OH BOY...I Have a Toddler.

By Amy

You guys may remember that I had a hard time adjusting to becoming a mom.  (Please tell me you did too!?)  It was so hard when my little reflux baby screamed all the time and nursing was NOT working and he'd wake all though the night, sometimes, up to 15 times.  (I kept tally one night to prove I wasn't just being dramatic every morning when I was a weepy, hammered, overwhelmed mess.)  

It was hard.  I still feel anxious when I look back on that time.

Life is better now!  :)  There have been challenges for every stage, but really, it's been amazing to watch our baby go from a squalling blob to this little human with his own cool personality!  I'm more in love with him every new word, every little dance, and every time he requests, "Song?" then when we're done with that one, and he demands, "Nother!" 

Ahhhh, so freakin cute.  I kiss the little spot behind his ear alllll day.

And yet, the cuteness of this age comes with tantrums.  Lots.  Of.  TANTRUMS.  But, ya know, it's ok.  We do lots of time-outs, and lots of "Let's go calm down in your room." and, "Are you ready to be happy now?" Sometimes he kicks us or slaps our faces, when he's really wound up.  Ha...I had to haul him out of a store, mid-tantrum, kicking and hollering, for the first time last month!  It's getting more real, the parenting side of it.  I feel like we are shaping this little person now, not just feeding him and keeping him alive.  We're trying to teach him kindness and patience and good manners and how we don't launch ourselves off of tables.  I've learned that now, if my son hears me say, "What the crap!?" he has the ability to repeat it.  (Dang, it's so funny, though!)  I'm also learning that I too, need to be better at staying calm when I'm frustrated.  How can I teach my son self-control and productive communication if I holler when I get upset?  It takes a lot of self-control to stay calm, and sometimes I fail, especially when he is out of control crazy.  And screaming "NO!" in my face.  (Deep breath.)  Having a toddler makes me want to throw a tantrum now and then too.  *sigh.... Not cool.  

He kept wanting ice, so we gave him a cup half-full of crushed ice.  Which he tipped up and promptly dumped in his face.  Please forgive me, I laughed super hard.

So he's developing as a person, and we're developing as parents, and....man, I hope we're doing ok.  Do you always wonder?  Or by number 3 or 4 does parenting become routine?  I always ask myself, "Is this the best way to handle this situation?  I have no stinkin idea."  It's funny the kind of emotions parenthood brings.  I'll be kneeling next to my bed at night, thanking Heavenly Father for my son who brings me SO much happiness and joy, and the love in my heart is so strong that it makes me want to cry.  Then, in that SAME prayer, I'm pleading for charity and guidance when I'm at my wit's end and he's throwing the 100th tantrum of the day and I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY; my worry and inadequacy for motherhood wells up so strong that it makes me want to cry.  In other words, being a parent makes me emotionally bi-polar.  Ha!  Like my toddler.

....And, out of all his gifts, his FAVORITE present from Christmas was the Goldfish crackers in his stocking.  Ha, figures. 

I was getting ready in the bathroom, I looked down and he had found some "blocks" to stack!  Hmmmm....creative.

But, I'll take all the worry and tantrums and ruined carpet covered-in-a-half-gallon-of-turquoise-paint for the sweetness of this toddler. 

Love him.  

I think I'm gaining the courage for a second go at this parenthood thing.  Cause it reallly scared me for a while.  But now I feel ready to face my fear of the infant months to gain another sweet little person to love as part of our family!  (Oh, and this is not an announcement... haha.. :)

Moms, I think it's ok to get frustrated and overwhelmed.

We're human, after all, and it doesn't mean that we don't fiercely love our kid.  And it doesn't mean that we aren't good moms--even though we're so dang tough on ourselves sometimes that we convince ourselves we're not.

All we can do is our best, pray for some guidance, TRY to act in love even when they aren't being lovable, and savor those heart-is-gonna-burst moments.  And, at the end of a rough day, let it be, and try again tomorrow.

That's what I'm going to try to do for 2014.

