Stuff Your Baby Needs! (And Doesn't Need.)

By Amy

I'm almost 20 weeks...wahoo!  I'm past the exhausted, feel-like-I-got-hit-by-a-truck first tri, and I'm not achey and uncomfortable like the third tri, so I'm in the sweet spot...I feel good!  :)  Plus, I'm looking genuinely preg, not just the awkward bloated look or like I pigged out a little too much last weekend--I look legitimately "with child" and THAT is something to celebrate. :)  Life is good.  I'm getting out, getting stuff done, and I'm happy to be pregnant, with all things baby on my mind.  Which has led me to make many lists.  (ha, I'm obsessed with lists!)  Examples: "What to accomplish before baby #2 comes," "What we need to buy for baby," "What I will do to not end up a depressed, weepy, frustrated basket-case for the first month like I was with my first baby"...ya know, just some general lists. :)  Here's one list I was thinking about:

SO, everybody has opinions on what you need for your baby.  Here are my 2 cents for all those soon-to-be first-time mommas.

1.  Swaddler.
Ya know those little mummy wrap things?  We called Hayden's his straight jacket.  He was in his every time he slept till he was over a year old!!!  He left one arm out after about 8 months, but if he wasn't in that sucker, he'd flail and crawl around.  So, I was grateful for the swaddle to help him feel cozy and secure.  And, having one with velcro is HEAVEN!  You don't have to keep re-swaddling your child through the night when they wiggle out of their blanket and start crying...and duct tape is frowned upon.

So, the pic isn't the most photogenic, but it's the only one I could find of him in his straight jacket!  It's just the free one we were given at the hospital after he was born.

2. Binks.
Um, yes.  If your child will take one, then hallelujah!  I had an infant who cried...and cried...and cried...so, the bink allowed me to keep my sanity.  We had to try several till we found one that he would take. (He loved the MAM brand binks)  And no, you don't have to let them use it till they're 17.  Chill people.  When Hayden was a little over a year, we made the rule "Binker is only for sleep."  And he whined about wanting it for a few days, then got over it.  Now, as soon as he wakes up, he says, "Bye, bye bink." and hands it to me.  (Ok, ok, and he gets it now and then when we're super desperate in church.)

Update: Becca reminded me, and I can't believe I didn't mention: bink straps!  Super helpful.  Seriously.  It' is VERY annoying to go wash the babies bink when it hits the ground and it stinks to lose a bink...do yourself a favor.  Get a strap.  Make sure the strap isn't too long, please, especially if you clip on their bink at night!  That can be a choking hazard.  I made a short little ribbon for one of his binks and superglued the ribbon so it would come undone, then attached it to an old-fashioned diaper pin...they are safe (they don't come undone!) and less bulky than a big clip for sleeping.  When my son hit 10 months, he started putting his own binky back in at night...MIRACLE!!!

3. Bouncer.
Or something like this that keeps baby comfortable and safe so you can get stuff done around the house (or you can put baby in it and set it on the bathroom floor so you can take a desperately needed shower--which is super relaxing while baby screams the entire time...haha!  Who needs shaved legs anyway?)  You can't hold your baby at all times.  Don't do that to yourself.  And for times when you don't want them on a blanket on the floor, (like on the hard bathroom or kitchen floors) a bouncer does the trick.  And the little hanging toys can keep them entertained!

Hmm, now this pic makes me a little nervous...it looks like the bouncer could fall off the edge of the step!  I swear he was safe.

4. Play Saucer thingy.
Life saver for us.  My babe wanted to be standing from like 2 months old!  He loved being in that thing. We'd take it to lots of different rooms in the house and in front of windows, etc.  It was nice when I was cooking or doing dishes.

We used this when he was pretty small--we'd wad up blankets to stick around his torso, so he didn't bob back and forth.

5. Baby Carrier
SOOO nice for walks with an infant.  When it was chilly outside, I'd wear a big sweatshirt over me and the baby!  It doesn't really work to put a tiny, tiny baby in many types of strollers (they get all slumped down) so for my infant, I loved using a simple carrier that I could wear.  Plus, on hikes, carriers come in handy!  Unless you are cool with pushing a stroller up a mountain. :)

See Hayden?  He's on my back! :)

6. Stroller (maybe two!)
I like to keep a cheap little stroller folded up in the trunk of my car...has come in handy many times.  And a nice, bigger stroller with storage under is super useful (for longer strolling at the mall, fair, farmer's market, walk to the park, etc.)  I love that our stroller has a little tray in front, cause we could have lunch at the park, and he had a perfect little spot for me to put all his finger food! :)

All cozy in the big stroller.

7. Bassinet.
I did not want to walk down the hall every time I needed to calm my babe through the night, I wanted him within arm's reach!  After 3 or 4ish months my babe started rolling over, so we moved him into his crib in his own room.  (Too bad he still didn't sleep through the night for a while...darn reflux!  Sometimes I slept on a camping pad on the floor next to his crib.)  But, a bassinet was SURE handy for the first few months!

8. Update: I am adding, slick, plastic kind of bib with a pocket!  (Good point, Becca!)
These are the bomb. (You can see one of my son's in the pic above.)  I just rinse them off in the sink after a meal or two, and I never have to put them in the laundry!  They catch so much crap in the pocket that would end up on his clothes...and once when he started puking in the car, I used one of his bibs to catch the puke!  haha!  We pulled over when he was done, and I opened the door, and poured the puke right out of the pocket...easy peasy, no extra laundry!

9. White noise machine or small fan.
It's soothing for baby and cancels out noise enough that they can nap during the day without anybody else needing to worry about keeping their voices (or the tv/music volume) down.

Ps.  Most of these items we got from garage sales, Craigslist, hand-me-downs from my older sisters, or we borrowed them.

Things you really don't need:

1. Wipe Warmer
Um, why would you want your baby to get used to having warm wipes?  You can't take a wipe warmer and plug it in when you are out and about and gotta change a stinky...so, you use a cold one, and they pitch a fit.  Very unnecessary.  Cold wipes grow character!  They put the hair on baby's chest!

