Baby Miles is Here!!!

By Amy

Friends!  I am happy and relieved to tell you that our little baber is finally here!  After going back and forth about what to name him for MONTHS, we finally decided on Miles William Graham.  (We heard the name Miles in a movie a few months ago and loved it, and William is for my dad and grandpa and two great great grandpas, and my brother too!  There's a great family heritage to that name.)

Miles looks like the sweetest little mumpy old man!  And he's got a wild mohawk that I am obsessed with.  Isn't it awesome how babies look so rough and beat up from delivery, all puffy, with no chin, and people still gush, "Oh he's gorgeous!" :)  I'm like, "Well, that's a bit of a stretch, but thanks!" :)

My sweet little mohawk dude!

His delivery had some scary moments--my blood pressure dropped and I passed out, which caused his heartbeat to dip way down, then afterwards, for hours while they waited for me to dilate enough, I felt pretty awful.  Then later on, he freaked me out pretty bad (and Patrick too) when his heartbeat kept plummeting again and alarms were going off and suddenly there were like 8 nurses and docs in the room!  (I was praying so hard over and over, "Please let him be ok! Please let him be ok!")  I had on an oxygen mask and they were changing my position over and over with not much improvement--we knew we had to get this baby out as quickly as possible.  My doctor was still 4 minutes away, but by the time he walked in everything was ready for me to push.  With the help of a vacuum and, I'm sure Heavenly Father, he miraculously popped out in about a minute! (...compared to the hour and half of pushing I did with my first baby!)  After a few agonizing moments while the nurses rubbed my purplish baby's little chest, he finally started wailing!  What a relief.  Of course I was bawling too. :)

It's so good to have him here safely. :)  And, my recovery has been amazing, cause I didn't rip or tear or have an episiotomy like I did with Hayden.  So, no stitches and sitting on ice packs, just a little soreness. :)

Friends, I have several amazing guest posts coming that I am super excited to share with you, but it may take me a little time.  Right now I am trying to figure out the new rhythm to life.  Cause when I have any time where both the boys are asleep, I just want to conk out too....oy, sleep deprivation.  And, this may sound really selfish, but I've been wondering, when can I fit MY stuff in when I have a toddler who misses/needs more of my time, and an infant who is pretty chill so far, but a challenge to feed? (Oh nursing, why can't I seem to succeed with you?)  I find so much joy in blogging and doing creative things, but I have to remind myself that my family and I will adapt and find our new norm, and I will get to do those things again, it will just take a little time to figure out.  Until then, please be patient with me especially if the posts are slow to trickle in, cause I love all of you and this happy little blog ...I won't give up on you so don't give up on me, ok?

Here are some extremely fancy, high-quality (ha) phone pics from the entrance of baby Miles...enjoy!  Love to you all!

A few days before Miles was born...Hayden is practicing holding a baby gently! Ha, do you like the swaddled Kermit?

Day before baby came!  Last belly shot!

He's here!!  6 pounds 7 ounces, 20 inches.

Proud dad!  Patrick was amazing through it all...I love him.

Oh, my sweet boys!!!  

Haha, we tried to see if he'd fit these adorable preemie pjs...he's skinny enough, but he can't straighten out his legs! Ha!

PS. For those mommas who have more than one kiddio, I'd love to hear how you helped your older child get used and like having a new baby.  Hayden loves baby Miles, but he's struggling with the changes in his life and routine.

PSS.  Also, I'd love to hear your thoughts about finding your groove after having a baby or having another baby.  Did you struggle with this too?

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18 Signs that You May Be Over 8 Months Pregnant...

By Amy 

(First of all, for those who find it painful to read about pregnancy because you'd give anything to be pregnant yourself, or for those who aren't to the "having kids" stage yet and just find it uninteresting, please ignore this post.)

Friends, please know that I truly am so grateful to be pregnant and expecting my second child! However, there are some strange, uncomfortable, and ridiculously funny parts of being THIS pregnant that I don't want to forget, so please forgive me for talking about the less-than-enjoyable aspects of being big with child.  Ya know, later it gets all hazy and then you're the 70-year-old lady in the grocery store saying, "Oh, enjoy EVERY moment!" to young moms and soon to be moms, making them feel like crap for all the many moments that they definitely do NOT enjoy.  (I mean, who enjoys puking for crying out loud?)

But...anyway, I hope you can relate to some of the weirdness!  :)

1. You grunt and groan.  EVERY TIME YOU BEND DOWN.  Actually, I'm starting to grunt for most any movement I force my body to make.  It's probably really attractive.

2. Getting out of bed...it's like a darn Olympic feat.  I use a strange ritual of rocking for momentum, planting my foot against the bedroom wall for leverage, all accompanied by...you guessed it...more grunting.  I'm pretty sure my body still contains abs...somewhere in there.

3. You feel like you have a HEATER inside of you! (Maybe this is just cause I'm hugely pregnant during the hottest months of the year.  Excellent planning, huh?) Seriously, it's pathetic... I heat stroke in like 3 minutes of standing in the sun.  My poor child.  I used to take him to the park.  Now I'm parked in front of the air conditioner.  The other night, I woke up to my husband all cuddled up to me in bed cause he was freezing!  Oops, maybe that was my fault for blasting our window air conditioner all night in our bedroom on high.  Oh, and even with that, I STILL had my arm and legs out of the covers, cause I was too hot.  Ha!

4. When you see a small space you have to fit through, and you turn sideways...except, that doesn't make you any smaller and now you are now wedged between two objects.  You feel like a fool.  (Even more awkward when you are trying to move past someone and you don't realize how big you are, and you belly bump them!  Ha!)

5. You are being forcibly beat up from the inside.  Sometimes, the jabs and pushes are so painful they actually take my breath away!  I mean, why the anger, child?!  I am feeding you plenty! (ask my husband, he can vouch for that!)  Heck, I'm even giving you the good brand of ice cream sandwiches, not the store brand stuff!  You should be lovingly massaging me in gratitude! ....or something like that. :)

6. Your skin is AMAZING!  I don't know if you experience this but, during my 2nd and 3rd trimester my skin is glowing and clear, and I feel like I'm in a Neutrogena commercial!  And I constantly am grateful, because this is a freakin miracle for me!  Usually my skin is super crappy--like 14-year-old, crappy.  (Remember when we talked about skin woes and other insecurities about our bodies?)

7. When something falls on the floor and you know you have to bend down to retrieve it, you're irrationally angry about it.  Like, full-on rage.  I usually yell, "Are you freakin kidding me!"...or something of that nature.

8. When you try to go for a walk, you feel like a bowling ball is trying to push out of your nether regions.

9. You never have to suck in or feel self-conscious in a tight shirt, cause...there's a baby in that big gut!  Wahoo!!  Heck, the bigger your belly looks, the cuter!  So grab those cinnamon rolls, oreos, and some cheesey, sour-cream covered enchiladas and stuff yo face!!!  (Disclaimer: do yourself a favor...do not eat like this your whole pregnancy, or you will regret it later!  It's a lot easier to lose 25 pounds, then 50 pounds.)

10. You are acquiring some impressive cankles along with some killer tiger stripes on your belly.  And, um, how can stretch marks be worse with #2?!  I've already stretched out once for heaven sake!  And, I haven't exceeded the weight gain I had with my first! (...Yet! ha!)  Oh well.  I guess I need to throw out my bikinis. (Yeah...that's sarcasm.)  You may even hit the jackpot and develop some beautifuly purple varicose veins on your legs!  Time to sport the compression socks, sistah!