Thanks for reading, friends!  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  :)

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The Ups and Downs of Raising Teens

By Lynette
Introduced by Amy

Well friends, the holidays are behind us, and it's back to normal, everyday life.  I love partying at Christmas time, but there's something soothing about the daily routine.  (Ha...I sound 70 years old.)  Plus, with a wild toddler, "normal" is not the same as "predictable" or "calm"...ha!  No way.  It's a tantrum-fest around here.  But, life is good and I'm pretty pumped for 2014...it's gonna be a good year.  :)  I can feel it in my bones!  

For this guest post, I am so honored to have an experienced momma, Lynette, share her thoughts on parenting teens.  She has 2 teens...along with 4 younger kiddios!!!!  I was so happy she agreed to share some of her ideas and tips--I mean, with 6 kids, this lady knows a thing or two!  Lynette and her husband are neighbors to my in-laws and they go to the same church.  Whenever we visit Patrick's parents we usually sit behind Lynette and her family...It's fun to see them filling up the whole pew.  I've always admired the kind, warm way that Lynette and her husband interact with their kids.  Here are her thoughts!  (Oh, and remember, with all parenting topics, everyone parents according to their own opinions, values, and their kids' needs...It's totally ok to have differences in the way we parent!  But, we can ALL be kind and learn from each other!  Thanks!)
-Amy

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What are the ages of your kids?

We have 6 children. Oldest is 16, then 14, 11, 9, 6, and youngest is 4.


What is the toughest part about raising teens? 

I think the toughest part about raising teens is when they won't talk to you.  How can I help you when you won't talk to me?  Sometimes our teens do this.  We have tried several things but I will tell you 3 things that have helped.

1- We do weekly interviews with all our kids.  They know it is coming.  My husband and I do this together.

2 - If they decide to always give the classic teenage answer "I don't know" or even just a shoulder shrug, we tell them that is not an acceptable answer and they will be expected to say something.  Then we give them the option to talk now or at a later time.  Sometimes there are other times when my teenagers will just talk and talk and talk.  This is when we tell them how much we love it when they talk and tell us anything and everything and it's ok if it's totally random and then we ask them all the questions we want and they talk.

3 - Sometimes it helps for us as parents to talk first and tell them about our lives and things we struggle with or how we feel.  It helps them open up.  And don't forget to pray.  God is so very much on your side!  He wants you to help His children just as much as you do!

What is the best part of having teens?

The best part of having teens is all the fun things we can do together, talking to them about the little things that go on in high school, taking them out to lunch, surprising them at their seminary class with a treat, getting to know their friends, helping at their practices, rehearsals, and classes.  We just love being there.  We aren't the kind of parents to drop them off and wait in the car.  We love to come in and get to know their coaches, director's, and be a part of their practices and rehearsals.  This is so fun!!  My husband loves helping them with their homework.  His talent is tutoring math.  Some nights are late but he loves spending that time with them and learning together.

How do you find the balance between giving them rules verses giving them freedom to make choices?

We are not perfect at this, but one of the best things we can do is teach them why.  Teach them why we have this rule and that rule.  Teach them the doctrine behind the rule.  For example, we teach our teen girls that in junior high or high school, you don't share your problems with boys.  Why?  Because talking to a boy about your problems leads to emotional intimacy and "closeness" which can lead to physical "closeness."  We encourage them to just be friends and have fun together!  If you have a bad day, tell your girlfriends, your siblings, or your parents about it.  So, we teach them why.  Then many times we tell our teenagers, "Now you watch the girls in high school and watch the ones who have boyfriends and see what happens." So many times this has taught the lesson better than we could.  We all know teenage relationships don't last; they bring so much drama and heartache and up and down.  When our girls saw this over and over again with their closest friends, it helped them realize how much they didn't want that.

I love the verse of scripture: "wickedness never was happiness."  It is so simple and so true.  If you go against the commandments of God, you will not be happy.  When our kids have questions we ask them "What does Jesus say about this?" or "What have the leaders in our church counseled us about this?"  Our kids have not been perfect and they have made lots of mistakes.  But hopefully they have learned from their mistakes. 

How do you talk about the tough stuff - morality, sex, etc...?