2. Shoes for an infant.
Unless your baby is a prodigy and walking around at two months, there's no need!  Socks, my friend. And while we're talking baby shoes, they don't EVER need expensive shoes.  Ever.  Toddlers either.  (I have gotten all of mine second hand, at a thrift store or a garage sale.)  They wear each pair for like two months, then they're out of them.  Let other people spend $30, then drop off the little Nikes at D.I.....where you'll be waiting.  And you'll pay $3 for barely worn shoes.  Bwahahaha!  Suckers.

3. Church clothes for tiny infants.
Seriously, just leave them in their pjs!  Nobody will think they are inappropriate.  And, half the time, they just stayed swaddled in your arms and in their car seat anyway, so nobody even sees what they are wearing!  Now, be sure to put your foot down when your husband also wants to wear footie pjs to church.  Sorry, hon.

But, Oh my gosh...I can't deny the absolute sweetness of a an older baby all dressed up fancy!  See how he's showin a little leg?  Scandalous.  He's such a tease!

4. Full-sized standing high chair
Now this is just a matter of preference, but we've used this booster seat since Hayden was eating solids (5ish months) and he still uses it!  (He's 2.) When he was smaller, we used the tray (which can be adjusted in and out and taken off completely) but now he just sits in the seat up at the table.  It doesn't take up any more space than a regular chair, cause it attaches to one.  The straps make it adjustable, so we can strap it on any chair...we've even strapped it to a folding camping chair!  Since it folds down and is SUPER portable, we take it on every out-of-town trip, (relatives often don't have a high chair on hand) potlucks, parties, dinners with friends, and even picnics.  (We've even just set it on the ground for him to eat in!)  This little chair has been perfect! :)  Plus, it's nice that there's no fabric to clean...sometimes, we just take it outside and hose it down.  Once, when Hayden puked all over during dinner we just unstrapped the seat from the chair underneath and carried it, baby and all, to the tub.

If you still prefer the full-sized standing chair, this style of a seat would be handy to keep in addition to your regular high chair for trips and outings.  It's also a good gift for grandparents, cause they can fold it down and keep it in a closet to pull out when grandkids come!

Hayden's first birthday!  He's so dang sweet, all serious and focused.  :) 

This is with the tray off...now he just eats right up at the table!  Or lounges at the table.  Ha!

5. Fancy Crib Bedding.
Get several fitted sheets and just swaddle your baby--they'll be safer anyway.  People will most likely give you blankets as gifts, so just use those when baby is a little bigger!  There's no need to spend a fortune on the frilly stuff, especially crib sets that come with puffy quilts that you won't use.  But, ya know, that's just my take on it. :)

Alright, now that I spouted off all of my opinions, what do you think?  Anything you totally disagree with?  Anything I missed?  And, please don't be offended if you LOVE your fancy baby bedding or faithfully warm the wipes...to each his (or her) own!  :)

Also, I'd love your take on the following products: I know many mommas think that swings were life-savers, but Hayden wanted to be bounced up and down---that calmed him--but the swing didn't, so I didn't use the one we were borrowing very much.  Did you love having a swing?

Oh, and I never ended up getting a Bumbo, but I think Hayden would have liked one.

And how about Boppys?  If your read my breast-feeding post, you know that nursing was a bust for me, but I loved using the homemade boppy pillow my mom made me when Hayden started sitting up!  Just plop his little bum down in the middle of it and he could tip over in most directions and not even get hurt!  Awesome.

Have any of you used the bassinet that hooks to the side of your bed?  They look pretty darn nice.  If you did, what did you think?  Like this "Mini Co-sleeper" bassinet?  I love that it keeps baby so close for night-time feedings (I hope that I can nurse my next!) but I wouldn't have to be paranoid about rolling over my baby all night, like I would be if I tried to co-sleep with him IN our bed. (I am a very deep sleeper and a thrasher.)  I'm thinking about trying this co-sleeper with baby numero dos!  But, I'd need to try to get it on sale...a little spendy!

SO friends, at the end of the day, this is what I found worked for my son.  Ever baby has their own preferences, and I'm sure my next babe will probably have a lot of differences from what worked with my first!  SO, figure out what products work for you and your babe...but, remember...you are not required to buy every fancy gadget on the baby market!  :)  Some products can really be lifesavers, and others end up being unnecessary crap that adds to the clutter.

Again, I'd love to hear your input!  What would you add to either list?  And, if you found this helpful, please Share or Pin for other new mommas!  Thanks. :)  If you're new to SOM, Welcome!  Like and Follow to join the party!  I swear, we talk about more around here than baby products. :)

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The Dream of Being a Mother

By DaNae
Introduced by Amy

DaNae is the younger sister of one of my best guy friends from all growing up.  She is easy-going, kind, and so fun to be around.  Even though I'm about 5 years older than her, I always loved hanging out with her at her brother's happenin' parties!  (You can tell I had a pretty hard core group of friends, since younger siblings were allowed to hang out with us while we watched movies and got wasted off of Sprite and M&M's.)  

Today, DaNae is sharing her struggle with infertility, and how she and her husband finally got the little baby they'd been waiting and praying for.  (Yay!)  Infertility has got to be such a lonely and devastating struggle--the hoping, waiting, then dissapointment over and over, while constantly seeing close friends, family members, strangers with little infants or pregnant bellies.  So many couples struggle silently; I'm so honored DaNae offered to open her heart and share her story with us.  
-Amy

---
I have always dreamed of being a mother.  I remember a song I used to listen to when I was a little girl that said, “When I grow up, I want to be a mother, and have a family….”  I have 7 siblings, lots of cousins, and several nieces and nephews, so being a mother was something I looked forward to—I love kids.  But I also always thought in the back of my mind that I would have a challenge getting pregnant.

I got married April 10, 2010, to my best friend, Kevin Barnard.

I had completed one semester of college and so had he, so we decided we wanted to wait a while before trying to get pregnant.  We both felt very strongly that I should finish my college degree and figured that would be more doable without a little baby. Besides, we were both young (18 and 21), so we were not in a big hurry to start having babies—we wanted some time with just the two of us.

We went to school at BYU-Idaho, and it seemed like everyone there had babies!  So, I will admit, I got baby hungry at times.  Kevin and I decided it would be a good idea for me to go to school year-round, so that I could finish my degree faster.

After we had been married for a little over a year, we both felt it was time to go off birth control.  I still had one year left before I would graduate, but we figured that if we got pregnant immediately, we would make it work for those last few months of school with a baby.

