Coconut Oil...and other Hippie Beauty Secrets.

By Amy

Hey friends!  Remember when we talked about skin woes (as well as other beauty insecurities)?  If you read my gut-spilling crappy skin post, you know that I have had problem skin for about 13 years now.  Ugh.  I expected it to go away when I escaped my teenage years, but Noooooo....my face has still been misbehaving well into my 20's and up to my current age of almost 28.  But.  The fabulous news?  Just like when I was pregnant with Hayden, my skin becomes GLORIOUS during my 2nd trimester!!!  (Cue singing angels!)

IT IS AWESOME.

I feel so much more confident when I'm not worried about my blotchy, spotty skin.  Those who have great skin, please appreciate it!  That's what I'm doing right now. :)  I'd much rather have the visa versa--generally great skin and then deal with a couple months of breakout during each pregnancy--but, hey I'll take any clear skin my face wants to give me!

But, rewind about 7 months, and I was quite bugged with my skin.  I just freakin' wanted it to be clear.  Seriously, is that so much to ask, you adolescent, temperamental face?  *ahem*  Sorry.  Anyway, one thing I tried was coconut oil.

Have you ever heard of Oil Cleansing?  I first read about it on The Healthy Diaries after a super cool blog friend gave me the heads-up. (She uses this method!)  Back in November and December, I decided to try Oil Cleansing, since nothing else has completely worked on my face.  My reasoning: "If my skin already sucks, why not try something new?  What's the worst that could happen?  My face will break out?  Oh wait, it already is."  Here's the general gist of oil cleansing: we commonly dry out our acne prone skin waaaay too much with harsh acne cleansers.  So, our sensitive, crazy skin keeps breaking out.  But, if we can return the skin's natural balance by nourishing and cleansing it with a gentle, natural oil, then our skin can heal and produce the right amount of oil on it's own...which will result in less breakouts!  At first, it seemed totally crazy talk to me--add more oil to a broken out face.  But, the skin on my face often feels tight and peels sooo much, I wondered if I really was aggravating and over-drying my skin by using my Proactiv face wash.

So, sceptically, I gave it a go.  I first tried Extra Virgin Olive Oil mixed with a small amount of Castor Oil.  Hmmm, my skin felt soft afterwards, but I didn't really like the feel of putting the olive oil on my face...it was too heavy of an oil.  But I used it for a week anyway.  A few days in, my pores were realllly clogged.  Yuck.  Now, some will say, "Oh but you didn't stick with it for long enough!"  But, I hated the feel of it, so the clogged pores really just seconded my first opinion.  I decided I needed to try a different oil.

Next, I tried Coconut oil...Organic and unrefined.  It's kinda strange stuff...it's got this weird, crisco like texture when it's solid, then becomes liquid when it's warm.

This is how I've been using it:

Right after my shower, when my skin is still damp, I use a q-tip to take a tiny amount of oil and put it on the palm of my hand, then I kind of mix it with my finger till it becomes warm and liquid.  Then I put it on my face--a small amount goes a LONG way!

I LOVED how the coconut oil felt.  Oh my heck.  It felt silky, not greasy.  Wow.  I used the coconut oil in this way for about 2 months.  At first, my amounts of breakouts were about the same as normal. though the general feel of my skin was much better--it felt soothed, instead of tight, if that makes sense. Alas, after a few weeks, it still wasn't a miracle cure.  I still was breaking out.  In fact, I noticed that my pores were a bit more clogged than normal.

But, then when I hit my second tri, my skin became glorious--no more breakouts!...and suddenly, I realised that this had become a flawed experiment.  How could I judge if my result was caused by my face finally becoming balanced or if the pregnancy hormones were the miracle workers?  Funny thing: even though my skin wasn't breaking out, I still had clogged pores!  Yuck.  Which made me sad, cause I so wanted the coconut oil to be that answer to all my crappy-skin prayers, since I loved how it felt! I finally decided that I don't want those clogged pores, especially since my skin is SOOO nice otherwise. I want to enjoy my 2nd tri face!  :)

So.  Back to the drawing board.  I want to try an oil next that is even lighter, for the sake of my pores....I've heard sesame oil is really good for breakout prone skin.  And since I tried the three oils that are super easy to get, I'll probably have to look online to try any other oils.

In the meantime, I am using a very light moisturizer that my sister-in-law recommended: Nivea Firming Lotion.  I really like it so far!  And, maybe if my skin stays happy even after babe comes, then I'll just stick with that.