11. Your body seems to think that to birth a child, you must gain a certain amount of fat in the love handle region.  Like it is URGENTLY necessary.  Oh, and for me, I think that I am carrying another baby in each boob.  They are getting awkwardly big.  It's pretty bad when the only time you don't show accidental cleavage is when you're in a turtleneck.  And, let me tell you, it is WAYYYY too blasted hot for a turtleneck.  (See #3)

12. Your digestion SUCKS.  (I'll spare you details.)

13. So does your bladder control.  (It's gone, just like your dignity.  Pray you don't develop a bad cough or have a sneezing attack in public.)

14. And...your patience sucks too.  Which is understandable for anyone who generally is feeling uncomfortable, tired, and/or overheated.  Oy, it's not easy parenting a toddler when you have no energy.  Sometimes I just start crying when he's throwing a fit and I'm desperately trying to wrestle him into his dang shoes, and of course we are late for something, and I just am just done!  Then he feels bad when I cry and wipes my tears and says, "Momma, you crying?  You need Fuzzy?" in his little sweet voice, and I can't be mad anymore.  (Fuzzy is his beloved blankie.)

15. You start to re-live some of that 1st tri stuff...extreme, overwhelming exhaustion, queasiness, and you are generally uncomfortable.

A good pregnancy moment...

A much more realistic pregnancy moment.  Thanks, Alyssa for taking this super flattering pic...ha!  

16. Your sleep is wretched--full of tossing and turning.  I try to have a positive attitude, but it's hard not to feel ornery while wearily shuffling to the bathroom to pee for the third time in one night.

17. You are nervous and super excited/antsy for labor and delivery.  Basically, you are SOOO ready for this baby to be safely out of you and placed into your arms!  I'm pretty sure that's how God gets us ready to have our babies.  Towards the end, even if we're terrified to give birth to and then be responsible for our own little human, (or learn how to take care of two!!) we feel so dang uncomfortable that we WANT that baby to come out!  Like, today.

This time around with baby numero dos, I am grateful to have this sweet awareness of what is to come.  I've actually experienced what it is like to love and care for my own child and watch him grow--it's not just an abstract idea this time.  And, even though I am terrified to do the infant stage again (it was a little traumatic with Hayden) I also know how worth it all the effort is!  I can't wait to have another little person to fill my heart and bring more joy into our little fam!  (Here are a couple pics capturing "Yep, it was all worth it." moments....)

Photo by Alyssa Graham

Photo by Alyssa Graham

Having love like this in my life make stretch marks and a belly that will never be quite the same seem like such insignificant sacrifices!  Big deal, ya know?  Oh and life isn't perfect--my son can throw some wicked fits and be very stubborn/sensitive--but the truth is, there are moments when my sweet son fills me with so much joy I feel like my heart's gonna burst and I kinda start crying!

Oh, which reminds me of another Sign That You May be Over 8 Months Pregnant:

18. You are irrationally and ridiculously emotional.  Please tell me I'm not the only one who cried multiple times in the Lego Movie.  I mean, they are animated freakin lego people!  Sheesh.

Ok, which ones did you totally agree with??  Which ones not so much?  What signs did I miss? And, if you didn't experience terrible bladder control...yeah, me neither.

:)

Oh and don't forget...If you liked this post, Like/Share it with your pregnant and mom friends!  :) If you are new here to SOM, Welcome!!  Be sure to follow along through Blog Lovin, Facebook, Email, and/or Google Friend Connect (all buttons on the side)..whichever floats your boat!  We have a lot of fun around here. :)  You guys are the best!

Ps. Read Hayden's birth story here...I mean, if you're into that kind of stuff. :)

Pss. I am linking up this post to the Be.YOU.tiful Link party!  Check it out! :)

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Momma's Got Baby Name Drama

By Amy

Man, baby names are hard.  I mean, not for me--I've had a list of baby names since 1963.  Ok...just since Jr. High.  But I really have had a list since then.  A whole list of adorable names that I love.  So I figured the future of my babies' names were in the bag, easy-peesy.  I was so prepared. 

But, I have three older sisters.  (And a big and little bro...big family. :)  

And, one of my sisters who will go unnamed (hint: her name rhymes with fairy and starts with a "Sh") used FOUR of my names on THE LIST or close variations of.  

I mean, it's ok.  It's cool.  It's not like a 16 year old has much right to call dibs on names for her future babies, when she has three grown sisters actually having kids.

And, all of my nieces and nephews are super cool, and all of their names fit them perfectly, so it really is fine. :)

And, I still had plenty of awesome names left on list, so I wasn't panicking yet.  Then, the rough reality hit when I got married to Patrick, my bald knight in shining...er, head... and two years later, we were expected a baby--then I realised.  OH crap.  What if he doesn't like MY NAMES?!?!?!  I wasn't excited to compromise on this issue.

So, one day, I shared the list with him.  It was a disaster.  My dreams were crumbling down around me with every "Nope," every snort of disgust, outright laugh, and shocked silence.  Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating, but he did not like many.  *sob*  Not even Clover or Hazel for a girl or Maxwell or Harrison for a boy!

Apparently, both parents need to agree on a child's name.  Can't going through labor gave me the sole right and privilege of naming the baby?  Ha, nope.

Baby names are tricky, cause...sheesh, everybody has an opinion.  What if everyone hates and secretly mocks your child's name their whole life?  Sad!  Or, what if your favorite name was JUST used by your cousin or sibling or friend?  (Has happened to me like three times.) Would you still use it?  What if you find the perfect name and then realise the initials of the full name spells out a swear word?  How could you do that to a kid??  Also, if you happen to love a name, but it sounds really dumb with your last name, then it's no good.  Or if it rhymes or is too matchy-matchy with the previous child's name, that can sound really silly.  Oh, and what if EVERY name you can think of reminds your husband of some weird kid he knew in elementary school?  Haha...seriously, though.  And, there's the issue of disappointing family who may want you to use a specific family name.  My mom had like 4 generations of Williams before my brother...how could she deny that!?  So, my bro's name is Billy, and my dad's name is Bill and it was SO confusing growing up, since anyone calling on the phone who knew my dad growing up called him "Billy". 

Names are such a big choice on the behalf of another person's life.  

With my toddler's name, both my husband and I liked Hayden.  I liked that it sounded modern, even though it's actually an older name, since there's a lake and a town called, "Hayden" in Idaho.  I loved Oliver and lobbied for Oliver as a middle name, and Patrick was good with it, but then I started thinking of how cool it is to have a family name for a middle name...I love the idea of the heritage and identity it carries.  Plus, I LOVE my husband's name: Patrick.  (It was one of the names on my list!)  But, he thought it was conceited or something to call your kid after yourself.  I kept bugging him about it, then...lo and behold, in the hospital right before signing the birth certificate, he gave in!  :)  So my son is Hayden Patrick Graham.  

I think he's pretty freakin cute.

Right after finding out that we were expecting another boy, (oh and of course we have TWO adorable girl baby names that we both agree on and love!) I started loving the name Stuart.  I was SO excited for that name.  But, then a few days later, Patrick finally fessed up and told me that he thinks the name is nerdy.  And it reminds him of a white mouse.   

*Sigh...another cute name bites the dust.

Now, Patrick doesn't even want to discuss names, cause I was all broken-hearted after the Stuart disappointment.  Except he will say that he likes Thor.  .....Oh my crap: Thor?  OH, I know, how about Hulk?!!  

Ughhh...no.  

One name that we both like: Theo.  However, Theo is commonly a nickname for Theodore.  And, another variation of Theodore?  Teddy.  What if people start calling our child Teddy Graham?!  What a joke!  Why don't we just have two daughters and name them Golden and Honey?  So no one will ever take any of my children seriously.  Actually, I like the first name Graham a lot...which is a very common first name in the UK.  But, there's an obvious problem with that.  

So, let's hear it friends!  Give me some cute names!  And, what do you think of Theo?  Is it worth risking the possibility he could end up being called Teddy Graham?  Hmmm, I like Jack, too, but does it sound too choppy, since our last name is also one syllable?  Jack Graham?  We still have three months to choose, but it's a comin!