I had always had irregular menstrual cycles, and had hopes that birth control may help regulate them.  I went off birth control in July of 2011, and at the end of November, we decided to go to the doctor since I had not yet had a period, and I also was not pregnant.

They did several tests, and came to the conclusion that for some reason, I did not ovulate.  So the Nurse Practitioner put me on Provera, a medicine to start a period, and then on Clomid, a fertility drug to {hopefully} help me ovulate.  I did this for three cycles, and did not ovulate once.  Waiting for those results each cycle seemed like an eternity!  Kevin and I knew we were moving in a couple months, so we decided to take a break from doctors for a bit and we would go to an Infertility Specialist when we moved.

I graduated in July of 2012, and we moved to Idaho Falls that month.  On September 20, we had our first appointment with the Infertility Specialist.  He said we would try Clomid one more time at the highest dose he was willing to give, and he also let us know that there was another fertility drug called Femara that we could also try if the Clomid did not work.  In the meantime, we were to get a Semen Analysis since we had not done so yet.

The same day that I got the results from the doctor that I did not ovulate on the Clomid, we also got the results of the Semen Analysis, and with those results found out that getting pregnant would be even harder than we thought.  The doctor told me that we could try Femara, and if I ovulated, the day of ovulation, we would have to do an IUI (IntraUterine Insemination).  We could try IUI’s three times, and if we did not have any luck, the next step would be In-Vitro Fertilization (which is much more expensive than IUI’s).  I was heartbroken.  But I had my husband by my side to help me through the heartbreak.

And guess what?  The Femara worked!  I ovulated, and had my first IUI in November of 2012, but it did not get me pregnant.  I started to lose hope, but knew that we had two more chances.  I took Femara again, and on December 28, 2012, our little boy was conceived via IUI.

The journey seemed so long, but it was nothing that I couldn’t handle without the love and support of family and friends, and most importantly, my husband.  On September 19, 2013, our healthy little Braxton boy was born.

Because we did not get pregnant right when we went off birth control, we got to do a lot of things we would not have otherwise done.  For one, my sister and brother-in-law took us to Disneyland with them!  I was able to graduate with my social work degree, and get licensed as a Social Worker.  I also got to work for one year in my field of study before our little guy was born.

And just before Braxton was born, Kevin got a job offer that made it so I could stay home with Braxton instead of continuing to work like we had originally planned.  Kevin only had to finish one last semester of school before he graduated when Braxton was born.  The timing could not have been better.

I believe that God had a hand in our journey to conception.  I believe that He knew when the timing would be right, and even though it was hard, we made it through.  And I would not trade Braxton or the wait we had to get him for the world.  I know that everyone who struggles with infertility has a different story, and my heart aches for those who do.  Please know that there is hope!  I have a good friend that has been able to have two children through adoption, and they are the cutest little kids.  And she is no less of a mother because she adopted.

Love, DaNae

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Yay!  Such a sweet little baby boy.  I am so happy for this family...I knew Kevin in high school too...they are both so kind and friendly--they pretty much make an amazing couple.  :)  Thank you, DaNae for sharing your story!

As a blog where we often talk about being moms, being preg, birthing babies, toddler rampages, etc...this may not be the easiest place for a lady who is dealing with infertility and I never want to be insensitive to her struggle.  I tried to clumsily express my feelings about this when I talked about expecting baby number two (when I had an obese, blood-clotted leg to go along with my pregnancy...ha) but, if you don't mind, I hope it's ok if I repeat myself to all you ladies who might be reading DaNae's post with a heavy heart cause you haven't gotten your happy ending yet:

"For those who are struggling with infertility, I hope this post isn't a slap to the face...though it probably is. :(  It is hard not to get super excited and want to blab all about having a baby on the way, but at the same time, I know that to some, it's like salt in a wound.  I've had a few close friends who struggled to be able to start a family, and they told me it is such a bitter hurt to hear that yet another one of your friends got easily pregnant.  I don't know what else to say, but I love you, and I sincerely and completely hope that you get the desire of your heart!  You will make a wonderful mother.  I don't understand why timing isn't always how we want it, especially when we are pleading with God for something that is so good and unselfish, like having a baby to care for and raise.  Don't lose hope!  I know many friends who struggled with infertility, who now are pregnant, have a baby, or even several kids!  And, I know others who have welcomed children into their home through adoption--what a beautiful way for yearning couples to finally receive the children they prayed for, while giving the children the chance for a family where they can be best cared for and loved!  So, there is hope!  Friends, just know that we love you and are praying for you."

We can never know what another is going through till we take time to listen and hear their story.  This also means that no one can understand OUR journey till WE can gather up the courage to share it! That's why I am so passionate about having a place for YOU to share your stories, so we can love and support each other in the bad times, and party together through the good! :) 

Didn't Zac Efron say it best?  "We're all in this together!"  

Um, sorry, was quoting High School Musical taking it too far?  Ha.

I love you swaggin ladies!  And, if you are new here at SOM, Welcome!  Take a look around, like us on Facebook, and/or join this site (both by clicking the happy little buttons on the side of the blog!) so you can hear more real-life stories from amazing ladies, like you! :)  We have a lot of fun around here. :)

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OH BOY...I Have a Toddler.

By Amy

You guys may remember that I had a hard time adjusting to becoming a mom.  (Please tell me you did too!?)  It was so hard when my little reflux baby screamed all the time and nursing was NOT working and he'd wake all though the night, sometimes, up to 15 times.  (I kept tally one night to prove I wasn't just being dramatic every morning when I was a weepy, hammered, overwhelmed mess.)  

It was hard.  I still feel anxious when I look back on that time.

Life is better now!  :)  There have been challenges for every stage, but really, it's been amazing to watch our baby go from a squalling blob to this little human with his own cool personality!  I'm more in love with him every new word, every little dance, and every time he requests, "Song?" then when we're done with that one, and he demands, "Nother!" 

Ahhhh, so freakin cute.  I kiss the little spot behind his ear alllll day.