But, what to do with a big jar of coconut oil?  I already tried to use it as a makeup remover for my eyes--um, no thank you.  It is supposed to be wonderful for the skin around the eyes, which I bet it is!  It's said to reduce the fine crinkles...which are now creeping in on me....but, when I use it, even if I used it the night before and wash it off well with soap and water in the morning, my mascara and eyeliner are smudy under my eyes all day.  That stubborn small amount of greasiness that seems to stick around for two days, makes it impossible to keep eye makeup in place.  Equaling racoon eyes.  No thanks.  Avril Lavigne can keep that look.

So with my coconut oil on hand, I decided to try another beauty fad...Oil Pulling!  Here is an Oil Pulling link from Design Mom.  Have you heard of it?  It's totally weird, but lots of people swear by it, (people who I would consider non-extreme) so I thought, what the heck!  Basically, you swish oil in your mouth, through your teeth, back and forth, for 20 minutes.  Then you spit the oil into the trash, so it doesn't clog your drain.  This is supposed to be great for your teeth and gums--they say it pulls toxins out of your saliva, more efficiently gets into those tiny nooks and crannies of your teeth, and helps your mouth be healthy and clean.  Also, they say it whitens your teeth.  SO, I wanted to try it!  Why not, right?  It's cheap and all natural, so it can't do any harm.

I especially wanted to try it, because I'd like whiter teeth, but the two times I've tried Crest Whitestrips, my teeth were so sensitive the next day, I felt like I was CONSTANTLY biting into a hunk of ice cream.  To those who deal with cold-sensitive teeth, you know how evil and torturous that would be!   And I felt like that ALL DAY!  No good.  So, if only for the benefit of whiter teeth, I wanted to try oil pulling.

About a week ago, I took the plunge.  I put a small spoonful of coconut oil in my mouth (but remember, it's solid till it warms up in your mouth, so I had a mouth full of grainy crisco) and after holding it in my mouth for about 3 seconds, I started gagging and coughing it into the garbage.  It was soooo gross.  I'm such a dope--I should have known!  Since I'm pregnant, I gag WAY easily right now, especially from textures.  And that texture was Not Good.  *shudder*

But, I tried it again this morning, and tried NOT to think about the fact that I was swishing a mouth full of oil and spit.  "I'm cool, I'm cool...No big deal," I told myself, then popped a spoonful in my mouth and hopped into the shower.  My goal was to make it 10 minutes and...I made it 11!  Wahoo!  So, nothing magical happened, no organic rainbows and unicorns burst forth from my suddenly perfectly whitened smile... (ha..I"m kidding...I know I only did it once, and only for 10 minutes!) but I'm going to keep trying it out.  I still am going to brush...some oil pullers totally quit brushing and flossing!  I plan to keep trying the oil first thing in the morning, then brush right after.  Cause, I've been brushing for forever, ya know?  I'd feel way too nast if I just didn't brush.

So, friends...how about you!?  Have you ever tried oil cleansing or oil pulling?  If so, I'd love to hear about your experience!  Awesome or over-hyped?  Do you have any other funky beauty habits to share?  It's fun to hear about. :)  OH...and anyone else have dramatic changes in their skin during pregnancy?  Or have a physco gag reflex?  Ha...pregnancy is weird.

Peace!

Update: So I washed my face before going to bed after writing this, and felt I needed to amend...maybe "glorious" was a bit strong for wording.  But, it's glorious to me!  But, hey--I have low standards after 10+ years of bad skin.  :)  It is by no means a flawless, baby skin, rose-petal complexion.  I still have the little bumpy forehead stuff.  But, it's still pretty darn clear over all!  Ha...just didn't want any person who read this to see me in real life and go, "Umm....that's glorious, huh?" :)

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The Secret Life of an International Model

By Amy (Interview with Andrea)

So, I have a cousin who is an international model...NBD.  :)

(*photo sources: all from Andrea, with a couple by me.)

Andrea is a couple years younger than me...I grew up hangin out with her and her older sister, Melanie,
playing in my family's treehouse, having sleep-overs, eating delicious food at Grandma's house, and dance partying!  Andrea always let me do her makeup (I LOVE doing other people's makeup!!) and then pose her in ridiculous clothes to take pics, so I have the distinction of producing her first photo shoots...haha! :)

I took this in my family's treehouse!  Isn't that vest awesome?!  Hahaha

Ice Princess! (before Elsa.) A fancy photo shoot with my dramatic makeup...oh my gosh, the blue tear lines kill me! :)

Last November/December Patrick, Hayden, and I stayed with her family for 6 weeks while Patrick had a clinical in Utah.  My son was constantly wandering into her room looking for "Andwia!" and I got to try yoga for the first time, since Andrea is an avid yogi. (I still can't believe I did yoga with her for an HOUR AND A HALF!...I thought I would be bored out of my skull, but it was actually both relaxing and challenging!)

