I truly felt that being a mom was what I was meant to do.  That’s what kept me going through all of the continuous feedings and endless crying, and I wouldn’t change any of it for all of the riches in the world.

Our little guy is now 5 years old and now has a 2 year old sister, so I’m definitely not ‘young’ anymore.

People still get a shocked look on their face when we tell them how young we were when we got married and started having kids, but when you know it’s right for YOU, just go with it.

Everyone is different.  For others it may not be right to marry young--that's ok too!

My philosophy: don’t let others get you down for your decisions, and don’t judge others for theirs. :)
 - Amber

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Thanks, Amber!  Isn't she cool?  I am amazed by how she does what she feels is right, and doesn't let the criticizers sway her.  She amazes me too, cause I was needed a lot more time than her to grow up before I was ready to get married!  I still felt young and unprepared when I had a baby, and I had 6 years on her! :)  But, that's probably every first-time mom, regardless of age.  Things are much better now, but, oh, that first night home from the hospital...YIKES. That was a cold dose of reality for me!  Ha!

How about you?  How old were you when you got married or started a family?  Did others question your choice if you were young?  If you were older, did you get pressure from others, for NOT being married?  We'd love to hear from you. :)

PS. Google reader croaked, so be sure to follow SOM on Bloglovin', Feedly, or what ever you use to hear more awesome stories from ladies just like you!  (Wondering how?  Just click the link two sentences above and sign up for a Bloglovin account, or click the happy little button up at the top of this blog!  I just switched over to Bloglovin, myself...it was pretty simple and painless, thank goodness.)  

Also, please show your love and support, by "liking" Swag on momma on Facebook.  (Oh, look at that! There's also a handy little button for that too, up on the side of the blog! :)   ALL are welcome to join the par-TAY!  THANK YOU, FRIENDS!

And, last of all, if you'd like to share a story here, please do!  I'll love you forever! :)   Check out the button (It says, "wanna contribute?") on the side of the blog for details.  I'm excited to hear from you! :)
-Amy

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Talent: Bald Art

-By Amy

Remember the "Talent Tab"?  It is the place where YOU get to showcase talents and projects you're darn proud of!  Cause, let's face it, our kids get lots of attention for their talents, but us adult appreciate some oohing and ahhing too. :)

So, submit a pic and/or description of your talent/accomplishment (amy.the.graham [at] gmail.com) so we can cheer you on..we'd love to see your talents! (Real, serious, ridiculous, and silly talents...we like them all!)  So send em in, friends!

My talent today?  Bald art.

I always thought I would marry a guy with great hair.  I had so much fun styling my brother's and guy friends' hair.

But, my dream guy ended up being bald.  (He started going bald at age 16...seriously, all the guys in his family/extended family are bald.  The genes are so strong!)

And, it's not like I'd let a little hair keep me from the guy I wanted to be with forever!

So, though my husband is bald, that hasn't stopped me from creating many amazing "works of art".  Enjoy!

Oh, and I wouldn't trade Patrick for the hairiest-headed guy in the world.  True dat.

-Amy

"Love"

"The Mountain Trail"

"Christmas"

"Minimalist Stripes"

"Yin and the Yang"

Ps. It's harder than it looks!  He's such a good sport, but he would NEVER keep the designs, so they only lived long enough for a pic.  :)  He bics it now, so no more art.  Ha...oh well.  What do you think of my "art"?  :)

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Thoughts on Birthdays and Kicking the Bucket (along with How I Ruined My Own Birthday Suprise)

By Amy

So, I just turned 27...the gap to 30 is closing fast!  A few days ago, as I contemplated my birthday, I wondered, "What have I done while my body was in its prime?  Did I run a marathon?  Hike the Grand Teton?  Join a dance company?  Swim the English Channel?"

And, the answer is NO.

To all of the above.

"GREAT," I realized disgustedly..."I BLEW it.  There goes my prime!"  With panic mounting, my thoughts raced and became a little loco: "Physically, it's all downhill from here!  A slippery slope ending in a rest home; it's just a matter of time before I my teeth are removable, I'm pushing a walker, and I'm wearing Depends.  My life is basically over, soon I'll be pooping my pants!  I got one foot in the grave, WHAT THE HECK HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE!!???"

After a few minutes of minor freak-out, I forced myself to take a dang chill pill.  

After all, I am STILL in my 20's. 

And, even though I haven't accomplished incredible physical feats, I feel like I've done a lot in my 27 years!  I lived a happy childhood, survived High School (it was actually pretty fun, but small towns have their share of drama...) I graduated with a Bachelor's degree (LOVED college.) visited Japan, Hawaii, Europe, NYC, and Canada, served a year and a half mission for my church, met and married my hottie bald husband, taught Jr High and High Art, and gave birth to possibly the cutest human child on this planet.  (I'm a little biased.  I guess.)  And, MAN, in my opinion, pushing another person out of my body was a pretty incredible physical feat, thank you very much!  So, it's ok that I haven't climbed Everest.

I also have hope for my future, because I know some super active older people.  My soccer coach, a family friend, is a grandpa (possible a great-grandpa...he's like in his 70s) and has white hair.  He was always out there, showing us drills, and kicking the soccer ball down the field!  So cool.  Once I did Pilates with my mission-president's wife, (who is in her 60's, in incredible shape, and she had 10 KIDS!  No joke.) ...and I was DYING; shaking, red in the face, trying to discreetly gasp for air, while she's next to me, doing all these same moves, acting like this is pleasant.  And she's 60+!

So, there's hope!  I've got to work at staying fit, but it can be done!  I guess I'm not going to be cruisin in a wheelchair just yet.