Have you heard any crazy stories about couples choosing names?  I have a friend who takes turns with her husband.  The other spouse can veto, but for the most part, their pick goes.  

For those ladies who've had kids, how have you chosen your kids' names?  Do you like to wait till you see the baby to make the final decision?  Do you have problems choosing names with your hub?  Are you guys on the same page or...is it a debate?  I'd love to hear. :)

P.S. I'm linking this post to the Be.YOU.tiful Link Party....check it out! :)

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Stuff Your Baby Needs! (And Doesn't Need.)

By Amy

I'm almost 20 weeks...wahoo!  I'm past the exhausted, feel-like-I-got-hit-by-a-truck first tri, and I'm not achey and uncomfortable like the third tri, so I'm in the sweet spot...I feel good!  :)  Plus, I'm looking genuinely preg, not just the awkward bloated look or like I pigged out a little too much last weekend--I look legitimately "with child" and THAT is something to celebrate. :)  Life is good.  I'm getting out, getting stuff done, and I'm happy to be pregnant, with all things baby on my mind.  Which has led me to make many lists.  (ha, I'm obsessed with lists!)  Examples: "What to accomplish before baby #2 comes," "What we need to buy for baby," "What I will do to not end up a depressed, weepy, frustrated basket-case for the first month like I was with my first baby"...ya know, just some general lists. :)  Here's one list I was thinking about:

SO, everybody has opinions on what you need for your baby.  Here are my 2 cents for all those soon-to-be first-time mommas.

1.  Swaddler.
Ya know those little mummy wrap things?  We called Hayden's his straight jacket.  He was in his every time he slept till he was over a year old!!!  He left one arm out after about 8 months, but if he wasn't in that sucker, he'd flail and crawl around.  So, I was grateful for the swaddle to help him feel cozy and secure.  And, having one with velcro is HEAVEN!  You don't have to keep re-swaddling your child through the night when they wiggle out of their blanket and start crying...and duct tape is frowned upon.

So, the pic isn't the most photogenic, but it's the only one I could find of him in his straight jacket!  It's just the free one we were given at the hospital after he was born.

2. Binks.
Um, yes.  If your child will take one, then hallelujah!  I had an infant who cried...and cried...and cried...so, the bink allowed me to keep my sanity.  We had to try several till we found one that he would take. (He loved the MAM brand binks)  And no, you don't have to let them use it till they're 17.  Chill people.  When Hayden was a little over a year, we made the rule "Binker is only for sleep."  And he whined about wanting it for a few days, then got over it.  Now, as soon as he wakes up, he says, "Bye, bye bink." and hands it to me.  (Ok, ok, and he gets it now and then when we're super desperate in church.)

Update: Becca reminded me, and I can't believe I didn't mention: bink straps!  Super helpful.  Seriously.  It' is VERY annoying to go wash the babies bink when it hits the ground and it stinks to lose a bink...do yourself a favor.  Get a strap.  Make sure the strap isn't too long, please, especially if you clip on their bink at night!  That can be a choking hazard.  I made a short little ribbon for one of his binks and superglued the ribbon so it would come undone, then attached it to an old-fashioned diaper pin...they are safe (they don't come undone!) and less bulky than a big clip for sleeping.  When my son hit 10 months, he started putting his own binky back in at night...MIRACLE!!!

3. Bouncer.
Or something like this that keeps baby comfortable and safe so you can get stuff done around the house (or you can put baby in it and set it on the bathroom floor so you can take a desperately needed shower--which is super relaxing while baby screams the entire time...haha!  Who needs shaved legs anyway?)  You can't hold your baby at all times.  Don't do that to yourself.  And for times when you don't want them on a blanket on the floor, (like on the hard bathroom or kitchen floors) a bouncer does the trick.  And the little hanging toys can keep them entertained!

Hmm, now this pic makes me a little nervous...it looks like the bouncer could fall off the edge of the step!  I swear he was safe.

4. Play Saucer thingy.
Life saver for us.  My babe wanted to be standing from like 2 months old!  He loved being in that thing. We'd take it to lots of different rooms in the house and in front of windows, etc.  It was nice when I was cooking or doing dishes.

We used this when he was pretty small--we'd wad up blankets to stick around his torso, so he didn't bob back and forth.

5. Baby Carrier
SOOO nice for walks with an infant.  When it was chilly outside, I'd wear a big sweatshirt over me and the baby!  It doesn't really work to put a tiny, tiny baby in many types of strollers (they get all slumped down) so for my infant, I loved using a simple carrier that I could wear.  Plus, on hikes, carriers come in handy!  Unless you are cool with pushing a stroller up a mountain. :)

See Hayden?  He's on my back! :)

6. Stroller (maybe two!)
I like to keep a cheap little stroller folded up in the trunk of my car...has come in handy many times.  And a nice, bigger stroller with storage under is super useful (for longer strolling at the mall, fair, farmer's market, walk to the park, etc.)  I love that our stroller has a little tray in front, cause we could have lunch at the park, and he had a perfect little spot for me to put all his finger food! :)

All cozy in the big stroller.

7. Bassinet.
I did not want to walk down the hall every time I needed to calm my babe through the night, I wanted him within arm's reach!  After 3 or 4ish months my babe started rolling over, so we moved him into his crib in his own room.  (Too bad he still didn't sleep through the night for a while...darn reflux!  Sometimes I slept on a camping pad on the floor next to his crib.)  But, a bassinet was SURE handy for the first few months!

8. Update: I am adding, slick, plastic kind of bib with a pocket!  (Good point, Becca!)
These are the bomb. (You can see one of my son's in the pic above.)  I just rinse them off in the sink after a meal or two, and I never have to put them in the laundry!  They catch so much crap in the pocket that would end up on his clothes...and once when he started puking in the car, I used one of his bibs to catch the puke!  haha!  We pulled over when he was done, and I opened the door, and poured the puke right out of the pocket...easy peasy, no extra laundry!

9. White noise machine or small fan.
It's soothing for baby and cancels out noise enough that they can nap during the day without anybody else needing to worry about keeping their voices (or the tv/music volume) down.

Ps.  Most of these items we got from garage sales, Craigslist, hand-me-downs from my older sisters, or we borrowed them.

Things you really don't need:

1. Wipe Warmer
Um, why would you want your baby to get used to having warm wipes?  You can't take a wipe warmer and plug it in when you are out and about and gotta change a stinky...so, you use a cold one, and they pitch a fit.  Very unnecessary.  Cold wipes grow character!  They put the hair on baby's chest!

2. Shoes for an infant.
Unless your baby is a prodigy and walking around at two months, there's no need!  Socks, my friend. And while we're talking baby shoes, they don't EVER need expensive shoes.  Ever.  Toddlers either.  (I have gotten all of mine second hand, at a thrift store or a garage sale.)  They wear each pair for like two months, then they're out of them.  Let other people spend $30, then drop off the little Nikes at D.I.....where you'll be waiting.  And you'll pay $3 for barely worn shoes.  Bwahahaha!  Suckers.

3. Church clothes for tiny infants.
Seriously, just leave them in their pjs!  Nobody will think they are inappropriate.  And, half the time, they just stayed swaddled in your arms and in their car seat anyway, so nobody even sees what they are wearing!  Now, be sure to put your foot down when your husband also wants to wear footie pjs to church.  Sorry, hon.

But, Oh my gosh...I can't deny the absolute sweetness of a an older baby all dressed up fancy!  See how he's showin a little leg?  Scandalous.  He's such a tease!

