February 27, 2014

The Dream of Being a Mother

By DaNae
Introduced by Amy

DaNae is the younger sister of one of my best guy friends from all growing up.  She is easy-going, kind, and so fun to be around.  Even though I'm about 5 years older than her, I always loved hanging out with her at her brother's happenin' parties!  (You can tell I had a pretty hard core group of friends, since younger siblings were allowed to hang out with us while we watched movies and got wasted off of Sprite and M&M's.)  

Today, DaNae is sharing her struggle with infertility, and how she and her husband finally got the little baby they'd been waiting and praying for.  (Yay!)  Infertility has got to be such a lonely and devastating struggle--the hoping, waiting, then dissapointment over and over, while constantly seeing close friends, family members, strangers with little infants or pregnant bellies.  So many couples struggle silently; I'm so honored DaNae offered to open her heart and share her story with us.  

I have always dreamed of being a mother.  I remember a song I used to listen to when I was a little girl that said, “When I grow up, I want to be a mother, and have a family….”  I have 7 siblings, lots of cousins, and several nieces and nephews, so being a mother was something I looked forward to—I love kids.  But I also always thought in the back of my mind that I would have a challenge getting pregnant.

I got married April 10, 2010, to my best friend, Kevin Barnard.

I had completed one semester of college and so had he, so we decided we wanted to wait a while before trying to get pregnant.  We both felt very strongly that I should finish my college degree and figured that would be more doable without a little baby. Besides, we were both young (18 and 21), so we were not in a big hurry to start having babies—we wanted some time with just the two of us.

We went to school at BYU-Idaho, and it seemed like everyone there had babies!  So, I will admit, I got baby hungry at times.  Kevin and I decided it would be a good idea for me to go to school year-round, so that I could finish my degree faster.

After we had been married for a little over a year, we both felt it was time to go off birth control.  I still had one year left before I would graduate, but we figured that if we got pregnant immediately, we would make it work for those last few months of school with a baby.

I had always had irregular menstrual cycles, and had hopes that birth control may help regulate them.  I went off birth control in July of 2011, and at the end of November, we decided to go to the doctor since I had not yet had a period, and I also was not pregnant.

They did several tests, and came to the conclusion that for some reason, I did not ovulate.  So the Nurse Practitioner put me on Provera, a medicine to start a period, and then on Clomid, a fertility drug to {hopefully} help me ovulate.  I did this for three cycles, and did not ovulate once.  Waiting for those results each cycle seemed like an eternity!  Kevin and I knew we were moving in a couple months, so we decided to take a break from doctors for a bit and we would go to an Infertility Specialist when we moved.

I graduated in July of 2012, and we moved to Idaho Falls that month.  On September 20, we had our first appointment with the Infertility Specialist.  He said we would try Clomid one more time at the highest dose he was willing to give, and he also let us know that there was another fertility drug called Femara that we could also try if the Clomid did not work.  In the meantime, we were to get a Semen Analysis since we had not done so yet.

The same day that I got the results from the doctor that I did not ovulate on the Clomid, we also got the results of the Semen Analysis, and with those results found out that getting pregnant would be even harder than we thought.  The doctor told me that we could try Femara, and if I ovulated, the day of ovulation, we would have to do an IUI (IntraUterine Insemination).  We could try IUI’s three times, and if we did not have any luck, the next step would be In-Vitro Fertilization (which is much more expensive than IUI’s).  I was heartbroken.  But I had my husband by my side to help me through the heartbreak.

And guess what?  The Femara worked!  I ovulated, and had my first IUI in November of 2012, but it did not get me pregnant.  I started to lose hope, but knew that we had two more chances.  I took Femara again, and on December 28, 2012, our little boy was conceived via IUI.

The journey seemed so long, but it was nothing that I couldn’t handle without the love and support of family and friends, and most importantly, my husband.  On September 19, 2013, our healthy little Braxton boy was born.

Because we did not get pregnant right when we went off birth control, we got to do a lot of things we would not have otherwise done.  For one, my sister and brother-in-law took us to Disneyland with them!  I was able to graduate with my social work degree, and get licensed as a Social Worker.  I also got to work for one year in my field of study before our little guy was born.

And just before Braxton was born, Kevin got a job offer that made it so I could stay home with Braxton instead of continuing to work like we had originally planned.  Kevin only had to finish one last semester of school before he graduated when Braxton was born.  The timing could not have been better.

I believe that God had a hand in our journey to conception.  I believe that He knew when the timing would be right, and even though it was hard, we made it through.  And I would not trade Braxton or the wait we had to get him for the world.  I know that everyone who struggles with infertility has a different story, and my heart aches for those who do.  Please know that there is hope!  I have a good friend that has been able to have two children through adoption, and they are the cutest little kids.  And she is no less of a mother because she adopted.

Love, DaNae

Yay!  Such a sweet little baby boy.  I am so happy for this family...I knew Kevin in high school too...they are both so kind and friendly--they pretty much make an amazing couple.  :)  Thank you, DaNae for sharing your story!

As a blog where we often talk about being moms, being preg, birthing babies, toddler rampages, etc...this may not be the easiest place for a lady who is dealing with infertility and I never want to be insensitive to her struggle.  I tried to clumsily express my feelings about this when I talked about expecting baby number two (when I had an obese, blood-clotted leg to go along with my pregnancy...ha) but, if you don't mind, I hope it's ok if I repeat myself to all you ladies who might be reading DaNae's post with a heavy heart cause you haven't gotten your happy ending yet:

"For those who are struggling with infertility, I hope this post isn't a slap to the face...though it probably is. :(  It is hard not to get super excited and want to blab all about having a baby on the way, but at the same time, I know that to some, it's like salt in a wound.  I've had a few close friends who struggled to be able to start a family, and they told me it is such a bitter hurt to hear that yet another one of your friends got easily pregnant.  I don't know what else to say, but I love you, and I sincerely and completely hope that you get the desire of your heart!  You will make a wonderful mother.  I don't understand why timing isn't always how we want it, especially when we are pleading with God for something that is so good and unselfish, like having a baby to care for and raise.  Don't lose hope!  I know many friends who struggled with infertility, who now are pregnant, have a baby, or even several kids!  And, I know others who have welcomed children into their home through adoption--what a beautiful way for yearning couples to finally receive the children they prayed for, while giving the children the chance for a family where they can be best cared for and loved!  So, there is hope!  Friends, just know that we love you and are praying for you."

We can never know what another is going through till we take time to listen and hear their story.  This also means that no one can understand OUR journey till WE can gather up the courage to share it! That's why I am so passionate about having a place for YOU to share your stories, so we can love and support each other in the bad times, and party together through the good! :) 

Didn't Zac Efron say it best?  "We're all in this together!"  

Um, sorry, was quoting High School Musical taking it too far?  Ha.

I love you swaggin ladies!  And, if you are new here at SOM, Welcome!  Take a look around, like us on Facebook, and/or join this site (both by clicking the happy little buttons on the side of the blog!) so you can hear more real-life stories from amazing ladies, like you! :)  We have a lot of fun around here. :)

1 comment:

  1. My goodness, this is practically our story. Married the same time, went off birth control and it took a year and a half to get pregnant with help. She'll be here anytime now.
    It's really hard to say anything to people going through this except, "I understand, I'm sorry and you'll get through this." But I just want to say that God does have a plan for us and our children, even if it doesn't seem fair that you, the loving people that you can't have a child when there are people all over the world not fit to be parents popping them out right and left. God knows and he is there for you if you come to him.


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