Andrea had her birthday while we were staying with them...

See, it's the world traveler birthday cake!  I frosted the continents!  Haha...did you know that I majored in art and minored in Geography?! 

When we were across-the-hall-roommies, I loved asking her about all of her modeling adventures, since that whole scene is pretty much a mystery to me.  (I don't usually read fashion magazines since they often promote photoshopped, unrealistic versions of beauty, therefore, I'm pretty clueless about the fashion industry!)  It was pretty intriguing to get her "behind the scenes" stories.  Parts sound super fun, but other stories made me totally cool with not being "model material." (in other words, I am not 6 foot and size zero...which Andrea naturally is!) :)  As Andrea told me, modeling is not all good and it's not all bad.  There are many who demonize everything about it, and generalize that every model is anorexic and sick (which isn't true.)  However she is quick to say that the industry isn't all glamourous and that there definitely are some unhealthy expectations.  

After hearing all these intriguing stories, I thought it would be fun to interview Andrea so I could share her thoughts with you!  Here she is!
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How did you start modeling?

Being a long skinny girl my whole life, people would always tell me I should be a model.  Only in my dreams did I think it would ever actually happen.  A boy who grew up across the street from me became a photographer and asked if I would model for him.  After that shoot, I knew I wanted to pursue it.

So, how does it work?  Who hires you and how do you get jobs?

I have a different agency in every country I work in.  Companies/clients contact agencies, then hold castings to decide which girl/girls they want to hire.

Are most models part-time?  Cause you take breaks...like right now, you're working at an elementary school, right?

There are many different types of models.  Personally, I am based out of Utah but don't work as a model here.  Right now, I'm working as an aid in a cluster unit at an elementary school.  I am also a shoot director/stylist for an online retailer.  I usually hire myself as the model too!  When I go to a country to model, (I pay for my airplane tickets) it's full time for 2-3 months at a time.  Some weeks I could work 7 days, some I could work only 3.  It all depends on how many jobs I book.

Where have you traveled for modeling?

I have gotten to work in Korea, China, Indonesia, Mongolia, Australia, Singapore, and Spain.

What do you love about modeling?

I love getting paid to travel around the world!

What do you dislike about modeling?

I don't like when I get told I need to "lose some inches".  I don't like living in an apartment with a bunch of other models.  I don't like people doing my hair and makeup and dressing me all the time.  It may sound glamorous but when it happens multiple times a day it gets really old.

What are the surprising details that people wouldn't know about modeling?

I like to say that being a model is being half celebrity half slave.  Sometimes you have a nice job where you get pampered and treated like a queen, and sometimes you are treated like an animal. ( Usually in Asia)

Wait, what do you mean by "treated like an animal?" 

You are expected to work all day long with no breaks, water, or food.  People constantly talk about you and your flaws, right in front of you, as if you are an object or not in the room.  While they are doing your makeup, they will grab your face roughly and move it around.  They will yank clothes off of you, without caring if they are hurting you.

Yikes.  Anything else surprising?

Something people may not know is that in some countries we get paid to go eat dinner at certain restaurants and party at certain clubs to attract more customers.

Hahaha...oh my heck, that's awesome!

Oh, and it's cool to live with people from all around the world and learn about their cultures.  But, in many model apartments it's crowded and you have different schedules so that makes sleeping difficult at times.  When I was in Indonesia I shared one bathroom with six people... it was interesting.  In Korea I lived in a tiny studio apartment with three girls, I slept on the top bunk.  But the floors were heated, so that was cool!

Do you want to continue modeling? 

NO!  Haha.  It was my ultimate dream to become an international model and I have been doing it for the past 5 years!  I love the experiences I've had but am ready to move on to my next dream.  This year I plan to go on my last few trips and then retire as a model for good!

--
Thanks Andrea!  Pretty interesting, huh?  And, so you know, Andrea definitely is not just a pretty face...she is an extremely talented violin player and every little kid in our family adores her, including my son.  She nannied for several years, and is basically a baby/kid magnet.  She also kept a blog for several year about her modeling adventures...check it out!  Her writing is fun and there are lots of cool locations and pics!  (moredrei.blogspot.com)

Thanks Andrea for telling us about what you do and giving us a little glimpse into such a mysterious job!  I love to hear about women with all their diverse careers, dreams and goals..it's cool to see my cuz fearlessly achieving hers!

Now, here are pics for days...but they are cool, indeed. :)

At the Gucci show in Jarkarta, Indonesia.

Fun pics, huh?  So, what do you think?  Would you enjoy modeling if you had the chance?  I personally would prefer to be the makeup artist, cause I would love doing all that dramatic makeup (it's a work of art!)  And, I am quite jealous of the traveling. :)  But, I wouldn't last long if I was a model, cause I'd probably sock someone in the face if they told me I needed to lose inches...then I'd be fired.  And I'd go eat oreos.  Ha!