4. Full-sized standing high chair
Now this is just a matter of preference, but we've used this booster seat since Hayden was eating solids (5ish months) and he still uses it!  (He's 2.) When he was smaller, we used the tray (which can be adjusted in and out and taken off completely) but now he just sits in the seat up at the table.  It doesn't take up any more space than a regular chair, cause it attaches to one.  The straps make it adjustable, so we can strap it on any chair...we've even strapped it to a folding camping chair!  Since it folds down and is SUPER portable, we take it on every out-of-town trip, (relatives often don't have a high chair on hand) potlucks, parties, dinners with friends, and even picnics.  (We've even just set it on the ground for him to eat in!)  This little chair has been perfect! :)  Plus, it's nice that there's no fabric to clean...sometimes, we just take it outside and hose it down.  Once, when Hayden puked all over during dinner we just unstrapped the seat from the chair underneath and carried it, baby and all, to the tub.

If you still prefer the full-sized standing chair, this style of a seat would be handy to keep in addition to your regular high chair for trips and outings.  It's also a good gift for grandparents, cause they can fold it down and keep it in a closet to pull out when grandkids come!

Hayden's first birthday!  He's so dang sweet, all serious and focused.  :) 

This is with the tray off...now he just eats right up at the table!  Or lounges at the table.  Ha!

5. Fancy Crib Bedding.
Get several fitted sheets and just swaddle your baby--they'll be safer anyway.  People will most likely give you blankets as gifts, so just use those when baby is a little bigger!  There's no need to spend a fortune on the frilly stuff, especially crib sets that come with puffy quilts that you won't use.  But, ya know, that's just my take on it. :)

Alright, now that I spouted off all of my opinions, what do you think?  Anything you totally disagree with?  Anything I missed?  And, please don't be offended if you LOVE your fancy baby bedding or faithfully warm the wipes...to each his (or her) own!  :)

Also, I'd love your take on the following products: I know many mommas think that swings were life-savers, but Hayden wanted to be bounced up and down---that calmed him--but the swing didn't, so I didn't use the one we were borrowing very much.  Did you love having a swing?

Oh, and I never ended up getting a Bumbo, but I think Hayden would have liked one.

And how about Boppys?  If your read my breast-feeding post, you know that nursing was a bust for me, but I loved using the homemade boppy pillow my mom made me when Hayden started sitting up!  Just plop his little bum down in the middle of it and he could tip over in most directions and not even get hurt!  Awesome.

Have any of you used the bassinet that hooks to the side of your bed?  They look pretty darn nice.  If you did, what did you think?  Like this "Mini Co-sleeper" bassinet?  I love that it keeps baby so close for night-time feedings (I hope that I can nurse my next!) but I wouldn't have to be paranoid about rolling over my baby all night, like I would be if I tried to co-sleep with him IN our bed. (I am a very deep sleeper and a thrasher.)  I'm thinking about trying this co-sleeper with baby numero dos!  But, I'd need to try to get it on sale...a little spendy!

SO friends, at the end of the day, this is what I found worked for my son.  Ever baby has their own preferences, and I'm sure my next babe will probably have a lot of differences from what worked with my first!  SO, figure out what products work for you and your babe...but, remember...you are not required to buy every fancy gadget on the baby market!  :)  Some products can really be lifesavers, and others end up being unnecessary crap that adds to the clutter.

Again, I'd love to hear your input!  What would you add to either list?  And, if you found this helpful, please Share or Pin for other new mommas!  Thanks. :)  If you're new to SOM, Welcome!  Like and Follow to join the party!  I swear, we talk about more around here than baby products. :)

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The Dream of Being a Mother

By DaNae
Introduced by Amy

DaNae is the younger sister of one of my best guy friends from all growing up.  She is easy-going, kind, and so fun to be around.  Even though I'm about 5 years older than her, I always loved hanging out with her at her brother's happenin' parties!  (You can tell I had a pretty hard core group of friends, since younger siblings were allowed to hang out with us while we watched movies and got wasted off of Sprite and M&M's.)  

Today, DaNae is sharing her struggle with infertility, and how she and her husband finally got the little baby they'd been waiting and praying for.  (Yay!)  Infertility has got to be such a lonely and devastating struggle--the hoping, waiting, then dissapointment over and over, while constantly seeing close friends, family members, strangers with little infants or pregnant bellies.  So many couples struggle silently; I'm so honored DaNae offered to open her heart and share her story with us.  
-Amy

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I have always dreamed of being a mother.  I remember a song I used to listen to when I was a little girl that said, “When I grow up, I want to be a mother, and have a family….”  I have 7 siblings, lots of cousins, and several nieces and nephews, so being a mother was something I looked forward to—I love kids.  But I also always thought in the back of my mind that I would have a challenge getting pregnant.

I got married April 10, 2010, to my best friend, Kevin Barnard.

I had completed one semester of college and so had he, so we decided we wanted to wait a while before trying to get pregnant.  We both felt very strongly that I should finish my college degree and figured that would be more doable without a little baby. Besides, we were both young (18 and 21), so we were not in a big hurry to start having babies—we wanted some time with just the two of us.

We went to school at BYU-Idaho, and it seemed like everyone there had babies!  So, I will admit, I got baby hungry at times.  Kevin and I decided it would be a good idea for me to go to school year-round, so that I could finish my degree faster.

After we had been married for a little over a year, we both felt it was time to go off birth control.  I still had one year left before I would graduate, but we figured that if we got pregnant immediately, we would make it work for those last few months of school with a baby.

I had always had irregular menstrual cycles, and had hopes that birth control may help regulate them.  I went off birth control in July of 2011, and at the end of November, we decided to go to the doctor since I had not yet had a period, and I also was not pregnant.

They did several tests, and came to the conclusion that for some reason, I did not ovulate.  So the Nurse Practitioner put me on Provera, a medicine to start a period, and then on Clomid, a fertility drug to {hopefully} help me ovulate.  I did this for three cycles, and did not ovulate once.  Waiting for those results each cycle seemed like an eternity!  Kevin and I knew we were moving in a couple months, so we decided to take a break from doctors for a bit and we would go to an Infertility Specialist when we moved.

I graduated in July of 2012, and we moved to Idaho Falls that month.  On September 20, we had our first appointment with the Infertility Specialist.  He said we would try Clomid one more time at the highest dose he was willing to give, and he also let us know that there was another fertility drug called Femara that we could also try if the Clomid did not work.  In the meantime, we were to get a Semen Analysis since we had not done so yet.

The same day that I got the results from the doctor that I did not ovulate on the Clomid, we also got the results of the Semen Analysis, and with those results found out that getting pregnant would be even harder than we thought.  The doctor told me that we could try Femara, and if I ovulated, the day of ovulation, we would have to do an IUI (IntraUterine Insemination).  We could try IUI’s three times, and if we did not have any luck, the next step would be In-Vitro Fertilization (which is much more expensive than IUI’s).  I was heartbroken.  But I had my husband by my side to help me through the heartbreak.

And guess what?  The Femara worked!  I ovulated, and had my first IUI in November of 2012, but it did not get me pregnant.  I started to lose hope, but knew that we had two more chances.  I took Femara again, and on December 28, 2012, our little boy was conceived via IUI.

The journey seemed so long, but it was nothing that I couldn’t handle without the love and support of family and friends, and most importantly, my husband.  On September 19, 2013, our healthy little Braxton boy was born.

Because we did not get pregnant right when we went off birth control, we got to do a lot of things we would not have otherwise done.  For one, my sister and brother-in-law took us to Disneyland with them!  I was able to graduate with my social work degree, and get licensed as a Social Worker.  I also got to work for one year in my field of study before our little guy was born.

And just before Braxton was born, Kevin got a job offer that made it so I could stay home with Braxton instead of continuing to work like we had originally planned.  Kevin only had to finish one last semester of school before he graduated when Braxton was born.  The timing could not have been better.