And yet, the cuteness of this age comes with tantrums.  Lots.  Of.  TANTRUMS.  But, ya know, it's ok.  We do lots of time-outs, and lots of "Let's go calm down in your room." and, "Are you ready to be happy now?" Sometimes he kicks us or slaps our faces, when he's really wound up.  Ha...I had to haul him out of a store, mid-tantrum, kicking and hollering, for the first time last month!  It's getting more real, the parenting side of it.  I feel like we are shaping this little person now, not just feeding him and keeping him alive.  We're trying to teach him kindness and patience and good manners and how we don't launch ourselves off of tables.  I've learned that now, if my son hears me say, "What the crap!?" he has the ability to repeat it.  (Dang, it's so funny, though!)  I'm also learning that I too, need to be better at staying calm when I'm frustrated.  How can I teach my son self-control and productive communication if I holler when I get upset?  It takes a lot of self-control to stay calm, and sometimes I fail, especially when he is out of control crazy.  And screaming "NO!" in my face.  (Deep breath.)  Having a toddler makes me want to throw a tantrum now and then too.  *sigh.... Not cool.  

He kept wanting ice, so we gave him a cup half-full of crushed ice.  Which he tipped up and promptly dumped in his face.  Please forgive me, I laughed super hard.

So he's developing as a person, and we're developing as parents, and....man, I hope we're doing ok.  Do you always wonder?  Or by number 3 or 4 does parenting become routine?  I always ask myself, "Is this the best way to handle this situation?  I have no stinkin idea."  It's funny the kind of emotions parenthood brings.  I'll be kneeling next to my bed at night, thanking Heavenly Father for my son who brings me SO much happiness and joy, and the love in my heart is so strong that it makes me want to cry.  Then, in that SAME prayer, I'm pleading for charity and guidance when I'm at my wit's end and he's throwing the 100th tantrum of the day and I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY; my worry and inadequacy for motherhood wells up so strong that it makes me want to cry.  In other words, being a parent makes me emotionally bi-polar.  Ha!  Like my toddler.

....And, out of all his gifts, his FAVORITE present from Christmas was the Goldfish crackers in his stocking.  Ha, figures. 

I was getting ready in the bathroom, I looked down and he had found some "blocks" to stack!  Hmmmm....creative.

But, I'll take all the worry and tantrums and ruined carpet covered-in-a-half-gallon-of-turquoise-paint for the sweetness of this toddler. 

Love him.  

I think I'm gaining the courage for a second go at this parenthood thing.  Cause it reallly scared me for a while.  But now I feel ready to face my fear of the infant months to gain another sweet little person to love as part of our family!  (Oh, and this is not an announcement... haha.. :)

Moms, I think it's ok to get frustrated and overwhelmed.

We're human, after all, and it doesn't mean that we don't fiercely love our kid.  And it doesn't mean that we aren't good moms--even though we're so dang tough on ourselves sometimes that we convince ourselves we're not.

All we can do is our best, pray for some guidance, TRY to act in love even when they aren't being lovable, and savor those heart-is-gonna-burst moments.  And, at the end of a rough day, let it be, and try again tomorrow.

That's what I'm going to try to do for 2014.

Thanks for reading, friends!  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  :)

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My Journey: Depression

By Kara
Introduced by Amy

Kara is from my hometown, the good ol' town of Shelley, Idaho.  I was friends with her older siblings, as well as her husband's big bro.  When she told me about her experience with depression after having a baby, my heart hurt for her.  Man, after you have a baby your hormones are wiggity-wack...I cried a lot.  But, there is a real difference between baby blues (which I had) and true, full-on, crushing depression.  Kara tells us her story straight from her heart.  During a trial like this, it can be easy to feel alone, but I know that there are many who secretly battle depression.  For Kara, the battle was gut-wrenching, but happily, she was able to find the help that she needed, and the surprising source of her depression! 
-Amy
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Our new little girl, Emery.

About a month after Emery was born I started having some bad days. (This is when my mom started noticing something was wrong).  When Emery was three months old, it really hit me: I was depressed.  One night in particular, I couldn't stop crying and I called my mom to come ASAP.

The next day, Dr. Clark fit me right in to her (very) busy schedule because of the message that I had left her.  Having my husband, Jared, and my mom there meant a lot, because I was such a mess.  My doctor decided that I did need to go on some medicine and suggested I go to Idaho to have more constant support as Jared was in school and gone quite a bit.

I headed to Idaho for the week, spent time with my family there, as well as the close friends and neighbors I had grown up with.  The next week my mom and I headed back to Utah to spend time there so I could be with Jared too.  I was an emotional wreck.  I had good days and bad days, good times of the day and bad times of the day--but I just kept crying and crying.  The medicine I was on made me feel sick and I had no appetite.  I ended up losing 9 pounds in the first 3 days I was on it.

A month before my first appointment.

The majority of the time I hated life and I disliked being a mom.  I wanted to go back to how things "used to be."  After some time in Utah, my mom and I headed back to Idaho; we decided it would be best because Jared was busy with school and I needed more support than I was getting in Utah.  I needed to be around people constantly and to be busy-- I couldn’t handle any “down time” or I would hit rock bottom.

After a rough weekend of “being brave” and going back to Utah, I went back to Dr. Clark.  She decided that I needed to add another medicine to what I was already taking because my case of "postpartum depression" was pretty severe.  That afternoon I headed back to Idaho with my mom.  It was so hard to be away from Jared but we skyped, texted, talked on the phone, and constantly communicated in any way we could.  I kept myself busy by staying with people and setting up my own “babysitters.”  I especially spent a lot of time with my sister; she was a huge strength and support through these months.  I started to have some good days--days when I felt normal during parts of them.  Jared and my mom commented that they saw the old me again and were happy about it.  He came for the weekend, and when it was time for him to leave I was a mess again--I cried and cried.  We went to friends' house and talked to them and received support, and I was able to pull myself together for Jared to head home.

Monday was an okay day, I was a mess in the morning, but pulled myself together by the afternoon. Tuesday I went to Amber’s house and shortly after arriving, it hit and I was terribly depressed.  I tried to keep busy, I did her dishes, I helped her clean, but nothing was working.  Thoughts of hurting myself entered my head and I texted my mom in panic.  I knew these thoughts were dumb, and had no idea where they came from, but I was ready to quit playing this game, I didn't know how to get the thoughts to go away.  Eight weeks was a long time to feel this way and I was sick of it, I knew that I wouldn't ever do anything, but I was scared.  I needed help, real help.  I was finally open to going to a counselor, something that many had suggested but I wasn't open to.  But, at this point, I just wanted any kind of help that I could get to make things better.