So...back to my birthday.  It was a good time.  A little lesson to you ladies, if you married a guy who isn't big into planning parties, then don't frustrate yourself by dropping (what YOU think are obvious) hints the whole week before...just tell him straight out what you'd like to do on your birthday!  He wants you to have a great birthday, but he can't read your mind.  If you like to be surprised, and you know your husband will deliver (and he isn't in the middle of crazy circumstances which would keep him planning a party) by all means, let him surprise you!  But, when I'm in the position of spouse of the birthday person, I like to know what Patrick wants to do.  After all, it's HIS day!

Here's an example of how you could clearly state what you'd like for your big day: "Hun, I'd like you to take me out to eat at Bajios for my birthday on Friday.  Is 7:00 good for you?"  Easy as that.  If you want a party, tell him!  Or if he has a hard time planning such things or is crazy busy with finals, work, travel, etc, then plan it yourself!  And if you're single, plan your own party, girl!  Your friends love you and want to help you celebrate your day and your life, but lots of people have a hard time knowing what to do or what you'd like.  Invite people to go out to eat or to a movie, or invite friends to your house for games! 

Whether you're married or single, there is no darn point in moping around or sulking on your birthday, cause nobody planned some crazy shindig in your honor.  Instead, YOU make the fun happen!  

Take my birthday for example.  Patrick was on a trip with my Dad and brothers for the 3 days before my birthday, so I took matters into my own hands.  The day before my b-day, I bought some Papa Murphy's Hawaiian pizza (my birthday tradition) and a cheesecake (which we ate with crushed oreos and a delicious strawberry/raspberry topping Patrick made).  I invited some family and friends, (I wish I could have invited more of my friends in the area, but I knew we didn't have enough pizza!) and set up my own small, yet rockin party.  It was awesome!

I didn't want to show my teeth, cause I was sure there was oreos all up in em!

Ok, half of us didn't get the memo that a pic was being taken...

That's better!

I know my husband loves me, I'm just more of a party person than he is, and that's ok!  So I planned it myself.

But, let me tell you how sweet he was for my birthday.

And, then...how I ruined it.  :(

So, for a long time I've wanted black and white Converse All-star sneaks.  I love them.  They remind me of "The Sandlot," skaters, and drummers.  (I have an identity crisis when it comes to clothes.  I'm stuck between three styles: chic young momma, gym rat, and alternative punk high-schooler).

*source: The Sandlot "chucksconnection.com"

These shoes are expensive to buy full-price, so I've been scouring thrift stores.  Payless had some in their own brand, but they were still a little too spendy.  (I'm cheap.)  Anyway, I told Patrick a few months ago that they had black Converse wanna-be's at Payless, but he didn't say much.  I didn't buy them myself, cause they were just for fun--I couldn't justify the purchase.

Well, a few days before my birthday, while cruisin my local thrift store (D.I. Woop Woop!) I saw THE SHOES.  Black and white converse All-Stars, for $5, and they fit PERFECTLY!  BLISS!  So, I snatched them, casting evil looks at shoppers near-by, did an ugly victory dance in the middle of the aisle, (ok, only in my mind) and quickly went to pay.

Back at home, I started getting uneasy, thinking, "Wouldn't that be so ironic if Patrick bought me those shoes at Payless?"  I knew where he hid my present, but I hadn't peeked, cause I wanted to be surprised.  But now... I had to know.  I looked behind his clothes on the floor of his closet...lo and behold, there, in a Payless bag, was a shoe box.  My stomach sunk.  I didn't open it, but still... I knew.  I felt like such a poo; I RUINED my husband's thoughtful gift!

When he got home, I blurted out, "So I may have bad news.  I'm not sure, but I think I messed up my birthday gift."  Then I showed him my D.I. find.  His stared for a minute, then marched to his closet, pulled out the box, and tossed it on the bed.  He said, Happy Birthday.  I have to go to the bathroom."  and walked out of the room.  I wailed through the bathroom door like a wounded beast, "I'm sorry! I"m sorry!"  He came out soon, laughing then glaring at me, and kept alternating between the two.  Haha... 

So, I called Payless, and we can take them back, and I will pick out something else.  Golly, I feel like a dope.  I'm glad Patrick has a sense of humor!

The shoes from D.I.  They're beauties, huh?

Ha...weird pic, my foot looks GINORMOUS!

His second surprise was to get one of my good friends Shanda, who lives 45 minutes away, to ride with my dad and brother to the party without me having any idea!  It would have been SO awesome to see her, but she got sick and was puking the night before.  Poor Patrick, his second surprise didn't pan out either.  Needless to say, I was still very touched by both efforts.  I LOVE that guy.

In the end, we had yummy food, we laughed our heads off, I got some sweet gifts from my family and friends, Hayden was cute...all-in-all, it was a pretty awesome birthday! :)

So, I'm over my freak-out....I'm YOUNG!  Life is good!  And...I'm not going to die any time soon.  I've got a healthy body and I'm determined this year to accomplish some cool things with it, before I have baby numero dos. 

The only thing still worrying me?  I think Alzheimers is setting in.  My mother-in-law took me to the mall to pick out a birthday gift a couple weeks ago (so sweet, huh?) and I picked out a cute sweatshirt from Maurices.  I hid it so I wouldn't be tempted to wear it before my birthday...and I feel like such a doofus, but I CAN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE!   

Oh well...Here's to old age!
 -Amy

Update: I thought I hid it, but I forgot that I asked Patrick to do it!  Of course he knew right where my sweatshirt was.  At least one of us still has a brain.  What would I do without him? :)

P.S. Do you think it's kosher to throw your own birthday party?  Have you ever planned your own?

P.S.S. Have you ever ruined a surprise meant for you?  (It is so sad.)

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