I believe that God had a hand in our journey to conception.  I believe that He knew when the timing would be right, and even though it was hard, we made it through.  And I would not trade Braxton or the wait we had to get him for the world.  I know that everyone who struggles with infertility has a different story, and my heart aches for those who do.  Please know that there is hope!  I have a good friend that has been able to have two children through adoption, and they are the cutest little kids.  And she is no less of a mother because she adopted.

Love, DaNae

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Yay!  Such a sweet little baby boy.  I am so happy for this family...I knew Kevin in high school too...they are both so kind and friendly--they pretty much make an amazing couple.  :)  Thank you, DaNae for sharing your story!

As a blog where we often talk about being moms, being preg, birthing babies, toddler rampages, etc...this may not be the easiest place for a lady who is dealing with infertility and I never want to be insensitive to her struggle.  I tried to clumsily express my feelings about this when I talked about expecting baby number two (when I had an obese, blood-clotted leg to go along with my pregnancy...ha) but, if you don't mind, I hope it's ok if I repeat myself to all you ladies who might be reading DaNae's post with a heavy heart cause you haven't gotten your happy ending yet:

"For those who are struggling with infertility, I hope this post isn't a slap to the face...though it probably is. :(  It is hard not to get super excited and want to blab all about having a baby on the way, but at the same time, I know that to some, it's like salt in a wound.  I've had a few close friends who struggled to be able to start a family, and they told me it is such a bitter hurt to hear that yet another one of your friends got easily pregnant.  I don't know what else to say, but I love you, and I sincerely and completely hope that you get the desire of your heart!  You will make a wonderful mother.  I don't understand why timing isn't always how we want it, especially when we are pleading with God for something that is so good and unselfish, like having a baby to care for and raise.  Don't lose hope!  I know many friends who struggled with infertility, who now are pregnant, have a baby, or even several kids!  And, I know others who have welcomed children into their home through adoption--what a beautiful way for yearning couples to finally receive the children they prayed for, while giving the children the chance for a family where they can be best cared for and loved!  So, there is hope!  Friends, just know that we love you and are praying for you."

We can never know what another is going through till we take time to listen and hear their story.  This also means that no one can understand OUR journey till WE can gather up the courage to share it! That's why I am so passionate about having a place for YOU to share your stories, so we can love and support each other in the bad times, and party together through the good! :) 

Didn't Zac Efron say it best?  "We're all in this together!"  

Um, sorry, was quoting High School Musical taking it too far?  Ha.

I love you swaggin ladies!  And, if you are new here at SOM, Welcome!  Take a look around, like us on Facebook, and/or join this site (both by clicking the happy little buttons on the side of the blog!) so you can hear more real-life stories from amazing ladies, like you! :)  We have a lot of fun around here. :)

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Oppa Preggie Style!

By Amy (Does my title make you think of a largely pregnant women doing the Ganghan style horsey trot thing?  haha..I'll have to try that when I'm 8 months and ginormous.  ...Or maybe not.)  

Thank you SOOO much for your love and support during my freak case of leg obesity! (Aka Deep Vein Thrombosis or DVT.)  The pain has subsided and the swelling has gone way down, all that's left is a cankle, an aching in my leg and my lovely twice-a-day shots.  I loved your encouragement and excitement for our news--in case you missed the story of my weird trip to the ER for a fat leg--I am indeed pregnant!  Numbero Dos is on the way!

When I find out I'm pregnant, I want to tell everybody like a crazy person, and it is TORTURE to wait...but it's smart to wait for a while.  I get that.  It's just, I have a BIG mouth with my own secrets.  I'm just so excited I want to tell everyone I love!  Which is a lot of people! :)  With this babe, I didn't know I was pregnant for a little while...I even took a pregnancy test right before my period was about to start, which the test told me I could, and got a big negative.  And then the next day, I was disappointed again, cause my period started ...or so I thought!!!  TMI, but with both pregnancies, I spotted at the beginning for a couple days, right on schedule with when my period should be, making me think "no baby" for a few days, till I'm like..."Wait a minute...my period never actually got going!"  And I'm scrambling to take a pregnancy test.  Except, we were in Star Valley, Wyoming for Christmas, and I didn't have any pregnancy tests with me!  So, for about 4 days, I KNEW.  But, I didn't want to tell Patrick or anyone, cause I didn't actually have proof.  Haha.

When we got home from Star Valley, I walked right into the house, straight to the bathroom and took the test.  And, sure enough...POSITIVE!!!  I walked out and held it right in front of Patrick's eyes and said, "I KNEW IT!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!" *insert maniacal, crazy person laugh...I was a little excited. :)  He just looked and then his eyes got wide, and he started smiling really big.  Haha...it was great, and really fun to totally catch him off guard, since he was still thinking I wasn't pregnant! :)  Then an hour later, I was going to my good friends baby shower.  Let me tell you, that was AGONY.  All the cutest baby clothes and gifts and all these ladies I love, and I'm right in the middle of the initial "just found out, and I'm SO DANG EXCITED"-ness, and everyone is talking about babies, babies, babies, and I wanted to just jump up on the couch and blurt out: I'MHAVINGABABYTOOOOOOOO!  Ha...but, with all of the self-control I could muster, I resisted.  

Now I am 11 weeks along.  Woo!  I'm SO fortunate cause I'm not a puker, I'm just a "I'm so insanely exhausted that my eyes and body are heavy and achy" kind of first trimester pregnant lady.  Every morning when Hayden wakes up between 7 and 7:45, I hear him moving around and I know the day has to begin, and I feel like my soul is being wrenched out of me...I actually feel sorrowful--like an exhausted, delirious, frustrated grief that my sleep is over.  I'm lucky cause Patrick usually gets Hayden out of bed and gets him changed.  Then, Hayden climbs up on me and says, "AWAKE!" right in my face till I get out of bed, groaning and moaning.  (Some of my college roommates may be thinking, "Ha, that's normal for you." :)  I'm NOT a morning person.)  Oh, and I've been napping during Hayden's naps when I usually blog.  Then, add the crazy blood clot fiasco on top of that, and I'm basically becoming Jabba the Hut, cause I'm too tired and achy to move very much.  Plus, it's like the dang arctic tundra in Idaho right now (lots of schools in the area cancelled today for extreme cold...negative 20 or colder!), and my toddler and I are getting a little cabin fevery.  Yes, we both threw a fit today.  Well, he threw many, but I only threw one.  And then I put myself in time-out.  

But, I am feeling better every week and I am elated that Hayden will get a sibling, (cause my siblings are some of my greatest friends in this world) and I am so excited to grow our family.  (Psst...secret: I really hope we have a girl this time. :)  But, of course we'll be happy boy or girl! )  

The pickle boy!  With a kid this cool, how could I not want another!? :)

I'm a little less ignorantly-blissful about having an infant this time, cause Hayden was an easy pregnancy, a smooth delivery, but a HARD baby.  I now know what I could be in for.  And this time around, I will also have a toddler running around when I'm caring for an infant!  But, I also feel less scared for the whole labor, delivery part, and I think I'll be a bit more relaxed with an infant.  I'm no longer a first-timer.  :)  If you haven't seen it, you have to see this Coca-Cola commercial about having a second kid...I laughed and cried!  This is SOOO Patrick and I. :)  Hahaha...

A rare quiet moment with Hayden....Mmmmm,  I think I'm ready for this again...

I loved hearing about your transitions from one kiddio to two!  You made me feel a lot less scared.  I am full of optimism that all will go well, this crazy bloodclot will stop being ridiculous, and that we will become a family of four come August!  

PS. I'd love to hear, how are your pregnancies?  Sick the whole time?  Feel great?  Are you one of those ladies who are cross-fitting till 9 months?  Are you puking your guts out?  (You poor thing!)  Anybody else so tired they fall asleep sitting up at 8 at night?  Did you get light-headed during the day?  Weird cravings?  I'm craving Papa Murphy's hawaiian pizza, but that isn't really just a pregnancy thing...haha.  Oh, I have scarfed a bunch of Hayden's fruit snacks.  They are SOOO good.