My mom came and picked me up and took me to the P.A. I had seen before I got married.  We talked about how I was feeling, the medicines I was on (vitamins, essential oils, the meds for depression, the med I was on to help increase my milk supply, etc.).  She told us she would be right back and left for a minute.  She came back with her phone and started explaining that the medicine I was on to increase my milk supply (Reglan) had side effects of severe depression and anxiety and suggested that I go off of it immediately.  She told us that she wouldn’t even prescribe it because of all off the terrible side effects it can have.  I was on a double dose 4x a day and had been on it since about a month after Emery was born.  My mom and I started thinking back and the timelines matched up perfectly.  She started noticing changes in me about the time I went on it, and when it was doubled was about the time things got really bad and I went in to the doctor for the first time.

I went to bed with hope that night of things changing.  There seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel.  The next day I started feeling better.  I spent the day with my dad running errands.  Thursday I woke up after sleeping in and felt pretty good.  I spent the next four hours with just Emery and didn't have an anxiety attack.  I did it.

I am so thankful for a doctor that figured out what was going on.  I really didn't have postpartum depression but had been suffering from a medically induced depression.  We have since found out that the med I was on is only supposed to be used for a minimal amounts of time and is suggested for Chemo patients who are having stomach problems.

Right about the time that I realized what was going on.

We were away from Jared for Emery's first Halloween because of the amount of support I constantly needed.

"Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals" -(Home Alone).  It was so good to be "normal" again at Christmas and to get to enjoy our little family TOGETHER.

My family today!

My journey was a rough one; one that I am still finishing as I adjust back to being "normal" again.  It is a trial that I needed to go through...It tried my patience, strength, and hope.  It made me rely on my Heavenly Father, family and friends more than I ever have.  It is something I never want to deal with again, nor want anyone to have to deal with.

Depression is rough; it is hard; it is real.

A year has passed since that first doctor's visit and life is fabulous.  We’re living our state of “normal” and loving every minute.  Emery continues to be a joy in our lives and teaches us new things constantly.  Life couldn’t be better!
-Kara

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Thank you Kara for your courage in sharing your story!  I was so inspired by her faith, as well as the love her husband, family, and friends showed her; they were such an incredible support system.  

How about you, friends?  Have you experienced depression?  What did those around you do that eased your burden?  We'd love to hear. :)
 -Amy

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Young

By Amber
Introduced by Amy 

Amber and I were acquaintances in high school, then became good friends when we sang by each other in choir. (WOO WOO, altos!)  Amber was so cool: she was beautiful, friendly, kind, a dang good singer, and...really she was just more mature than most of us.  Not in a boring way--no, she just didn't get caught up in stupid high school drama.  I really liked that about her.  When I found out that she is the oldest in her family her maturity made sense; she probably helped in her home a lot growing up.  When I heard that Amber got married, I was like, "Dang!" cause I still felt young and SHE was in the grade below me!  But, I knew, if anyone could be a wife and mom at our age, Amber could. 

I saw her later when a few friends and I got together to preform a song in church back in our hometown; she was just as cool, fun, and pretty as ever--she was just a mom now too! 

I really appreciate Amber bravely opening up and telling her story, especially when many in society look down on those who marry young.  But as Amber said, you got to do what feels right no matter what others think!  She's still wise beyond her years.
-Amy

20 years young.  That’s how old I was when my husband and I decided to start our family.

I was even younger when we got married.  18 years and 6 months young to be exact.  What’s even more crazy, is that I didn’t think I was ‘that young’ at the time.  You hear people say all the time that when you fall in love, you just know.  I had no idea what they really meant, but after being on ONE date with my husband, a mere week after high school graduation, I knew I had caught the love bug.  We were married 6 months after our first date.

I could tell that a lot of people were stand-offish about me getting married at my age, but I didn’t even care.

Some friends could only say, 'Wow. You’re getting married?'  I would just smile and exclaim, 'YES! I’m SO excited!'

And I was.  I had never been happier.

Fast forward a year and a half, just a little after my 20th birthday.

One day after I got home from work, I decided to pee on yet another one of those silly sticks (I had gone through many in the 3-4 months prior), and my heart stopped.  And then it started racing at 100 miles per hour.  It was positive!  Was I seeing things?  No, it really was there!  We were pregnant!  I couldn’t contain my excitement and called my hubs right away.  The first thing he said was, "Are you sure? Try not to get too excited, okay?"

Don’t get excited? Ya right. Being a mom was the only thing I had ever wanted to be, and now it was happening.  Fast forward again to 4 weeks later. (I swear… those weeks you have to wait until you go to your first prenatal checkup are killer!)  My poor hubby had gotten a stomach bug and said he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to make it to the appointment.  Honestly, I was a little disappointed.

Luckily, my awesome mom was able to get off work early and come with me.  I was so nervous with butterflies that I couldn’t even think straight.  At that time, my doctor’s office was in the hospital, and well, I got lost.  So lost, that they had to send a nurse out to find me.  Haha.  Seriously, I was a mess!

Well, we finally got back and it was time for the ultrasound.  I actually remember not wanting to look at the screen thinking I would jinx myself or something.  Then then I heard it.  It was a sweet, beautiful, perfect sound.  I looked over and there ‘it’ was.  My baby.  Our baby.  All I could do was smile because I think if I had actually tried to say anything, I would have started blubbering uncontrollably.

The following months rushed by and soon we were getting ready to meet our baby boy a week before his due date.  I had went in for a regular checkup, and after running some tests, my doctor throws the door open and says, "We need to induce you now. Which hospital did you want to deliver at so we can tell them you are on your way?" After 24 hours of labor and a long horrible hour of hard pushing, we was finally here!

I remember the pure joy I felt when my doctor placed him on my belly.  I wanted to kiss him and hold him and never let him go.  The pure happiness and joy that I felt when I had got married had multiplied by a million.

Although I was ‘young’ according to the outside worlds’ standards, I never felt too young or overwhelmed by having to grow up so fast.  I’m not trying to say that I was supermom and say that I never got tired or never cried, but I truly felt that being a mom was what I was meant to do.  That’s what kept me going through all of the continuous feedings and endless crying, and I wouldn’t change any of it for all of the riches in the world.

Our little guy is now 5 years old and now has a 2 year old sister, so I’m definitely not ‘young’ anymore.