My advice here is do it ALL THE TIME and start when they are young.  We talk about this every week in our interviews.  Tell me all the boys you like - think are cute, have a crush on, like to be around etc...  We talk about their body and how it is changing and what questions they have.  We talk about sex and marriage and pregnancy and having babies.  Sometimes we just teach them one thing about their body or about sex.  Then they can ask more if they want.  But when we bring it up every week, then they know it is a common subject with their parents and when they are wondering about something, they can ask!  And again, teach the doctrine.  Teach the sacredness of your body and of marriage.  It is all given to us by God and don't let the world ruin it and pollute it!

How do you encourage them in their interests?

This is fun!  We love to allow them to try new things so they can explore their interests.  We like to take them places so they can explore different careers and hobbies.  We try to help them sign up for things and still have the balance of family time at home.  We try to praise them for their efforts and participation.  We also try to teach them about commitment.  They get to choose what they participate in and get involved in, and then they have to follow through and can't quit.  It's so fun to see them try things and grow.  I have to remind myself why we do all these things for our kids.  I have to think about why we are here on earth and what is really important and find the place for developing talents without letting it get in the way of other important things.  And we talk to our kids about praising God in all we do and recognizing that our talents come from Him and we have talents to praise and serve Him.

How do you work with your husband in teaching your kids?

Doing our weekly interviews together is really good because we both know the current needs of each of our children.  My husband is so good at things that I struggle with.  He is better at talking to our kids much of the time.  And his priesthood blessings (a special kind of prayer that the Father gives to a child through the inspiration and direction of the Spirit) really help our kids.  It also helps to talk privately as husband and wife about each child and how to help them.  Then we are more united on helping them.  And God inspires us to know what to do as we discuss their needs.
-Lynette

Reading stories with Dad on Father's day.

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Thank you so much Lynette!  There were so many good ideas there!  I appreciate how deliberate, mindful, and prayerful they are in their parenting.   I also love their tactic for talking about the hard stuff....just do it!  Frequently and comfortably!  Then your kids know that they are safe/ok topics and that they can talk to mom and dad about anything.  Brilliant. :)  

Oh, and...I totally remember saying, "I don't know." when my parents would ask me what was wrong...ha!  *Sigh...I had some bratty moments....like my whole junior year.  :)

What do you think?  Mommas, how do you balance rules vs. freedom with your kids?  How do you talk about the tough subjects?  (Whew...I'm feeling glad that the toughest subject my son and I are dealing with right now is how it's not appropriate to put our blanket in the toilet!)  How do you work as a team with your husband?  And ladies, what about your parents--did you have a really open relationship them?  Do you wish they had been more or less involved in your choices?  How did they help you in your choices?  We'd love to hear from you.  :) And, if you loved this post, please Like/Share using the buttons below! 

Also, if you're new here to SOM, welcome! :)  Be sure to "Like" the blog on the upper right to get facebook updates when we have more awesome posts!  We have a lot of fun around here.  :)

P.S. Check out this awesome wisdom from my mother-in-law about finding balance in a busy family with lots of extra curricular activities...she's knows what she's talking about too, cause she has raised/is still raising 5 teens. :)

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The Life of a Full-time Mom with a Full-time Job

Amy's Interview with Tamara 

Now that we've heard from a grad student turned stay-at-home momma (if you missed it, be sure to read Sarah's awesome post), here's the perspective of a momma who works full-time.  Introducing: my neighbor and friend, Tamara!  She's got three cute kids, one of which is a little boy who probably knows more about superheros than the author of Marvel comics.  My favorite thing about Tamara: she's super friendly and easy to talk to.  When I met her, I was nervous to be in a new church congregation; but she, along with some other awesome ladies, took me in like a lost puppy and helped me feel welcome and included.

My second favorite thing about Tamara: she loves books and she's willing to share! :)  She feeds my addiction and keeps me supplied with many good reads, resulting in late nights and plenty of "Ughhh...why the crap did I read till 3 am?!" hangovers the following mornings.  She's also intelligent, witty, and...Canadian!  Cool, huh? 

I'm so glad she agreed to tell us about how she balances being a mom and a full-time teacher.  Since she is so busy--and just had a sweet little babe--I thought an interview would be a better idea than asking her to sit down and write a post.  Infants can be quite demanding on the time.  Enjoy, friends!
-Amy

Q: Ok, Tamara: first of all, kids and ages, please?