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L'Oreal Paris Touch-On Highlights Review

By Amy

Hair stylists gonna hate this one.  I'm sorry.

And, I'm not getting any compensation for this post...I just wanted to pass on my experience. :)

About 6 months ago, I wanted to try coloring my hair for the first time EVER.  I have naturally blonde hair that has darkened as I've gotten older...not into a rich brown, but a dark blonde that looks a bit...dull.  (And if you call it "dirty dishwater blonde" or "mousy blonde" I will poke you in the eye.  Cause who wants any part of their appearance to be compared the scudsy, gunky water in a sink or a dirty, smelly rodent?  Let's ban those phrases please.  Dark blonde is sooo much kinder.)  My color had become a bit lifeless, but I've always preferred a natural look, so a couple subtle highlights were all I wanted.  Not some super dramatic color job.

But, when I heard that most highlight jobs were around $60, I bout died.  Um, WHAT!?  I understand that it covers the cost of the materials and the time for labor, and I'm not trying to underestimate the knowledge and skills that hairstylists have, but I could not justify spending that kind of money for something temporary that has to be re-done after 4 months!  My husband is still in school and we have to be frugal, so blowing that kind of money just so that a few chunks of my hair can be lighter?  Cray cray.  I freely admit, highlighting my hair was a purely just for fun desire--definitely a "want," not a "need."  So, it did not merit that much of our budget.

After pondering the situation for weeks, I committed a grievous sin!  (I'm sorry to my hairdressing friends Heather, Kim, and Suzie!  Forgive me...)  I went to Walmart and...bought a $14 box of highlights.

Dun Dun DUUUUNNNNNN!

And it went pretty well!  I have done it twice now, a few months apart and both times I was happy with the results.  So I thought I'd show you how it went down, in case you're wanting to lighten up your hair without lightening up your wallet!  :)

Now, I need to preface this, you won't get the flawless results that a pro will give you.  And I'm sure it isn't as healthy for your hair as professional color.  (So I wouldn't do a lot of your hair.)  But, you also will spend a fraction of the money for pretty good result.  You decide what is more important to you!  If you've got the money, I'd head to a great stylist.  But if that's just not an option, this is a good alternative. :)

So, the product: I went with: L'Oreal Paris Touch-On Highlights because there are no brushes, no foils, and no pulling hair through the little holes of a cap.  It looked so easy that even a monkey could use it to highlight their hair...er...fur.  You just dip your finger in the stuff, and slide it down the pieces of hair you want highlighted.  Badda-bing!  It's like painting!  I liked that idea.  

The process:
(And I'm so sorry for the crappy pics with my lame bathroom lighting, but I had more important things to worry about!  Like botching up my hair and ending up wearing a paper bag over my head for 3 months.)

First of all, you're supposed to wait for two days after a shampoo.  Some of you are like, NBD, I only wash my hair twice a week.  (Freakin lucky...)  If I don't wash mine everyday, I become a greasy weasel.  Dang genetics.  ANYwho, please ignore my greasy-ness, I really do employ personal hygiene in my life...ok....back to the highlighting.

Hahaha...flattering pic.  :)

Here's the stuff in the kit!  Yeah, the gloves would probably fit Michael Jordan's hand.  They were huge.

The first time I used this kit, I didn't separate the pieces of hair out well enough, so as I went I would accidentally grab a bit more than I wanted.  The second time, I separated them out with little bands so I could move quickly.

First, figure out the pieces of hair you want to highlight.  Then, dip your finger (wearing the gloves and that little blue nubbin thingy) into the highlighting cream, and slide your fingers down the piece of hair distributing it the best you can.  Alternate sides.  The first time, I forgot to alternate and one side of my hair was more highlighted than the other side, cause it stayed in a shorter amount of time. (DOH! *palm to forehead!)

Apply the stuff to each piece, then wait 10-15 minutes (or longer depending on your hair type and how light you want your highlights)...hop in the shower and wash it out.  I waited just over ten minutes, cause my hair is very fine and virgin to color.

It sounds easy peasy...but it isn't 100% easy to actually do.  (I'm pretty sure a monkey would not be successful.)  It was kind of hard not to get glompy chunks and to get it evenly dispersed down the pieces of hair.  And, the first time I used this kit, I got nervous that it had been in too long so I rinsed it out early and it was VERY subtle. (As in, nobody could tell I had highlighted my hair till it started growing out a little...but that was ok with me, cause I wanted subtle!)  So, it can be tricky to know exactly how long to wait before rinsing, especially since the first strand you put the cream on has been sitting with highlighter for probably 5 - 10 minutes longer than your last strand depending on how long it took you to finish applying to your whole head.