People still get a shocked look on their face when we tell them how young we were when we got married and started having kids, but when you know it’s right for YOU, just go with it.

Everyone is different.  For others it may not be right to marry young--that's ok too!

My philosophy: don’t let others get you down for your decisions, and don’t judge others for theirs. :)
 - Amber

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Thanks, Amber!  Isn't she cool?  I am amazed by how she does what she feels is right, and doesn't let the criticizers sway her.  She amazes me too, cause I was needed a lot more time than her to grow up before I was ready to get married!  I still felt young and unprepared when I had a baby, and I had 6 years on her! :)  But, that's probably every first-time mom, regardless of age.  Things are much better now, but, oh, that first night home from the hospital...YIKES. That was a cold dose of reality for me!  Ha!

How about you?  How old were you when you got married or started a family?  Did others question your choice if you were young?  If you were older, did you get pressure from others, for NOT being married?  We'd love to hear from you. :)

PS. Google reader croaked, so be sure to follow SOM on Bloglovin', Feedly, or what ever you use to hear more awesome stories from ladies just like you!  (Wondering how?  Just click the link two sentences above and sign up for a Bloglovin account, or click the happy little button up at the top of this blog!  I just switched over to Bloglovin, myself...it was pretty simple and painless, thank goodness.)  

Also, please show your love and support, by "liking" Swag on momma on Facebook.  (Oh, look at that! There's also a handy little button for that too, up on the side of the blog! :)   ALL are welcome to join the par-TAY!  THANK YOU, FRIENDS!

And, last of all, if you'd like to share a story here, please do!  I'll love you forever! :)   Check out the button (It says, "wanna contribute?") on the side of the blog for details.  I'm excited to hear from you! :)
-Amy

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I'm Famous!

Ha...Well, maybe not...let's just say the Paparazzi aren't hounding me quite yet.

BUT, I am so freakin excited to announce that I've been featured on the HerStories Project!  (Woo woot! Happy dance, high five...)  This is such an honor for me to be included in this great project and community of women. 

In my post, I share my story of becoming a first-time momma, including the huge support that my  friends and family were to me.  This post mean so much to me...I was crying while I wrote it, I edited one MILLION times to get it down to 1,000 words, and even Patrick gave me an edit. (He's good at chopping down my wordiness....brevity is not my forte.)

I hope my story can help other new mommas, soon-to-be mommas, and way-in-the-future mommas to get a realistic, but hopeful idea of what becoming a mother is truly like.  And other mommas who are way beyond their first child, can have a good chuckle reading of my craziness when I first joined their ranks.

You'll make my day if you go check it out!  "My First Year as a Mom".
Thanks, friends! :)

-Amy

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The Elusive Art of Making Mommy Friends (or any friends!)

By Amy
 
Ladies, we need friends.  We love our husbands/boyfriends, but we still need time with girls.  However, this is not always easy.  We gotta have strategies, ya know?  A gameplan.  Or at least an idea or two!

SO...First of all, have you read Tracy's "Make Some Friends" post?  I highly recommend it, cause I love, love, LOVE Tracy's ideas.  (She's super cool, folks.)

I want to share a couple ideas of my own.  They are a bit more basic, like "How the heck do I start a conversation?"  Cause...I think I forgot how after I had a baby.  Seriously!  For the first couple weeks after he was born, I was a recluse.  Once I decided I'd had enough of being a spit-up covered hermit, I emerged from my hole, feeling extremely awkward after not being around adults for a while.  I wondered, "Where the crap did my social skills run off to?"  All I could talk about were my nursing woes and how freaking tired I was.  REAL fun conversation for any sorry person I was talking to! Ha!

I think everybody has their timid moments when it's scary to meet people and make friends.  The first couple days in a new job, moving to a new town... and there are those days when you just don't feel very confident.  These moments often produce "the Shys" even in outgoing people.  I've never really considered myself shy, (Since kindergarten, I was always in trouble for talking...I even got yelled at in the middle of a college lecture class!  Freakin embarrassing.)  But still... I get nervous. I fret, "What if they don't like me?" It can be hard.

Don't settle for stuffed animals...YOU can make REAL, human friends!  I believe in you! *source: pulseandsignal.com

Growing up, I always lived in the same small town, so I already knew everybody and had many friends.  Then, college was a social HAYDAY cause there were so many people to meet...roommates, friends of roommates, roommates of friends, roommates of siblings (I always seemed to have a crush on at least one of my brother's roommates...haha!) people in my classes and people who shared my major, co-workers, girls in my apartment building, etc. 

But that was then, this is now.  And, for whatever reason, it isn't as easy to find new chums as it used to be.  And, this weird friend-making difficulty isn't exclusive to new moms or even moms...it can be intimidating when you're single, too!  Then, when you get married it becomes tricky to find couple friends: you have to find TWO people that you both like (or at least can stand).  We met a lot of couples that we both liked, but to find a couple you both love?  That's tricky...having 4 people end up as kindred spirits is rare.  (We have several couples like that, and we cherish them and try to stay in touch!) 

As I've gotten used to being married, then being a mom, it's gotten a bit easier to make friends.  But, I still have aome pretty awkward moments.  It happens to us all, ladies.  You know what I'm talking about, when you think, "Oh. This is not going well."  It's like treading water, trying not to sink down in the awkwardness.  Let me tell you, I am not always smooth!  Nope.  But, I keep trying!

It happens to the best of us.

So here's what I've learned about making mommy friends, or any friends.  Some of these are realllly basic, but, man, sometimes the basics can be hard.

1. Be PROACTIVE!  Don't wait for people to come to you!

Say you're at the library for story time, sitting in the lobby at the pediatrician's office, or at a church activity.  Everyone's sitting there thinking, "Ugh, nobody's talked to me.  These people are SO unfriendly."  Um, Hello!?  What is stopping YOU?  Start the conversation!  If everyone in the room is feeling shy and waiting for someone to approach them and nobody is doing the approaching...you get an awkwardly silent group of lonely people. 