A: Emily is 6, Collin is 4, and Kate is 2 weeks old.

Q: What do you do for your job?

A: I teach special education, specifically remedial reading and math.  I started teaching in January of 2002 and I’ve taught special ed. for 11 years: 1st grade up through high school.  I also created a program that allows learning disabled students to meet specific requirements so they can earn an alternative diploma, since they aren't able to get a traditional one.  Now I’m teaching at a middle school.  I like this age.  Under 4th grade is not my favorite to teach.

Q: How do you make it work, being a mom and teaching full-time?

A: When Emily was born, I stayed home for 7 months.  In Canada, they give you 65 percent of your pay for maternity leave.  Landon (my husband) was able to take time off for the next 5 months.  It  made it easy that Landon could be home.  I was lucky to live a block away from the school; I'd go home at lunch to nurse.

For the next year, when Landon worked, she would go to my mom’s house, who lived about two blocks away.  When Collin was born, I stayed home for the first 6 months, then I went back to work 4 days a week.  During the day, my mom would have Collin and Emily till noon, then she would drop them off at my classroom, where I would nurse Collin in my office during lunch.  Then, when Landon got off work a little after noon, he would pick the kids up from my school and take them home.  Collin would never take a bottle--he refused--so I had to hurry home after school to feed him.

We moved to Idaho when my husband started the Radiographic Sciences Program.  He watches the kids when he's not at school, and during his classes, my sister or my good friend, Kira, watches them.

Before I had kids, Landon and I decided that because my job was so stressful, all paperwork and school work needed to stay at school.  I work through lunches when I need to, and stay after, but I work quickly and get all paperwork done at school.  My job has a high burn-out rate: 2-5 years.  I’m grateful I love my job, but I’m also grateful I have a husband who helps me to keep the separation between work and home.  We’ve been very blessed: I have always had to work, but I’ve always had supportive employers who would work around my schedule as a mom.  Like one time Emily got hurt (she tried to knock out her teeth) in the middle of a school day.  We only had one car, so I had to run home and take her to the dentist.  I left my Paras (aides) in charge of my classroom, and my boss was fine with out.  There's been a few times when our babysitters weren't available, when I've brought my kids to school.  Emily has been to my class here about 5 times, Collin a couple times.  My boss doesn't mind, as long as they don’t disrupt my class.  They like coming; I’ll give them headphones and they’ll play on educational websites, or I'll get my students to read books to them or explain their math.  Emily was showing off her math skills and they all thought she was a genius!  My students love it when my kids come.

Q: What are your future plans for work/family?

A: I’m hoping next year I’ll teach a few days a week and do paperwork at home on the other days.  If it doesn’t work, I’d like to sub, cause I don't want to go back full-time.  After Landon is done with school and is working full-time, I'd like to take a break for a few years until all of our kids are in school, then I'll work full-time again till we have our student loans payed off.  After that, I’ll work part time so I can be involved in my kids’ schools, but still be there when they are home.

Q: What is the most challenging part of working full-time and taking care of a family?

A:  It’s been difficult for me not to be a stay at home mom, because I’ve wanted to be home for my kids, like my mom was for for me.  But I just can't right now.  I’ve had many tearful times about it.  Both my kids have asked me "Do you have to go to work?"  That sucks.

It's also hard when I come home and there’s all of the mom jobs.   I’ve had to learn balance...I haven’t always been the best at balancing and getting everything done.  Now, when I come home, I spend time with my kids, then they help me make dinner.  I’ve realized I have to cut back; I can’t do everything.  I often have to cut out some of my own stuff.  And the balance changes, sometimes it's working well, then after a while, I have to re-adjust.  When things get overwhelming, it's time to communicate.  I’m talking to Landon saying, “It would be really helpful if you could..." or “Can you be in charge of…” That helps immensely.

Q: What do you do to make sure you get quality time with your family, even though you're busy? 