Pretty natural looking right?  This is a little while later.  For some reason I didn't take a pic right away...must have gotten distracted.  (Hello, A.D.D.)

Ok, so after going through this process twice, I'd recommend you find a person that you trust and have them put in the highlighting cream.  They don't have to be a pro, not at all, but it can be tricky to do this to yourself, moving quickly, while looking in a mirror to see the back of your head.  And it's hard not to grab extra hairs with the nubby finger applicator, so separate your chosen chunks out well beforehand.

Oh, and I read in reviews while I was researching that this kit works better for light brown or dark blonde hair...those with dark brown hair ended up with orange-ish highlights.  So, prolly avoid this product, my brunette friends...unless you dig orange hair.

All in all, I was pretty happy with this simple and inexpensive way to get a small amount of highlights.  Plus, I liked that I could put them exactly where I wanted!  (I can be a control freak, but just when it comes to art, design, aesthetics etc. Ask my husband how fun it is to help me hang pictures...haha)  If you really can't or won't spend $60 for a small amount of highlighting, then I'd go with this kit.

In conclusion: have someone else do the highlighting if possible, figure out beforehand what pieces you want highlighted and separate them out, try to get the cream as close to the scalp as possible, and, maybe use a better pair of gloves, like a tighter latex pair.  Their gloves were big and a little cumbersome.

Hope this was helpful to you, my friends!  If you try out this product...good luck and tell me how it went!

And, I'm curious, do you color your hair?  If so, do you do it yourself or go to a stylist?  Have you had any home coloring disasters?  If so, please share!  We like a good laugh. :)

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Perfume...Yay or Nay?

By Amy 

http://journal.illuminatedperfume.com/2011_01_01_archive.html

Do you wear perfume? 

If so, when do you wear it?  Are you an everyday wearer?  Or a special occasion-er?  Or never? 

I have this hang-up on perfume now-a-days.  I wore it occasionally when I was single.  But mostly I wore it when Patrick and I were dating, cause I loved it when we were cuddling and he'd comment, "You smell so good!"  Yeah baby, instant confidence boost.  :)  But, even then I tried to keep it light, cause I didn't want to walk around in a cloud of smell, even if it was a nice smell.  (Like the elderly lady who leaves a trail of her scent when she walks out of the room or high school boy who is trying WAY too hard to be hot...)

Then after we got married, when I worked as an aide in a Jr High, then as a Jr High/High school teacher--I felt weird wearing perfume.  Like, seriously--I'm not trying to smell nice or sexy for tweens.  I wanted to smell neutral: in other words, have no smell at all.

But after a couple years of shunning perfume, I'm totally out of the habit.  Now and then, I'll remember to put a bit on when we go on a date (I know, I know, "Date? What's that?" Ha...) and Patrick's like, "Wowza!  You smell nice!"  Makes me feel pretty much like a sexy beast. 

And who doesn't like feeling sexy-beasty?!  (Ha, isn't that an awesome meme?)

I want to remember more often, cause after you get married and real life hits, it's inevitable: you are bound to experience some less-than-savory smells.  I mean...Unless your feet never stink, your breath is minty fresh in the morning, and you have flawless digestion, it WILL happen.

So, it's nice when I can smell utterly fabulous to my husband.  And when he wears his cologne? (like twice a year, ha!)...Wowza.  I like.  :)

If you are married, would/do you wear perfume to work or Girl's Night or a church party?  Is that weird?  Cause it's not like you're not trying to smell attractive to your friends/co-workers.  Or for you, is it more about feeling pretty for yourself, rather than attractive to someone else?  For the single ladies out there, do you wear perfume on every date?  Do you wear it every day?  One thing's for sure, perfume comes in handy when I didn't shower that day and I'm self-conscious...ha!

I'd love to hear your perfume philosophies and wearing habits.  Also, if you do wear perfume, what kind do you wear?

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Finding My Deep Beauty

By Marilee
Introduced by Amy

For a while, I've been thinking on beauty.  Every lady wants to be pretty and feel confident--it's only natural!  But, gosh, we can be SO dang critical and hard on ourselves!  I recently spilled my guts about my struggle with my crappy skin--I was overwhelmed by your love and kind responses, as well as your courage in telling some of YOUR beauty insecurities.  My friend, Marilee, recently told me about an epiphany she had about beauty and her own worth, that healed a lifetime of pain and embarrassment.  My view of her is much different than she saw herself for all those years; I think of her as kind, encouraging, fun, and beautiful!  I was so happy to hear of the peace her realization brought her.  Since I loved her story so much, I wanted her to share it with you--and she was brave enough to agree!  Here it is. 
-Amy

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Ever since I can remember, I have felt ugly.  When I was young I had crooked buck teeth; when I bit into a sandwich I made a 90 degree angle impression.  Oh and of course, I wore glasses.  Thus, I was very teased and bullied--not just at school, but at home too by my older brother and Dad.