PSS.  For those who are struggling with infertility, I hope this post isn't a slap to the face...though it probably is.  :(  It is hard not to get super excited and want to blab all about having a baby on the way, but at the same time, I know that to some, a post like this is like salt in a wound.  I've had a few close friends who struggled to be able to start a family, and they told me it is the most bitter hurt to hear that yet another one of your friends got easily pregnant.  I don't know what else to say, but I love you, and I sincerely and completely hope that you get the desire of your heart!  You will make a wonderful mother.  I don't understand why timing isn't always how we want it, especially when we are pleading with God for something that is so good and unselfish, like having a baby to care for and raise.  Don't lose hope!  I know many friends who struggled with infertility, who now are pregnant, have a baby, or even several kids!  We love you and are praying for you! :)

Love you all, from your cankle-icious friend! 

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I Almost Died from Leg Obesity

By Amy

I have been a bum as of late.  Really.

But I have a darn good reason for my lack of blog posts, my 5 extra pounds, and my general hermit-ness.  And, as always, I can't just tell you the reason, I gotta tell you the WHOLE story. :)

First of all....Drumrolllllll....I am big with child!  Baby numero dos is on it's way, and we are so excited and grateful for another little babe to hold and love!  :)

So, my first tri definitely accounts for some of my extreme exhaustion, lack of energy, and general bum-ness.  (But, I am dang lucky cause I'm not a puker.)

But, it wasn't just pregnancy that caused me to spend the past week laying on the couch.

About a week ago, I woke up and my leg was feeling reallly weird.  And I kept getting lightheaded.  It was a Sunday morning, and my husband was off at a leadership meeting before church.  So, I went into survival mode...I'm laying on the floor of my toddler's room, with the door shut so he can't escape, and I feel like death.  Meanwhile, my son joyfully pelts me with toys, and I'm moaning, "Momma's SICK! NO THROWING BOOKS!"...and other pleasant things like that.  Well, after an hour of that, Patrick gets home, and opening the door to Hayden's bedroom, was a little concerned to see me, a pale-faced rag doll surrounded by toys, slabbed out on the floor.  Hayden was having a good old time, but I was a wreck.  So, I tell him, "I feel like crap.  Here's our son." or something like that.  I head into the bathroom, and I think, "Ok, I probably shouldn't stand up in the shower, so I'll take a nice bath so I'm clean for church."  (But, I did not end up going.)  I get in the tub, and see..

UM, OH MY GOSH MY LEG IS PURPLE.

And huge too.  Not both, just one...my left leg.

I wrapped in a towel and went to show Patrick.  He was worried and said, "Um, that's not good.  That could be a blood clot."  (Hooray for having a smartie husband who has some medical knowledge!)

So I went and took my bath, staring and laughing at the absurdity of my leg the whole time, and when I'm dry and dressed, we call our neighbor to come have a look (he's a physical therapist) and he and Patrick decide that I need to go to the Urgent Care.  We get there, (I'm still feeling woosy) and the doctor looks at my leg for like 2 seconds and says, "You need to go to the ER for an ultrasound of your leg."  So, then we're driving to the ER, and I'm begging Patrick to go to the house to get me some of the left-over Papa Murphy's Hawaiian pizza, which is calling to me from the fridge, cause I know that it could take a while at the ER.  (It was about noon by now and preg ladies get HUNGRY...and sure enough, I ended up only getting a couple of graham crackers till 6:00 pm)  But, he looked worried at me again and said, "No, we need to go to the ER right now."

So, we get there and they do an ultrasound and it turns out that I did indeed have a clot.  So I ask the doc, "Where's the clot?"  And he says, "It stretches from your mid-calf up to your inferior vena cava in your abdomen,"  Oh GREAT.  I have clotted, cottage cheese blood, going all the way up my leg.  I was picturing like this little clot somewhere, not veins that are all chunked up from calf to waist!  Sickkkkk, I wanted to vomit.

Well, long story short, I was put on blood thinner shots that I now have to take twice a day for the rest of my pregnancy, and every pregnancy after this.  Apparently, the increase of progesterone during pregnancy can cause blood clots, but it usually doesn't happen until the end of the pregnancy, and I was only 8 1/2 weeks.  But, it can also cause miscarriages if not found.  And obviously, I could have died, if a chunk of the clot had broken off and gone to my lungs.  So I feel extremely grateful and fortunate that

A. we still have a baby safe and growing inside me, and
B. I am still ALIVE!

So I got a 24 hour vacation in the hospital, where I got to order tons of food from the cafeteria (contributing to the 5 pounds gained...the strawberry shortcake was AMAZING) hang out with my hub, read books, and watch movies while my awesome parents played with Hayden at home.  (It's so nice to live only 45 minutes from parentals!)  Once I got home, the pain really set in, and my leg, which was a ginormous hard-as-a-rock sausage, stayed swollen.  I had a lot of pain in my groin and leg for almost a week, and standing on my feet would become unbearable.  So I was a bum on the couch and my mom, then my mother-in-law helped out a ton, along with kind friends that we know from church who sent dinners, texts, little gifts, and generally made me feel loved. :)

Chilling with my babe on the couch, my new favorite spot.  I prop up my leg and I'm good!

I'm feeling much better; now I only have a slightly fatter leg and a limp.  Oh and a GLORIOUS cankle.  Hahaha....hahaha... I love looking at it--my foot is SO pudgy.  I took some pics, but they don't do justice.

This is a week later...I wish I had a good one from the day of!  It was much bigger.  My leg had no curves, it just looked like a cylinder!

hahahaha...I love the cankle!  

While I was in the hospital, I had some time that I was alone, while Patrick went to check on Hayden, put him to bed, and get some stuff for me. (Ha, including some of the Hawaiian pizza in the fridge...even a near-death experience didn't put that out of my mind!)  My Dad and hub had just given me a priesthood blessing (a special prayer given though the inspiration and direction of the Spirit by those who hold the priesthood authority)  The blessing was beautiful and comforting, but still, my mind was racing with the doctor's words.  I wondered, "Are we only going to get to have two kids?  Will I have to use blood thinners for the rest of my life?  Can I really give myself a shot twice a day for the next 7 months?" And, worst of all, I started imagining what would happen if I died.  I wasn't really scared of the idea that I could have died...honestly I feel like I've lived the best I could and I figure a blood clot to the lung would be a quick death (I'm morbid, I know)...but I didn't want Hayden to lose his momma or Patrick to lose his wife.  I know I'm not the perfect wife or mother, but dang it, I love them so much and I am theirs and they are mine.  And I am not ready to leave yet.  I want a full life with them and my unborn baby needs me to live so that he or she can be born and come into this messy, crazy, beautiful world.

All this was racing through my head, and I start really crying for the first time that day.  Fear and doubt threatened to overwhelm me.  Laying in my quiet hospital room, hooked up to IVs and monitors, I prayed for peace and guidance from the Lord, and tried to focus on the words of my blessing.  Soon, I was able to be calm and return to faith.  I knew that God still wanted me here.  And the rest, my hub and I would just take as it came.

Oh and another blessing: one of the nurses on the floor that night had also gone through blood clots while pregnant.  It happened with her third baby, who is now a happy little kid!  She was so kind and helped me laugh and relax about the stupid shots.  She doesn't work that often, so I was grateful for a loving Father who kindly made that happen.  Not a coincidence, peeps.  That's how He works: he doesn't stop bad things from happening, cause like any good parent, he knows that the trials of life are part of the learning experience.  They shape us and help us to become better, stronger, and more compassionate people.  But, He constantly sends us little tender mercies to help us find joy and hope, even when the going gets rough.  I thought it was extra sweet of Him to send me such a cool nurse who knew exactly what I was going through.  :)

So for about two months, until the clots can be absorbed by my body (gross, huh? Bodies are so weird...) I'll have some swelling and pain, and I can't do anything high impact, like running. (HA...yeah right, I hate running, even when I'm not an exhausted preggie.)