A: Weekends are for us. We clean the house Saturday morning, then in the afternoon do something fun as a family.  Sunday after church we usually make cookies and take them to other people, cause I don’t want to keep them in my house.  For Landon and I, we try to go on a date once a month.  And every evening, after the kids go to bed, we devote ten minutes to just the two of us, with nothing else distracting us.

Q: How do you recharge yourself?

A: I'm in a book club.  Sunday afternoons I will sew or read...but I have to be careful how much time I spend reading.  I also read during lunch at work.  (I have to limit myself because I binge read: I’ll go a long time, then I’ll read, like 12 books in a row!)  Sometimes, I’ll call friends up and say, "Let’s go for a treat!"  You feel guilty taking time for yourself, cause you feel like you should spend ALL of your time with your kids when you’re home.  But, I'm just like anybody else, after a long day, I just need a little space.

Q: What are the positives of working full-time while being a momma? 

A: I have a husband who totally understands what it’s like to be a stay at home parent.  He never asks me why the dinner isn’t ready and the home isn’t clean, cause he knows what it's like.  I’ve also learned not to judge, cause people have made a lot of assumptions about me and even commented to me that I’d rather work than be with my kids.  They have no idea.  And, even if someone wanted to work to have a vacation home, it is still their decision!

I've really learned what is important.  Life's not about keeping up with the Joneses.  When Emily was born, I wanted to be able to prove I could do everything.  I ran myself ragged and ended up with postpartum depression.  I realized I had to slow down.  I was trying so hard to do everything that I was missing everything--and I was never happy.  You start realizing where to let go, what is really important.  Now, I know that if I can’t get something done, oh well it, it’s just not going to happen.  I don't worry about it.  My sanity's not worth the stress!  We've become more relaxed with each kid.

I'm grateful that I love my work.  I like the difference I can make.  I also love making a difference in my kids' lives.  Ha...I wish there was two of me!  

-Isn't she cool?  I'm amazed at how she constantly works at balancing it all, and I love her "you can't do it all--you have to let un-important things go!" attitude.  A good lesson for us all, right?  Thanks Tamara for sharing with us! 
-Amy

Your turn!  Working mommas, how do YOU balance your responsiblities and still have quality family time?  We'd love to hear from you!  (Remember, we're not here to judge anyone else; we all have different circumstances, so let's keep it kind!)

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How to Help Your Kids Learn and Love Music

By Melissa
Intro by Amy

My cousin Melissa is one of the most down-to-earth, relaxed people I've ever met.  She is so fun to talk to, warm, and friendly; that's why I love hangin' out with her!  She's a great momma and lives out in the boonies with her husband and 3 adorable girls.  And, let me tell you, she plays the cello like you wouldn't believe.  Seriously, I feel like crying when I hear her play.  Yo-Yo Ma better look out for this momma!  (Confused? Google him.)  I'm super excited that she agreed to write about music, because she is an expert!  Really, check out her Swaggin' Lady bio, cause she's got some amazing experience.  

I was especially excited to hear what she had to say about music lessons for kids, since I spent two years crying through piano lessons till my mom let me switch to a children's choir.  I LOVED it and continued singing in choirs and small groups all growing up.  Now I sing musical numbers in church with my husband; it's super fun to see our son get excited about music too!  

So, from a musical pro....learn and enjoy! 
-Amy

This is for anyone who has an influence on children whether it be your own, niece/nephew, or a neighbor kid. You can enrich the life of a child with music! I will be mainly referring to interacting with your own children, but apply it to your life accordingly. 

WAYS TO BRING MUSIC INTO YOUR LIFE 
Sing to your children or if you play an instrument then play for them too. Let them touch it and be familiar with it. Sing songs that have actions too. Even if they can't sing words yet, they will pick up on the actions. Poems and finger plays are wonderful for establishing rhythm. You could even have the child make up their own melody for a poem or finger play. Dance to the music! It is such a wonderful way to interact with and internalize the music. You can make homemade instruments. Shakers are great! Fill up an empty spice bottle or baby food jar with rice or beans. Use some plastic bracelets and tie ribbons onto them. They are wonderful streamers for kids to wave around to the music. 