Self Esteem?  I didn't have any.  I looked in the mirror and all I saw was a fat, homely girl that just wanted to fit in.

Luckily the summer before 7th grade I was blessed to get braces.  I was so determined to have straight teeth that I did and wore whatever I was required...which included the over-the-head head gear.  In the beginning I had to wear it to school.  Boy was I teased!

So I believed more and more that I was ugly.  Because of the braces, my front lip curled up.  So the boys at school called me frog-lips, and would "ribbit" whenever they saw me.

Well my braces finally came off and yes, my teeth looked great!  But I still didn't think I was pretty.  AND I still worried about my weight.  My parents had 9 children. 3 girls, two boys, then 4 more girls.  I am the 7th of the 9.  In our teen years my sisters had eating disorders--they were skin and bones.  Sizes 1-3.  At 16, I was 5'7 and size 6.  I thought I was fat, because I was compared to my extremely thin sisters.  My junior year my parents put me on Weight Watchers.

I had a hard time making friends because I didn't think anyone wanted to be with such a overweight, homely person.

I had a great personality but I didn't know it.  I went through High School getting better at making friends and going to sports games, but never dating.  I quit going to the dances after the games and church dances because they were too depressing; I never danced.  My Senior year I got contacts, but that wasn't enough.

I still looked in the mirror and saw a fat, ugly, person.

OK.  Are you depressed enough?

Well I graduated, and learned to avoid mirrors and went on to serve a mission for my church, and got married when I was 27.  My husband died due to complications of diabetes 5 years later.

After a couple of years, I remarried.  After 11 years of happiness we have 3 beautiful boys together and I have two stepsons.

But I still struggled with my self esteem.  Through the years I have always told myself that I was fat and ugly.

I had heard people speak on how Heavenly Father looks on the heart and not on the outward appearance and how beauty comes from within...etc.  But I could never believe it.  It was as if I was hearing it through a wall and couldn't understand the words.

I am 45 years old now.  This past week I came across a talk by Elaine S. Dalton addressed to teen girls.  (She is a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saint's worldwide young women's group. 2010 General Young Women Conference).

In it she talks about "deep beauty": how a person's beauty isn't determined by the outward appearance but by how their spirit shines from within. She taught that beauty comes from being a good person, following God and his commandments, and how we serve each other.

It comes from how strong our convictions are.

It comes from how kind we are to each other.

It comes from the Light of Christ that is within us.

Suddenly, it clicked.  It doesn't matter how big or thin I am.  It doesn't matter if I wear glasses or have buck and crooked teeth.

My appearance isn't what makes me beautiful.  I know that I am beautiful because I am a Daughter of God and I let my light shine! 

-Marilee 

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Thank you, so much Marilee, for opening your heart to us.  I LOVE the idea of "Deep Beauty".

Friends, please share your thoughts and feelings about beauty with us.  What do YOU think makes someone beautiful?  Who is the most "deeply beautiful" woman that you know?  Your mother?  A teacher? We'd love to hear!  And please Like/Share this post if it was meaningful to you.  :)
-Amy
    

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Only Skin Deep

Today I'm....hesitant.  I've had a draft of this post for months, sitting, waiting for my courage to catch up with it.  I've wanted to talk to other people about this for a long time, but it's to embarrassing to bring up with a friend face to face.  And, a shout out on Facebook would be little too mortifying.  But, this is a safe place, and I'd love to hear your input!

I have to warn you though, this is not about some deep burning philosophical or emotional trial.  It's actually pretty shallow.  It's about my face.

Sometimes I have this daydream: if I had the chance to magically change one thing about myself physically, what would it be?  Would it be permanently staying the size I was when Patrick and I were dating?  Would it be to make my eyesight perfect?  Longer/thicker/curlier eyelashes?  Taller?  Perfectly white teeth?  Lusciously thick hair?  Zap the love handles?  (Seriously: muffin top, nobody likes you. GO away.)  Or like most mommas, restore the location of my (*ahem*) chest to where is was pre-baby?  Nope.  None of those would be my choice.

I would not hesitate--I would choose perfect skin.

Shape/weight--I feel like that's good for me to work at, so that I'm also caring for my internal health, while practicing self-control. (yeah, got a long way to go with that....I stilllll love my second helpings.)  Though it's not easy, I do have control over how fit I am.  When I need to work at it, I start regularly exercising and eating better, and I make slow progress.