So you take the first step, even if you're scared.  Start small.  Talk to the person sitting next to you.  And, I know it's fun to sit next to someone already know, but try sitting next to someone you don't!  Make a goal to talk to one new person every time you go to an activity.  You will meet amazing people!  Oh, and having a baby=instant ice breaker.  I love it.  I walk down the aisle at the grocery store and he waves at everyone.  Suddenly strangers are smiling and talking to me!  I've become popular by association!  Mommas, USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.  He can be the brave one, you just follow up!  Don't chicken out.  Being friendly will only make you happier and the other person feel noticed.  WIN WIN! 

And a word to the SAHMS, like me: If you're a stay at home mom, you GOTTA be proactive!  Cause you don't have co-workers or classmates anymore.  Actively look for friends: neighbors, ladies at church, in an exercise class or at story time, at the park, other parents at school, parents of your kids' friends...You gotta go get 'em!  Ha...Not in a nab-them-in-a-big-white-van creepy way, I just mean take the first step.  Don't wait for others!

*source: bgdailynews.com

And, by all means, when you get invited by someone else to something, say YES!  Go, even if you're nervous!  I was invited by a neighbor to a backyard dutch-oven dinner soon after we moved in to our current house, and at that dinner, Patrick and I met some awesome families!  I was invited to the ladies' book club, and it is amazing.  We only meet every six weeks, but we go to a local resurant, laugh our heads off, tell ridiculous stories about psycho co-workers and our crazy kids, enjoy yummy eats, ...oh, and discuss books! :)  I love these ladies.  Some have one kid, some 4, one lady is a grandma, but we care so much about each other, and support each other through everything.  Thank goodness Amber invited me and thanks goodness I didn't chicken out!

L-R Tamara, Kira, Alicia, Amber, Kim, me, Julie...we were missing a few ladies that night; we love you too!

2. Game plan for great conversation: SAY SOMETHING!  Ha, ok, that's not all: THEN ASK QUESTIONS, LISTEN, REPLY.

Start with a plan of attack.  What can you say?  What question can you ask? 

I love this line, "I don't think I've met you yet.  I'm Amy."  Bingo.  So simple.  And it works.  They always introduce themselves after that!  You don't always have to have so great intro line or clever observation to bring up.  Then follow up with a continuer question: "Have you guys lived in this area long?" or "Have you been to his class before?" etc.  If they're totin a baby, you could ask the classic, "How old is your baby?"  Cliche?  Sure.  But everyone feels comfortable starting out with the familar.  Just get it started, then when you listen to their answer, you'll have something to respond to!  Asking questions is great cause it gets THEM talking.  You want them to know you're interested in what THEY have to say.  Don't open your mouth and start talking all about yourself!  The goal is a converstion, not a monologue!

And, if you don't really "click" it's ok!  It's always good to be friendly, but not everyone will end up as your bosom friend.

You will encounter the moment when you find out that the person you're talking to is into something you have NO clue about.  "Oh yeah, I'm a cartographer"..and your mind is blank.  Shoot, just ask!  "Wow, I don't even know what that word means!  What do you do?" then "How did you get in to that?"  It's fun to hear people's stories, and you'll feel closer afterwards.  The cool thing?  Most people reciprocate questions, so VOILA!  Conversation! :)

The only place I would hesitate to start a conversation is in the bathroom.  No talking between stalls, unless you are VERY good friends.  Oh, and, the mother's room...If I walk in and a mom is nursing, I briefly give a little smile, then go about changing my son's diaper.  Some might feel awkward meeting for the first time with their shirt down, so I'd say let them decide if they want to strike up conversation.  Actually, I've met some really cool ladies' in my church's mother's lounge.  It's a place where your first conversation with someone will probably include boobs or nipples.  Weird--but strangely bonding.

3. Make others feel comfortable and appreciated. 

Put others at ease and smile!  We all love people who are "easy to talk to."  Show that you're interested in what they're saying.  Compliments are always a good icebreaker:  "I love your haircut!" or "Your flats are so cute!"  As you become better friends, observe their good qualities so you can give more meaningful compliments, and don't feel cheesy, just tell them!  My Shandee is SO good at this.  She called me the other day just to tell me how much I mean to her and how proud she is of me.  Isn't that cool? 

Another way to help someone feel comfortable is to match their demeanor.  Do they talk slowly or quietly?  Are they a bit more timid?  Don't get all "HEY GIRLFRIEND!"-crazy on a person like that, they will run!  And personal space.  That's a big one for me.  Even though I am social, I feel SO uncomfortable when somebody's up in my grill.  I can't even concentrate on the conversation, my brain is no longer functioning...I'm just panicking, "OH my gosh.  They're so close.  I bet they can see every pore.  Can they smell my breath?  Is it bad?"  I keep backing up and they keep stepping forward.  It's like some kind of horrible dance!  I can only think at that point, "RETREAT! RETREAT!"

Haha...ok, I'm crazy.  Just don't stand so super close directly in front of someone when you talk, ok?  (Wouldn't it be nice if we could handle these situations like my toddler son does?  If someone is too close, he just palms their face and pushes them away...I'll try that one next time.)

And, please...don't try to shake another lady's hand when you meet unless it's a business meeting or she's interviewing you for a job.  Thank you.

4. Don't limit yourself or pre-judge other ladies, cause pretty often, you'll be wrong. 

First of all, it's really fun to make friends who are in similar life stage.  (It helps if your kids are the same age, cause it's easier to hang out!)  But, don't limit yourself!  Older ladies are experienced and cool!  Single ladies are fun and can tell hilarious blind date stories!  Seriously, a kindred spirit may be someone you didn't expect.  Try reaching out to people who are different than you!

Example: I saw my neighbor out several times smoking on her front porch.  Now, I don't smoke, but just because two people have differences in lifestyle choices, doesn't mean they can't be friends! (Obviously, within reason...if the college students next-door are always sending off wafts of pot smoke in your direction, you don't need to invite them to your son's birthday party.)  As for my neighbor across the street, she is SO nice and cool!  I found out that she is new to the area too!  I ended up talking to her for a while, and we've talked a few other times.  She is sweet and friendly, and has a baby close to Hayden's age.  I'm excited to keep getting to know her.  Could be a kindred spirit in the making! :)

Also, beware of the high school phenomenon: when we expect someone to like us or dislike us, based on what group they would have been in during high school.  LAME.  That is SO yesterday.  (Wise words from that Lizzie McGuire girl.)  I do this a lot.  If some girl has awesome clothes and looks super trendy, I think, "Um no, she's too fancy to want to hang out with me."  Ha, what the heck?  Or even worse, "She looks snobby."