So, the shots suck.  I start and end everyday with dread, but luckily, Patrick usually does it for me, so I can look away.  I CAN do it though...I've poked myself three times now.  :)  And, I now have a belly covered in bruises and little poke holes, but heck I already had stretch marks, so it's not like I own a bunch of bikinis that I now need to throw out!  Ha!  It will all be worth it to get baby safely here.

Well, there's my goofy tale.  I'm grateful that I didn't die from my sudden leg obesity and I'm grateful for family and friends, including an amazing hub, who love and support me.

Ahhh, love him.  

And, I am grateful for the little babe with the steady swish-swish heartbeat growing inside of me. :)   Life is good! :)

So mommas...tell me what I can expect!  Was it hard going from one child to two?  And, anybody else experience blood clots in pregnancy?  If so, I need to hear from you! :)

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Finding Healing and Hope: Sherie's Experience of Having a Stillborn Baby

By Sherie
Introduced by Amy

I am so humbled and grateful that my sister, Sherie, agreed to tell the story of her first child, Jana, here on SOM.  I was 14 when Jana was born.  I hope for those who have also experienced losing a baby, that Sherie's story will help you feel less alone.  And for those of us who haven't experienced this, I hope it will bring you, like it did me, a better understanding of how to reach out to those we love in their sorrow.  Everyone has different ways that they grieve as well as different beliefs about life and death and faith; this is Sherie's story.
-Amy

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My husband and I were expecting our first baby the beginning of April 2002 and were very excited.  We got the nursery ready, had a baby shower and I filled my days with preparing and planning.  We decided not to find out the gender to add to the surprise.  All of my check-ups were normal and everything was going great.  Late one night when I was 38 weeks, I began to have contractions and went to the hospital as they got stronger.  I was admitted and hooked up to the monitors watching my contractions and the baby’s heart.  I remember like it was yesterday as I watched her heart rate.  I saw it drop from the healthy range down to 40 beats a minute, then to zero… Before I could react, the nurse came in and tried everything to get the baby’s heart rate back on the monitor – moving my position numerous times and even scratching the top of the baby’s head, but nothing worked.  She called in my doctor and he did an ultrasound on the baby’s heart.  It was completely still.  I was quickly wheeled into the operating room and they began to prep for an emergency c-section.  In five minutes time we went from everything looking good to facing the worse possible outcome.  I remember turning to Austin and with shock and devastation on my face then feeling the searing pain of the first incision just before I went out.  The next thing I remember was coming out of anesthesia and hearing Austin on the phone with his mom.  It was then I learned we had a girl.  I heard him say that she wasn’t breathing on her own and wasn’t doing well.  I tried to internalize this for a minute before opening my eyes.  A few hours later I was able to see her in the NICU.  She looked perfect – weighed 7 lb. 4 oz, lots of dark hair, a beautiful little face.  She was unconscious and her chest was rising and falling sporadically – trying to breath normally, but not able to do so.  Hours later, that stopped and she never moved again.  At this point I still held out hope that she would make it out okay – maybe have some physical or mental problems, but live.  Shortly after our doctor informed us, through his tears, that she had no brain activity.  Machines were keeping her little body alive, but she was gone.  We were absolutely devastated.  Almost all of our immediate family came from Idaho and Colorado to see her the following day.  That evening my husband and I were able to hold her in the NICU with our family looking on.  A few hours later in a private room, we held our little angel, then let her pass.  We named her Janna.

We held a viewing and funeral service for her a few days later.  The chapel was completely full of fellow church members, family, and even a few of the staff from the hospital.  The words said about God’s plan, life after this, and eternal families were so good, but at the time I could only focus on the fact that my baby was gone from me.

What was/is the hardest part of losing Jana?

It was so hard looking forward to a baby, with all the planning and preparing and excitement that comes, then going home empty-handed.  Later, I was grateful I didn’t have older children that would be grieving as well.  After recovering physically, I didn’t have anything to do because I had only planned to take care of our baby.  I really wanted to do something for her – I wasn’t able to bathe her, change her, dress her, and as her mother, needed to do something.  I decided to make a photo book and spent hours meticulously working on it.  I included pictures of her, cards that were given to us, scriptures and sayings that brought me comfort.  The nurses were kind to give us anything that they could from the hospital – the blanket that she used, her onesie, the tape and cords that monitored her vitals, a stuffed animal.  They had even made casts of her feet and hands, which I love.  I keep all of these in a special box.  The book was very therapeutic for me.  Not only in making it, but looking through it often during the first year and now on her birthday and to share with my children.  I also wrote the whole experience in my journal which took over two weeks.  It was so helpful to get all of my feelings out - the disappointment, sorrow, but also joy in being a mom even if I had to wait to care for our baby.  I cried all over the pages which are wrinkly from my tears.  I went to the cemetery often in the beginning.  When I went running, I would stop by there and spend a few minutes letting out a little more grief.

What helped? What brought you comfort?

A biggest source of comfort was and is my knowledge of life after this and having faith in Heavenly Father’s plan.  Many times I felt the presence of angels comforting us and our families, bringing peace, and holding us up.  Especially the night we let her go and we were left alone in our hospital room, I expected to feel overwhelming pain, but instead felt incredible peace and contentment.  I knew she was in God’s hands and I would be with her again.  I also held on to the promise we have of being sealed as a family forever through covenants we’ve made in our temple.  The sentiment “Live to hold me again” became meaningful as well as this poem which I quickly memorized and repeated often to myself.

Little hands held in mine -
Sweet, tender touch!
 So brief the time
Thy gift of love was given me
Before those hands returned to Thee.

 Dear Savior, hear my heartfelt prayer.
Keep them safe within Thy care
Until the time thy gift can be –
Those Little Hands restored to me.
                             Georgia Jensen Blosil

It was incredible the amount of love our family and friends showed us.  We received flowers, cards, phone calls, little notes, letters, food.  Something came every single day for a month after.  It’s really hard to go back to “normal life” when your life will never feel normal again.  When people acknowledge that and make sure you know, in any way, that they are thinking and praying for you, it is so appreciated.  I had ups and downs during the following months (and year) and these acts of kindness made it easier to bear.  A month after, one woman that I didn’t even know well that lived close by brought me a big box of icecream sandwiches and just gave me a hug and said eat them when I needed them!  It was perfect.

What would you say to mothers who have also lost a baby, whether during pregnancy or later?

Find something you can keep to remember, treasure, and share with others – a book, a toy, a blanket, pictures.  It’s so nice to have something physical to hold and look at – especially years later.

Be patient with your grieving and let yourself feel what you need to so you can begin to heal.  There will be times when you feel okay and happy and times when you feel the pain acutely – it’s okay and normal.  I know women who already have children then have some type of baby loss (miscarriage, stillbirth, crib death) might feel guilty that they’re feeling so much pain when they have other healthy children.  Whether it’s your first or tenth child, it will always hurt to lose one in any way and you shouldn’t add unwarranted guilt to what you’re already going through.  After I had our second baby, the first week she was home I cried every night realizing what I really missed with Janna.  I started to feel guilty, as if I wanted my first baby more than my second, but then knew it wasn’t true and it was just a part of the healing process.  Also don’t dwell on ‘what ifs’.  It’s easy to fall into a depression thinking of all the things you could have done differently and wonder if it somehow was your fault – those type of thoughts are natural to have, but if dwelt upon, can be impede healing, add more pain, and usually are completely ungrounded.  We never know exactly what caused our baby’s death (decided against an autopsy) and when ‘what ifs’ began to creep in, I reminded myself I didn’t do anything wrong during my pregnancy and it was just something that happened – and to focus on healing.