But, my skin?  I have felt so powerless about it for a long time.

I have had problem skin since I was about 14.  I'm so lucky that I don't have the deep, scarring acne, I have little bumpy acne that totally covers my whole forehead at all times and is usually on my cheeks, hairline, a little on my nose, and chin.  Also, I have the visible pores and blackheads on my nose. (Gross.) There are times when my skin is worse than others, but rarely is it clear.  (Except for my second tri of pregnancy with Hayden...freakin' glorious skin!!! Hmmm, maybe I should get pregnant again. haha!)  And, I don't really have many pics that illustrate how bad my skin was at its worse, cause I was very meticulous about putting on my cover-up (or karate chopping any fool who tried to take a pic of me before I'd gotten ready in the morning.)

Taking stupid pics with Patrick's laptop when we were dating...You can't see my forehead, but my cheek shows it a bit.

Though I mostly have been able to cover up the redness, I always felt self-conscious about the bumpy, unhealthy texture of my skin, and never wanted people to get too close up to me.  I longed for "natural" and "glowing", but instead hid under caked-on foundation.  I was terrified to go swimming with friends.  Overnight trips sent me into major worries.  I never wanted people to see me without makeup.  Also, I was hard on myself.  When I looked in the mirror, I thought, "You look like a leper."  I'd joke to friends and family, acting like it wasn't that big of a deal to me: "Time to quarantine me.  I've got the Small POX!"  During the worst times, it was hard to put myself in front of people.

As I got older and more confident, my self-esteem didn't come as much from what I looked like, but from who I was.  But, still it bothered me that when everyone else was getting over their bad teenage skin, I was a 24, then 25 then 26-year-old, who was still regularly breaking out.  Wasn't it supposed to taper off at 18?

When I was dating Patrick (23 and 24 yrs old), he wanted to take me to Wyoming to visit his family.  I didn't want to spend the night because I didn't want them (or Patrick) to see me without makeup on.  I was so scared he wouldn't think I was pretty anymore.  So, no joke, I got up at 6:00 on a Saturday morning, showered and got all ready, got back into my pjs and lay in the guest bed, waiting for everyone else to wake up.  Ha!

When we were engaged, Patrick came swimming with my family; since my make-up was washed off, I could barely look him in the eye on the car ride home.  I didn't want him to be disgusted by my skin.

For our wedding, my mom gently suggested that I cut bangs, so my skin wouldn't be distracting in all those close up wedding pics.  I did, and I still have them today.  I actually like them, and I worry less about my stinkin forehead!

The maddening part of the problem?  There's like 1 MILLION theories, ideas, and advice claiming to fix bad skin--and I have tried many.  Get a sun-tan, wear sunscreen, you have too much oily foods in your diet, change your pillow case every night, go dairy-free, don't wear make-up, don't use hairspray, wash your face a lot, don't wash your face too much, stay away from heavy creams, lotion your face every night....and on and on.  Then there are the products.  You could spend a fortune on different creams, pills, lotions, astringents with varied ingredients; every time, your hopes rise, thinking this could be THE ONE, just to be dissapointed again.  It's hard when well-meaning friends confidently tell you what WILL work--but your skin may react totally different from theirs.  I've tried prescription cures too, with not much change. (Though I never tried Acutane.  It seemed a bit harsh for me, since I didn't get the deep, scarring acne.)  So, my bathroom cupboard was filled up with only-a-little-gone products while my skin continued to be a pain. 

Experimenting with your face is NO fun.  Each product says "it takes at least two weeks" for any real results.  If it doesn't go well, then for two whole weeks (often longer), you are stuck looking like raw hamburger: visible results for all to see.  And, I know it seems shallow, but think of it: your face is who you present to the world.  I want people to remember me by my happy smile or pretty eyes, not be distracted by the poison-ivyish appearance of my skin.

For the past few years, I've given up on trying new cures.  I just got tired of it.  So, I've continued using ProActiv since the beginning of college.  It's decent.  My skin isn't great, but, could (and has) been worse.  I'm scared to stop using it, though it's expensive, cause I don't want to mess up my face BIG time.

Despite my face worries, I like my features.  I'm no model by any means--I don't have a rockin jaw line, striking cheekbones, or full, luscious lips, but my face is...me.  I really don't want to look like a model, or someone else.  They are the features I was born with; they come from my genes and the parents that I love.  But, the bad skin isn't me.  I feel like it's a sickness my face got when I was 14, and it never went away.

Over the years, I convinced myself, "People don't notice as much as think they do.  You're blowing this out of proportion."