So basically, I assume she's judging me.  But who's really the one judging?  ME.

If someone isn't outgoing-ly friendly, I have often judged her as snobby when really, she was just shy!  Two different times, girls I saw at church and thought, "Oh she looks way fancy.  She's probably not very friendly." have become my closest friends in the ward. (mormon word for a local congregation)  Judging is so stupid.  Why do I do it?

Now and then I run into people from high school.  I've notice that even if they were "more popular" or "less popular" in high school, becoming adults is a great equalizer.  Most people grow up and move on with life.  Some girls who were quiet and unnoticed in high school, are freakin gorgeous.  And, lots of nerds become rich.  There are so many people we probably wouldn't have been friends with in high school who are super cool and would make great friends!  We all need to let go of high school attitudes--I fall into it too.  Like I said before, I tend to get intimated.  I was not part of the small, elite athletic crowd (which, by the way, many of those kids were actually very nice).  Anyway, I still have this complex that certain people are cooler than me and I'm scared to talk to them.  Usually, it's because of their clothes. 

And that is STU-PED.

My friend (we'll call her Sally) recently saw a girl who she really wasn't friends with in high school.  This girl was in the popular, jock crowd (sports are everything in a small town)...plus, Sally had some drama with this girl's cousin back in high school.  So, Sally didn't approach her, thinking that the other girl wouldn't care to talk to her.  Then that girl walked right up to Sally, asking how she was doing and how old her little girl was, all friendly and sincere!  My friend was blown away and admittedly ashamed that the one who she assumed would be "snobby" was the one who approached her.

So, if you're intimidated by a lady, give her a chance.  She probably is super cool!  But, even if she turns out to be ...um, not very nice after all...oh well, at least you tried! :)

Which leads me to the next tip...

5. Please, NO high school meanness!  

No thinking others are beneath you or above you.  Either way sucks.  We're adults, and we are all equal!  Everyone has worth.  Don't get caught up on judging based on things like clothes, money, looks.  These NEVER show a person's worth.

I like the saying, "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."  So be inclusive, not exclusive.  It's a good thing to have a group of friends, but it's not good if you ONLY associate with them and won't talk with anyone else.  That is cliquey and SO high school.  Get to know lots of people...It doesn't mean you have to be everyone's best friend.  But, the more friends, the better!

Also, include new people.  Reach out to those who are quirky.  Seriously, it sucks to feel lonely or left out.  We've all been there, right?  I never want to be the one who excludes others.  (I love Stephanie's thoughts on this...)

6. Don't try to keep the old idea of girlfriends. 

Sleepovers, movie nights, seeing each other every day, hang out in each others bedrooms...haha...it doesn't quite work like that anymore.  Girl friendships are different when you're older.  We are busy adults with families and we don't see our friends as often, but it's ok!  A great friendship can thrive on hanging out/talking a couple times a week or even a month.

7. Keep old friends, but always make new ones.

It's so nice when you've been in a area for a while and you have friends and feel comfortable.  Then you move and have to start over.  But, everywhere you go, there are amazing people to meet!  You can keep your old friends--just add more.  Always cherish your bosom friends--your kindred spirits.  (The ones that you could talk to about anything--you just "get" each other.)  It can be hard to stay in touch with them when you're moving around a lot, but it's worth it.  (I love Facebook for that!) 

It's so fun to keep friends from different stages of your life.  Childhood, high school, college, etc.  Some of my old friends are now moms--we swap blow-out stories and laugh about every crazy mommy trait.  It's fun to hang out with my married-with-no-kids friends and single friends, too.

So once you meet someone you click with, and you've become acquaintances, time for the next step (man, this is sounding like dating! Ha!)  Plan something!  Try a low-pressure activity: go for a walk to the park or invite them over for the kids to run through the sprinklers.  Meet at the library for story time, check out a new store, go walking at the mall with the old people when it's too cold to walk outside. (um, in Idaho that's October to May.)

When at the park with your mom friends, be sure to wear coordinating outfits and burst into spontaneous yoga. *source: kristinmcgee.com

Ha...And this is what a park hangout REALLY looks like.  Notice the kid cling-ons.  Then the mom on the left is like, "Oh crap, where did my kid go!?"  Ha...I'm that mom. *source: unknown

Then you're ready to go for a bigger step: a playdate or have their family over for dinner.  For those of us that stress about dinner (I am a really crappy cook) just make a desert (or buy oreos! Ha!)  I'm excited for summer so that we can barbecue outside since it's pretty hard to mess up hotdogs.

So, at this point, you have a good Mommy Friend!  Wooo!  It's so cool to get to the point where you're comfortable. 

My mommy friend, Kim, and I just discussed our affection for each other last night at Book Club.  I feel like our relationship has moved to the next level.  Ha!  She's even met some of my family!  Too bad she's moving to freaking Canada.  (It's ok Kim, we'll never break up as mommy friends as long as there's facebook.) 

In closing...YOU CAN DO IT!  You gotta get outside of your comfort level.

Playdate with Katelyn and Peter!  Yeah...babies don't really play well together--at this age, the playdate is more for moms.

So typical...my son's getting whomped and I look oblivious!  Ha, Peter is 4 months younger than my son, too!

I believe in your friend, YOU can do it!

Introverts can learn to be openly friendly.  And extroverts can learn to close their mouths and listen.  (Ha, I can say that cause I am one.)

My dad is a great example.  He was really shy growing up.  I can barely believe that, cause we were always the last ones out of church, he'd be chatting with anyone and everyone.  Seriously, you could go home, make a sandwich and drive back to pick him up and he's still shootin the breeze. When I was younger, I was annoyed.  But now, I aprpeciate it!  He was making sure everyone felt noticed and wanted.  Good man.

My new goal?  I am going to brave-up and set-up some play dates!  I always fear it feel like an awkward first date...Ohhhh how I dreaded those.  In the next couple months I will report on my play-date progress.

Ok, well, those are my tips and tricks for mommy friend bliss! 
Let's see if I can take my own advice.  :)  
-Amy

If you liked this post, share it with your friends! 

Ps.  I'd love to hear about your mommy-friends endeavors!  What other tips do you have?  Which of my tips spoke to you?  Any you disagree with? 

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