You guys may remember that I had a hard time adjusting to becoming a mom. (Please tell me you did too!?) It was so hard when my little reflux baby screamed all the time and nursing was NOT working and he'd wake all though the night, sometimes, up to 15 times. (I kept tally one night to prove I wasn't just being dramatic every morning when I was a weepy, hammered, overwhelmed mess.)
It was hard. I still feel anxious when I look back on that time.
Life is better now! :) There have been challenges for every stage, but really, it's been amazing to watch our baby go from a squalling blob to this little human with his own cool personality! I'm more in love with him every new word, every little dance, and every time he requests, "Song?" then when we're done with that one, and he demands, "Nother!"
Ahhhh, so freakin cute. I kiss the little spot behind his ear alllll day.
And yet, the cuteness of this age comes with tantrums. Lots. Of. TANTRUMS. But, ya know, it's ok. We do lots of time-outs, and lots of "Let's go calm down in your room." and, "Are you ready to be happy now?" Sometimes he kicks us or slaps our faces, when he's really wound up. Ha...I had to haul him out of a store, mid-tantrum, kicking and hollering, for the first time last month! It's getting more real, the parenting side of it. I feel like we are shaping this little person now, not just feeding him and keeping him alive. We're trying to teach him kindness and patience and good manners and how we don't launch ourselves off of tables. I've learned that now, if my son hears me say, "What the crap!?" he has the ability to repeat it. (Dang, it's so funny, though!) I'm also learning that I too, need to be better at staying calm when I'm frustrated. How can I teach my son self-control and productive communication if I holler when I get upset? It takes a lot of self-control to stay calm, and sometimes I fail, especially when he is out of control crazy. And screaming "NO!" in my face. (Deep breath.) Having a toddler makes me want to throw a tantrum now and then too. *sigh.... Not cool.
|He kept wanting ice, so we gave him a cup half-full of crushed ice. Which he tipped up and promptly dumped in his face. Please forgive me, I laughed super hard.|
So he's developing as a person, and we're developing as parents, and....man, I hope we're doing ok. Do you always wonder? Or by number 3 or 4 does parenting become routine? I always ask myself, "Is this the best way to handle this situation? I have no stinkin idea." It's funny the kind of emotions parenthood brings. I'll be kneeling next to my bed at night, thanking Heavenly Father for my son who brings me SO much happiness and joy, and the love in my heart is so strong that it makes me want to cry. Then, in that SAME prayer, I'm pleading for charity and guidance when I'm at my wit's end and he's throwing the 100th tantrum of the day and I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY; my worry and inadequacy for motherhood wells up so strong that it makes me want to cry. In other words, being a parent makes me emotionally bi-polar. Ha! Like my toddler.
|....And, out of all his gifts, his FAVORITE present from Christmas was the Goldfish crackers in his stocking. Ha, figures.|
|I was getting ready in the bathroom, I looked down and he had found some "blocks" to stack! Hmmmm....creative.|
But, I'll take all the worry and tantrums and ruined carpet covered-in-a-half-gallon-of-turquoise-paint for the sweetness of this toddler.
Moms, I think it's ok to get frustrated and overwhelmed.
We're human, after all, and it doesn't mean that we don't fiercely love our kid. And it doesn't mean that we aren't good moms--even though we're so dang tough on ourselves sometimes that we convince ourselves we're not.
All we can do is our best, pray for some guidance, TRY to act in love even when they aren't being lovable, and savor those heart-is-gonna-burst moments. And, at the end of a rough day, let it be, and try again tomorrow.
That's what I'm going to try to do for 2014.
Thanks for reading, friends! I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)