Then, while visiting my niece, she points up at my face, with a concerned look and said, "Owies." ...several times.  I was so embarrassed.  Another niece watched me put on make-up in the bathroom mirror when I visited her family.  Afterward she said, "You look a lot prettier with your make-up.  I can't see those red dots anymore."  Oy.  Just last month, another niece proudly handed me a picture she had drawn of me.  And, across my forehead, she drew little red bumps.  I said, "Oh, you don't need to draw those on there."  She said, "But I want it to look like YOU!"

Ouch.

It shouldn't have been a big deal and I tried to laugh it off, but I felt a little sick.  Is this how other people see me, but unlike a little kid, they just don't say it?

The very word "ACNE" sounds so ugly.  It brings to mind a gangly, greasy haired, b.o. smellin high school boy who avoids all forms of personal hygiene.  Now and then, I've even heard people say, "They are broken out cause they aren't staying clean enough."  Argghhh...since 14, I've showered everyday and washed my face twice a day.  Even now, if I don't, my face erupts into a scary mess by the next morning.  On camping trips, I've washed my face in the freezing cold with bottled water, just to escape those consequences.  Yet, I had friends with perfect skin wearing three-day-old makeup!  Not cool, man.

Thankfully, in the past few years, I've become more comfortable in my skin.  Here I am, 27-years-old and it still acts up--but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it did back when I was in high school and college.  A lot of that comes from the fact that I have a good husband who loves me and tells me I'm a hottie from time to time.  :)  And he didn't scream in horror and run for the hills like I imagined when he first saw me without makeup.

But, even before meeting Patrick, I was finally accepting the fact that I just don't have great skin.  However, it doesn't define me.  I know that I am a good worthwhile person.  That doesn't come from my looks.  It comes from the fact that I am God's child.  I try to be kind and love others and be the best wife/mom/friend/daughter I can be.  I have gotten through really hard things, and I've accomplished some incredible goals!  And, I feel confident in who I am.  

For years, I imagined that all anyone saw when they looked at me was my splotchy skin, but now, I am just happy to meet new friends, socialize, and enjoy people.   

It makes a huge difference--when I'm reaching out to others, and trying to make THEM feel comfortable, I forget to focus on MY insecurities.  I feel good about myself cause I'm reaching out!

Ya know what's interesting?  I've found out over the years that most people have something they are very insecure about.  They have a lisp, or they feel awkward making conversation when they meet someone, or they wish they were thinner, or they hate the gap in their teeth.  And, you know what?  Lots of people have zits.  Not just me.  I probably noticed it on myself WAY more than anyone else did.

I read about a women whose face was badly scarred from a fire, but she still makes the most of her life, cheerfully raising her children and reaching out to others through a well-kown blog, though she looks completely different than she did before.  (I wish I could find her blog again. Anybody know who I'm talking about?)...UPDATE:  Her name is Stephanie Nielson and her blog is called "NieNie Dialogues"...she is amazing.  Go take a look.  I felt seriously grateful for my skin, and humbled by her courage after reading her story.  Seriously...Dang: what an amazing woman.  I admire her SO much for continuing forward even when faced by such an enormous and painful trial.  I feel pathetic and shallow for even worrying about something as trivial as some zits, when I have pretty good health otherwise.  It's just my darn human insecurities that whisper, "You're not good enough."

Thankfully, those thoughts are rare now, but they still surface when my skin is being particularly belligerent.

My goal is to be comfortable in my skin, even thought it's less than perfect.  Cause I know who I am, and beauty truly is much more than skin deep.  I hope I can always help others to feel good enough and beautiful, even when they're having a hard time believing it.  Especially those with bad skin.  OHHH my heart goes out to those with deep acne...especially boys who can't really cover it up at all.  I want to hug them and tell them, "Oh, it sucks so bad, but YOU are worthwhile.  Hold your head up, child!"

SO, now that I've spilled my guts about fighting my biggest physical insecurity, what about yours? 

It would mean alot if you shared.  If I actually get the guts to post this, I'll be surprised.  If I do, it's so much easier when people respond rather than having my words echo awkwardly into an empty room.

My friends, whatever insecurities you have, they do NOT define you.  You have worth, no matter what society, cruel people, the mirror, or even yourself says.  You are God's child, He made you, He loves you, and He sees your heart, not the size of the body or the zits on the skin or the gap in the teeth.

You are beautiful.  It' time we all start believing that, don't you think?

Thanks for reading! 
Love, Amy

Ps. If you could magically change one thing physically about yourself what would you change?  How do you rise above your insecurities?  Also, If you have struggled with skin issues, how did you fix it?  I'm always interested in hearing others' ideas.

Please comment,"Like," or "Share" if you appreciated this post!  Thanks! :)

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