VARIETY, VARIETY, VARIETY! 
Don't get stuck in a rut with one kind of genre. It's like feeding your kids the same food at every meal. Explore with your child many different kinds of music. There is so much out there! You may not even like it, but guess what? Your kid might LOVE it! It also gives you an opportunity to check out some new music. The internet is so wonderful for downloading songs for pretty cheap. I was teaching Lydian about the seasons and she brightened up and said, “Yeah, like Carole King!” And she sang the lyrics to You've Got a Friend: Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.... Yes, it turned out to be a teaching tool! 

Here we are preforming at a Summer Festival.  Lydian sang some jazz standard with her Daddy.

LISTEN TO GOOD MUSIC 
Listen to good music with your kids. Many folks may view “good music” as being a subjective kind of thing. I beg to differ. Personally, I believe there is good music and bad music. It depends on the message that is being sent through the music and also the artist that is producing it. Does it encourage you to be a good person? To have good morals? Do I want my child learning or repeating these lyrics? It's up to you. Use your own judgment. Music has a powerful affect on our souls and can help or hurt in shaping who we become. Always be on the look out for kid friendly concerts and music venues. Check out your local Community Orchestra. They usually have a Family Concert. Local school concerts could be an option too. Summer is filled with many opportunities to bring the kiddos along for some live music. It is so good for them to hear those live vibrations! How about a field trip to a music store and arrange for a staff member to show off the instruments they have there? 

Doesn't Lydian look inspired?  Chloe just had to have her own violin too!

ENCOURAGING WITHOUT FORCING 
Figure out a reward system. You know what's best for your child. What has worked for us is that the girls get a small piece of candy for a practice session. Then if they practice 5 days in a week they get a prize. Ie: dollar store toy, ice cream cone, movie night with popcorn. Keep it simple. Kids are easy to please. Wait, is this bribery?! Yes, yes it is. If your child hates to practice and you are yelling and threatening for them to practice, then stop. Maybe a different instrument would suit them better. They might need a break. Recently, my daughter Chloe was practicing violin and told me she didn't want to play anymore. I asked her if she wanted to play a different instrument. She quickly replied, “Drums!”. It totally made sense. She has always been very good with rhythm. A main concern with parents is that they will buy their kid an instrument and then they don't play it for very long and eventually give it up. In my opinion, it is never a waste to buy an instrument and invest in lessons for a child. It has shaped their brain and character in a positive way. 

 IT IS JUST PLAIN GOOD FOR THE BRAIN AND DEVELOPMENT 
 There have been many scientific studies that show great advantages to children who learned and instrument. It makes new pathways and connections in the brain. It is linked to better language comprehension and reading skills. Here are some links to articles about the effects of music and playing an instrument on the brain. This goes beyond what many know as the “Mozart Effect”. 

"Early Music Lessons Have Longtime Benefits"

"Music Tones Brain; Improves Learning"

"The Benefits of Children Learning Music"

Lydian and Esther

We have had great experiences with our kids playing music for family, friends and old folks at nursing homes. A child needs praise and encouragement and it is important to give them a good audience. The old folks at nursing homes are wonderful. They love some good music and they love children. Plus, this gives your child an opportunity to serve through their talents. 

I remember the day when Lydian played her first song, Hot Cross Buns. I called all the grandparents and had her play over the phone. They cheered and she lit up. They need to know that music is of great value. 

It's not all easy. There can be moments of frustration and trying everyone's patience, but in the end it is all worth it. There are times when they play or sing and then exclaim, "Mom, I did it!". That is worth it. My husband plays his guitar and sings to them at bedtime and they eventually end up singing along. That is worth it. They take that bow at the recital and come up with a beaming smile. That is worth it. 

Music has brought my family closer together. It is something that you cannot describe in words. It is an emotional and soulful connection. You can start music wherever you are in your lives right now! It is never too late. It is a bright light in our lives. Make it one in yours. I promise that you will never regret it. 

Good luck to you in your musical journey with children!
-Melissa


How have you encouraged your children to love music? 

Please let me know it the comment box if you have any questions!


Hey, ladies!  This is Amy...Did you love this?  Did you learn something new?  If so, then share with others using the buttons below! :)  Thank you!

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