And try to be patient with people around you – I knew it was awkward for some and a few comments were hurtful even though they weren’t meant to be.  People might offer advice that is terrible or not their business – obviously they don’t understand, but keep in mind they were trying to helpful.  Don’t let it bother you.  It’s better to recognize their good intentions and be grateful for it than allowing in more pain by their thoughtless comment.

Take care of yourself – emotionally, physically.  Spend some time with people you can talk to and get away to do something fun!  It’s okay to be happy and have fun when you’re ready.

What would you say to those mothers who haven't lost a child?  What would you want them to know?

Be careful what you say about your own kids around others.  I remember hearing someone say, “She cries so much at night, I can’t stand it!” and thinking to myself, what I would give to have a baby keeping me up at night.  I know we can’t be positive all the time and getting little sleep is definitely hard, but be sensitive to those around you and be a little more grateful for your baby “problems”. ☺ You never know what others are going through in their desire to have children.

How can women reach out to their friends/relatives when they lose a baby?

Don’t ignore it and act like it didn’t happen.  I thought about our baby constantly and only after a year did I feel like I wasn’t in constant mourning.  I ALWAYS appreciated it when people brought it up – even though I would end up crying most of the time, it was so good to know people were aware plus it was therapy for me to talk about it.  It wasn’t as if I forgot about it and when someone brought it up, THEN I hurt.  The pain was already there and to know someone was aware of it and was concerned meant a lot.  And just like a new mom does, I WANTED to talk about my beautiful girl!  When they didn’t ask how I was or say something, it told me they didn’t care enough to risk a few uncomfortable moments if I got emotional or if they didn’t know exactly what to say.  I know it’s hard to know what to say, because nothing can “fix it”.  But I wasn’t looking for a solution - just to know others were with me in my grieving and cared enough to let me know.

Do something, ANYTHING to show you love them, are thinking of them, and hurt for them.  A hug, a note, dinner, a letter, flowers, take their kids for an evening, go to the park with them so you can talk – ANYTHING is so appreciated.  And it doesn’t have to be right away – their loss will be there for weeks and months to come.  Someone from our church brought me a very sweet Mother’s Day card over two months later.  A family member sent a kind letter four months after – it was wonderful to get something after the cards and calls stopped and flowers were thrown out.  After the initial after-math, continue asking how they’re doing.  Also remember important dates and do something – even just bringing it up in conversation.  If it was a miscarriage, remember the day they miscarried and their initial due date.  It’s so nice knowing others are right there with you as you struggle with the hard days.   I love when people have remembered my baby’s birthday – sent a card, an e-mail, or just said something.  A friend I hadn’t seen in years sent me a birthday card for my baby on her third birthday.  I was so touched she had remembered and took the time to send it, I was crying before I had it open.

How did you find hope to move forward and try for another baby after losing Janna?

I was very concerned about our next baby, especially not knowing Janna’s cause of death.  I wanted to get pregnant soon and was able to a few months later.  I knew though even if our next baby didn’t live, I wouldn’t regret having it.  After much prayer and promptings from my Heavenly Father, by the end of my pregnancy I felt peace that this baby would be healthy.  Our second girl was born three days after our Janna’s birthday - bald and perfect.

How do you talk to your kids about Janna?  Do you have any traditions or things that you do to remember her?

We’ve talked to our kids a lot about Janna.  We get out her book and things on her birthday and talk about it.  My kids are very open about her, which I think is important because she’s a member of our family just as much as they are.  I don’t mind if they tell their friends or bring her up when people ask how many kids are in our family.  I don’t include her in the number because it makes it awkward and confusing for the other person, but I know others who do include children they’ve lost – which is fine too.  I have a ring that I wear that has her birthstone – an aquamarine – and also had her name inscribed on the inside.  On her birthday, we visit her grave and bring flowers.  We’ve also started bringing balloons and releasing them together.  Our kids think it’s a fun way to “celebrate” her birthday and imagine they go up to heaven.

Sherie with Mia, her 6th baby.

It took me about five years before I had more feelings of joy and gratitude when thinking about our angel baby, than pain and sorrow.  Since then we’ve been blessed with five other children, which has filled the emptiness of my arms. ☺

I’m grateful now for opportunities to share our experience with those who have suffered similar losses and hopefully help them in their pain.

We love knowing we have a special connection to heaven.
-Sherie

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Sherie, thank you for opening your heart to us.  Isn't she so loving and strong?

I hope it's ok to offer my perspective as a 14-year-old when Jana was born.  Not that my sadness would in any way compare to Sherie's grief as a mom, but losing a child effects family and friends too.

I remember waiting through the school day, watching other kids laughing and chatting, while I sat with a sick knot in my stomach, knowing that my parents drove through the night to be with my sister and her new baby.  I kept telling myself that babies sometimes have a hard time when they are born, they spend a while in the NICU, but they end up fine.  We drove the 4 hours to Provo with my grandparents after school....most of the rest is a blur.  

I remember little vivid snatches of time: first seeing my sister sitting in her hospital bed, with her husband Austin sitting next to her, with his arms around her--the shock when I saw their faces and finally realizing how real this was and that it wasn't just all going to be ok.  I couldn't fathom the depth of her grief.  She looked so fragile.  I had never seen my strong, sassy, funny big sister like that.  Everyone else was crying, hugging, and talking to them...but I didn't know what to do.  Hug her?  Ask her if she was ok?  Of course she wasn't.  I ended up running out of the room to bawl in the hall.  It hurt so bad, why was this happening to them?  I knew how excited and prepared my sister was to be an amazing mother, but now, her hope was being snatched away. 

I remember standing at little Janna's bedside, looking at her in the NICU bed with all of those tubes.  And, I am not exaggerating--Jana was the most beautiful newborn baby I have ever seen.  Just perfect, like a porcelain doll.  I remember seeing my brother-in-law with his arms around my sister at the funeral--like they were sheltering each other.  And going back to their house with all the red-eyed, somber extended family, and walking into the nursery filled with little baby blankets and clothes and a crib, that all needed to be packed away.  Jana was the much-anticipated first grandchild of my parents and my first niece or nephew...in that home, the sadness was so heavy.  Everyone ached for this good, young couple that we loved so much.  But, we could also feel God's love so strong!  His love carried my sister and bro-in-law thorough this time, and lifted our whole families.  Even though Jana only lived a day, she touched many lives.

I was so amazed to see my sister and her husband strengthen and hold each other through this trial. They chose to let this experience bring them closer to God and to reach out to others in compassion, rather than becoming bitter and closed off.  For myself, I remember as a 14 year old, this experience brought me my first strong experience of feeling that God was holding and lifting me.  I remember pleading with Him to provide a miracle, then feeling the peace He gives when He has to assure us that He loves us and is there to carry us, but He can't answer our prayer in the way we desire. 

Also, isn't it nice to get practical ideas for how to reach out when a friend is grieving for a child?  I feel so helpless as to how I could do or say anything that could help!  But it's nice to know that all we need to do is show love and be there for them.  And that is desperately needed.  

Have you ever lost a baby? (miscarriage, still-born, or after birth)  If you'd like to share, we'd love to hear from you in the comments.  It can mean so much to tell their story.  Has someone close to you lost a baby?  How did you help?

If this post meant something to you, please SHARE!  There are so many moms who silently grieve for their lost babies and so many others who desperately wonder how they can help and Sherie's story could mean so much to them.  We love you, mommas!

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We talk about real stuff, the important stuff...but, we have also lot of fun around here too! :)
-Amy

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